This thread is for families that are raising an only child.
(This thread is not designed for members who have one child but are considering having more. xo)
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This thread is for families that are raising an only child.
(This thread is not designed for members who have one child but are considering having more. xo)
Hello
Is this thread the first of its kind?
We have an only child. Haven't decided yet if we will try for another one in the future or not. At the moment we are happy with just one. She's nearly 3.
Anybody else?
Hi Starfish - I'm currently in the same boat. We have a 2 year old and don't know if we want another one. The longer we leave it the less I want another child. When I was pregnant with DD we said that if we had a boy then we'd only have one kid (DH wants a son). My only reasons for thinking about another bub are: 1) DH wants a son and 2) friends, family and society expect 2-3 kids in a family and people just don't get it when I say that we don't know if we're going to have another one. Those reasons aren't good enough for me. It would be nice to have a son if we do have another one - but you can't guarantee that and as for friends, family & society - They aren't the ones who go through the pregnancy, childbirth, sleepless nights, dirty nappies and everything else.
The other reason I'm totally off the idea is I had a traumatic experience giving birth and during the first year of DD's life and I don't want to go through that again. Everyone says that it'll be different next time but how do they know? No one can absolutely promise me it'll be different.
In any case, we're giving it another year before making any long term decisions one way or the other.
Another one-kid Mummy here.
Also not sure if we'll have any more - I'd like another one, but DH isn't as keen and seeing as he's the stay-at-home-Dad, he gets more say in it than me!
Also, we don't have another room we can put a second child into without HUGE changes in the house (which we're not sure we can do), so it's all a bit hard.
I'm also now 36 years old *gulp* and it took 8 months to get pg with Liam when I'd lost 18 kgs.. not sure I could do it easily again!
I really liked being pg though :(
P.S. - Having only one child worries me in one way: If anything should happen to him, it would make my entire world crumble. I worry about this a lot - does everyone else?? :dunno:
Hi Girls, We have one, and I think I have another baby in me so to speak, but DH will need some more convincing as (a) our son was born via IVF and going through that again would be very hard, and (b) our son has hip dysplasia and has spent the last 5 months in a hip brace with one more to go and I think that has my DH very scared about what might happen again
I have thought this, also have thought about what if in many years to come when DH and I have passed on what if DS is left alone in the world without any immediate family - eeeeeeek!:
So many things to consider
I'm a mother of an 8 year old DD (turning 9 this year!)
I only had one because at the time circumstances didn't allow more (Left her dad when she was 15 months old)
Now I can honestly say I would not be upset if I never have any more kids. If she was my one and only then I don't think i'd ever regret it, and the older she gets, the more this is confirmed.
Having said that, my now partner has no children, and if he decided he wanted kids then I would probably agree pretty easily, more because I don't think its fair to not let him have that when I do, however, if he didn't want children that wouldn't worry me either.
My DD had 4 extremely close cousins, and some other cousins that aren't as close, but the three boys and one girl (cousins) and DDare as close as ever and are almost like her honaray siblings. We see my nephew at least every second day, and the other three two or three times a week
ETA: I hated being pregnant, i was sick the whole time, spent time in the royal womens, had all sorts of problems and ended with a 32 hour birth. I love that I'm finally working a job i absolutly LOVE and worked my butt off to get there. The idea of 'stopping' all that to take time out to have another baby and to have to be pregnant again scares me alot!
I'm 42 and feel blessed to have DS. As much as I'd love to give him a brother or sister, that's not going to happen: not in the right sort of relationship, pregnancy with DS was filled with anxieties and I had a couple of m/c beforehand. I worry that I'll be in my 60s and his father will be in his 80s when DS is in his 20s. I also worry that if anything should happen to DS that my world would crumble. I also worry because I'm on my own with DS that something might happen to me and no one would notice for a day or so if it was the weekend for instance and DS would be all on his own. I had a car crash when DS was 9 months old (DS wasn't in the car at the time and was having his first full day at the carers) and I still have nightmares about how it could have been so much worse. I think I may also have a borderline anxiety disorder!
Yep, only child raiser here too - though he's still a bub. DH and I would like another, but we've said we're not going to talk bout it till DS is at least 3 yrs old
Hi all - just popping in to say hello! As you can see from my sig I have two and one on the way but as an only child I am happy to pop in and offer my "expert opinion" on all things of being an only one :) (Just kidding!)
But I thought I would share a story with you, told by a mother of an only child to my mother.
Once upon a time a lion and her cub came across a rabbit and her babies in the forest. "Oh!" said the rabbit, "look at all my babies. I have so many babies, and you have only one!". "Yes....I know I have only one," said the lion, worried about offending the rabbit, "...but mine is a lion."
Im a mother of a 1 year old..i dont see another child in the near future.. i havent found the right person yet who id trust would stick by us.. the thought of having another child scares the hell out of me to as i had a traumatic pregnancy n birth, and the lack of support from a ''partner'' didnt help.
i know deep down theres another baby yet to come one day i hope.. it does upset me that DD wont have that closeness of a brother or sister close in age as i had with my siblings.. this does worry me abit!
Hey all, ATM we have one DD who is nearly 3 yo but we have been ttc # 2 for nearly 19 months. We decided when TTC that we would have 2 children and they would be close in age, but that is not to be :(
TBH I am scared of DD being an only child. I grew up with an older sister and younger brother and it was great & it is still great to have all that support around me, plus DD has got a fantastic Aunty & Uncle. My DH grew up an only child & he said it wasn't that bad growing up on his own (he does have 4 half sisters & 3 half brothers but he did not grow up with them)
Sometimes I think perhaps it is better if DD is an only child so I can focus on her & put all my energy & time into her rather than some time into her & the rest ttc..........
Be back later to continue to chat :)
:lol: Glad I'm not the only worrywart!
I'm very grateful at whoever decided to start this thread... I didn't realise until I posted how much I need support in this area. I'm not yet at peace with the decision (if it IS a decision) to have only one... perhaps through talking to all of you I may find some peace!
I don't want to resent DH for procrastinating the decision so long and then even if we wanted to, we couldn't concieve a second :(
Hi ladies
I'm another with only one child and we haven't decided whether there will be another, I am leaning more towards not having anymore, although I know DH is pretty keen on another. DS is 2.5
I'm also grateful for this thread, it may help me come to a decision once and for all. I have my yes days, where I think it'd be nice to have another, but I certainly have more no days than yes days :)
For me, I have a huge issue with whether or not I could love another child as much as I do DS. I can honestly say that this is my number one show stopper as to why we haven't had any more. I know everyone says that the love just comes, but what if it doesn't? DS is my world and I couldn't imagine feeling that way about another baby.
There are also smaller issues, financial for instance. We are quite comfortable at the moment, our dream house is 2 weeks away from starting to be built and things are good. If I was to stop working money would be tight and that's not a worry I want to have. I've been on the bones of my bum, and I never want to go back. I also like my job and I like working, I don't know if I would be able to handle being a SAHM, which is what would happen if number 2 were to come along.
So these, in a nutshell, are my issues. Thanks for letting me be able to share them in a place where people might understand a little.
xxx
Thankyou so much for starting this thread!!!
I am a mum of one and most probably will never have another 1. ATM DH and I have agreed that forthe next 5 years there will definately be no more babies but we will revisit the idea then, by them though, DS will be 9 years old and so far, the older he gets, the less I want anohter bub.
I always dreamt of having a large family so I have REALLY struggled with the idea of having an only child over the years. Though DS has just started kindy this term and life has never been better! He is so independent and grown up all of a sudden.
DS had his first proper birthday party for his 4th birthday on SUnday, it was the best time. He got all these cool gifts, Lego, marble race tower thingys, remote control cars. We have spent the last couple fo days building Lego and marble towers and have realised that an awesome thing about DS being an only is that we can bring the Lego out into the lounge room and leave it all set up and not have to worry about babies choking on it or sibling breaking it. Fantastic!
Also it took 2 full on days of baking and planning his party and I said to DH I really dont know how mothers of many children could do that several times a year for each childs birthday!
I do worry about DS dying and leaving me childless, or us dying and leaving him orphaned. BUT, if DS did die, nothing could make that feel better, if we had 5 extra kids we would nt feel any better cause they wouldn't be DS. As for when we die and leave him alone, he will never be alone cause I have a very close knit family who spend lots of time together and he has 2 cousins 3 years younger than him who we see all the time. Plus friends can be much better than family!
We had DS and his little friend yesterday and it was great to be able to just have his friend for the day and have enough money to do fun stuff with them botha dn have plenty of room in the car etc. It was like DS can spend time with kids he actually WANTS to spend time with, then when he gets sick of them or starts arguing, they can go home. Very easy :)
I really look forward to participating in this thread and getting to know you all
I feel the same way! I just can't imagine having MORE love to share around! :shakehead::
Hi I hope you don't mind me joining in too ;) I have DS who is 2.5 years old and he's currently our one and only. I'm wanting to try for another but DH isn't all that keen considering our pregnancy success rate :(
I'd love for DS to have a sibling but I'm slowly slowly slowly coming around to the idea that a sibling just may not be possible :(
If that is the case then so be it but I do want to see what my specialist has to say next Monday after my last D&C in March.
I did always want 4 children by the time I turned 30 but that never happened and DH and I agreed on 2 babies but with our history of m/c's it is slowly taking its toll on me,him and us as a family unit.
So for now its just the 3 of us and we should know more next week and if things turn out the way DH is talking about then I think I'm going to need lots of support from all of you who are very happy with your family of 3 ;)
Yay, so glad to hear of other 1 child families - everyone around me seems to be having several children and I sometimes feel like the odd one out.
I fully understand the "will I love another baby as much" issue. I feel that too. Also, DH and I are both kind of worried that if we have another child they won't be as "good" as DD. This sounds awful, but DD is very advanced in her speech, she is very healthy, well behaved, had no problems breastfeeding, etc. I am scared if I have another one who is not a "dream baby" like Diana, I will always be comparing them to her. Or is this just an excuse because I think that having one is enough, but don't feel that this is good enough for others? I've only ever wanted one, and the way we live at the moment, I am not sure how another baby would fit in. E.g. we co-sleep, and have no real rules or routines. This is fine with one well behaved child but would most likely not work with a more challening one...
And then there is the financial implications...
Wow, great thread!
DD is 13 months, and our one and only. Neither DH or I are convinced we want another, but we're not ruling it out either. Like Mummy Naomi, DD was born with hip dysplacia and to have another in the same boat scares me. DH works really long hours so I've pretty much done it solo, can I manage two? DD isn't the greatest sleeper and some days are a real struggle. I don't know any only children as adults, so I don't even know how people feel about having no siblings. I grew up with a brother and two stepbrothers, and DH grew up with two brothers and we both have very large extended families. There is no pressure from anyone on us to have another which is lovely. AHHHHHH what to do!!
Corelly x
mako - sorry you have had such a hrad time trying for anohter bub xxx
starfish - We dont really have rules and routines either which is something I worried about when considering bub 2. We like not having to stress about routine too much.
corelly - having a first bub with 'issues' makes the decision to have another 1 even harder doesnt it. DS had an op at 3 weeks old and then got severe reflusx til he was 2 years old. He constantly vomited, I mea every 5 mins his clothes would be saturated. If we went out for the day I had to take ALL of his clothes, bibs and spew rags with us. It was gross and looking back I dont know how I got through it! As far as sleep goes, DS turns 4 tomorrow and has only just started sleeping thorugh in his own bed, well actually he still often comes into my bed for a cuddle during the night! There is no way I want to go through all of that again. People tell me "Oh the 2nd wont be that bad" but how can they guarrantee that?
Also, finding a babysitter for 1 child is so much easier!
widdly - don't you HATE that!!! I was the first born, and then came my brother. Mum has always said that if he had've come first, there would've been no me!!!:
What's the saying - if you get a good one, stop at one!!! I don't know that I agree with that, but sheesh! It's a better thing to say than the other! :p
Corelly x
I asked someone the other day who mentioned that they were an only child - if they felt they missed out. They said 'I didn't know anything else - iykwim' She also mentioned that there were lots of cousins and neighbourhood kids which meant she wasn't lonely... I think that's they key.
That's true Nettie but I wonder if they feel like that in adulthood as well. DH always says by the time we are gone DS will have his own family but I often wonder if that would be enough. Would he be resentful of the fact he has no other immediate family? I dunno, just another thing I often think about...
My sister and I are 17 months apart and care as close as ever. We see each other most days, our kids are togehter ALOT and we rely on each other for EVERYTHING. I would be lost without her and love knowing that she's there for me no matter what. It saddens me that my DD wont have the same as that, but then we weren't that close to extended family, where as I make sure DD and her cousins are close and spend alot of time together.
In the end, as much as I wish DD would have a close sibling down the track liek I did, it simply wasn't an option for me to have more kids so its just something I have to accept I can't change. I can however, instill my belief to DD about how important family are to each other and the importance of sticking together as a family so she hopefully has that closeness with her cousins/aunts/uncles/grandparents etc
The person I was discussing it with was an adult. She would have been around my age and felt no resentment whatsoever.:
TBH - I don't know many 'only child' adults (or kids for that matter!). I might have to suss it out a bit and question a few people that I might find!
Haven't posted here for a while. We have to know by January if we're having another bub or not because I'm on thyroid replacement medication and my specialist needs to know before I get pregnant so she can tell me how much I will need to increase my dose by as soon as I find out I'm pregnant. I've told DH that we need to have a serious think about if we are going to have another one and if we'll be TTC next year or not because my implanon finishes in April 2011.
Though, now that we're almost finished with nappies I'm not really thrilled by the thought that we might have to do it all again IYKWIM. Selfish attitude isn't it?!
I know exactly what you mean Danni... I'm thinking the same thing about the nappies! :shhh:
Corelly - I have heard so many parents say that about if their first was as bad as there 2nd, 3rd whatever child then they would have had an only for sure. I guess I should think myself lucky that I had the bad baby first and didnt have to worry about other children to look after as well as teh hard baby.
Nettie - My DH is an only and he sayd exactly the same thing. He knew no different, he thought his only childhood was great, he doesnt miss sibling now either.
Dee - I have a sister 2.5 years younger than me and we grew up as best friends too, still hang out together a lot as well, it was the most amazing childhood having each other. However our other 2 sisters are 19 months apart and hated each other for 16 years, they have only started enjoying each others company this year, so there are no guarrantees
daniellabella - not selfish at all!! Selfish would be to have more babies anyway and then feel resentment or unhappiness afterwards. Most of the time I feel selfish, dont wanna do all the nappies, sleepless nights stuff, but I still have my super clucky times (like tonight) where I just want to steal someones baby to raise LOL! Mother nature is cruel to us!!
I feel soooo much better for reading that. Nice to know I'm not the only one who thinks that way. LOL:
DH said today that if I were to seriously say lets have another baby he'd be up for it, but that he doesn't want me to just say it because he'd like to see if we get a boy, he said that it's not a good idea to have a baby if the mother doesn't really want one.
Danni, sounds like you have a very wise DH, it is wonderful that is is being so thoughtful and not putting any pressure on you
Well my lovely ladies, I just wanted to say thank you for your help! This thread has really forced me to have a really hard think about this matter and I can now happily (although still a little hesitantly!) say that I will be graduating from this thread to the ttc threads!!
I've been non stop thinking about this for the last couple of weeks and have come to the decision that I do want another child. A lot of my decision is based on wanting to give DS the benefit of having a sibling, I'm sure I'll get used to those sleepless nights again :)
I'll be going to have my implanon taken out later this week before I lose my nerve lol wish me luck girls!!
:clap: That's awesome Janine! I'm so glad we helped you think things through!
All the very best with ttc :ttc: :shhh: LOL
You're still welcome in here while you try! ;)
Goodluck Janine, hope it happens quickly for you!
Thanks ladies! It took around 5 months to conceive DS so I'm expecting around the same again, all depending on how long it takes for my cycle to regulate after having the implanon in. I don't mind if it takes a few months :)
I'll most definitely pop in here now and then to see how you guys are going.
xxx
Good luck Janine!
I'm thinking that I might have to leave this thread soon. This week I have been thinking that it wouldn't be so bad to have another one. Still not fully decided and dont' need to be until Jan 2011.
DH said last night that he's leaning more towards wanting another bub though. But happy to wait until next year to TTC.
Told my parents on Sunday that we're still not sure if we want another bub. Mum said we should do what we feel is right. Dad of course said that our DD "needs a baby brother or sister" What the! she does not NEED one at all and I'm sure she'd be fine if she were an only child - in fact, she wouldn't know any better...he's probably just feeling hard done by because DH & I are my dad's last chance at getting a male heir (even though he'll have a different last name do dad LOL) (My sis has 3 girls and I have one - then on DH's side my BIL has 2 girls).
So anyway, we'll see. Will stay here until we are actually TTC though I think.
That's great Danni! For me the decision was easier once I started looking at the big picture and stopped focusing on how difficult the first year or two may be. It really puts things into perspective once you do this :)
Look forward to maybe seeing you in the ttc threads!
I think it is great that you lovely ladies have decided on more babies and wish all the very best with your TTC journeys. However, I do feel like this "only child chat thread" seems to have turned into a "should we have another baby thread" IYKWIM?? Please dont anyone get offended though. I am not meaning to be awful to anyone in here.
How many truly parents of Onlies are there in here? I would love to chat about the issues us mums of onlies do face sometimes in this world where 2+ children are the expectation.
I have come accross an Only issue this week. At playgroup there is one 3 year old boy who is always very angry, not sure why. When outgoing DS bounds up to this angry boy and greets him and asks to play this angry boy just turns with a huge frown on his face and angrily yells. He does it at everyone except one particular little girl he is friends with. ANyway, this boys angriness is really having an effect on DS. I have noticed DS has been yelling a lot this week since playgroup and doing the frowning face a bit. I chatted to my cousnellor about it. SHe seemed to think that because DS is an only, he is used to being around grown ups a lot of the time and grown ups tend to have fairly predictable reactions. SO he isnt ued to kids and their irrational behaviours. When this angry boys yells at him, DS is feeling like he must have done something to make him angry, DS is feeling like his anger is his fault somehow and he is having trouble processing this.
So, my task for the week is to point out to DS when the angry boy yells at other kids who are doing nothing wrong and explaining to DS that the kids arent doing anything wrong yet he is still angry and yelling, therefore DS should come to realise that it is not always his fault when others are feeling angry. I am gonna find some kids book explaining feeling, too.
So there ya go, that is my latest 'only' experience :)
Oh, a slight vent too...I have been friendly with a young couple and their baby boy this past year, they dont work and ask for help constantly with everything in their lives. I was helping them out by purchasing clothes for baby etc. They had their second baby the day before bub no 1 first birthday and have done nothing but complain since. Fine, it must be extremely hard having a newborn and 12 month old. They needed more jumpsuits for new bubba so I went to Target and bought a couple of terry towelling suits in the size requested and dropped them around to their house. Later I was taling to my sister who tells me about this couple (she has known them for a while longer than me) When they were halfway preggers with baby boy 2 they gave away ALL of baby boy 1s clothes and furniture and pram, just cause they wanted all brand new for the new bub WTF??? and apparently only the best will do (good thing I gave them the receipt for the terry towelling suits LOL). ANyway, their FB status one night recently was them complaining that they didnt get alot of sleep the previous night. I assumed the older baby must have been wakeful, fair enough. But no, they were feeling hard done by casue the 6 day old didnt sleep throughh,,,,my response....been there, took 3 years for DS to sleep through, dont stress about your 6 day old he will get there. The response they gave me...how would you know, you only have one. GOSH, it really ticks me off that just cause I have an only, somehow I am not fit to offer advice or empathise with other stressed mothers. If only they knew what I went through with my severe reflus only....
So, thats my only vent for the day.
Come on people lets get this thread moving :)
Widdly - whilst I understand your point about not wanting this to turn into a "should we have another baby thread", I think that this question is something that is an issue for many parents of singles, i.e. the not knowing if this is their own question, or just the expectations of other, etc, IYKWIM. I think that this thread could b e agood place for people to work these issues out and come to realise what they really want in regards to this. So, whilst I don't think that that should be the only issue discussed here, I hope that people don't get put off posting about this issue of it is on their minds...
Anyway, as to our Only issue - I am finding that at the moment, DD is very demanding of my and DH's time. She doesn't really want for anything, but she wants us to constantly play with her, talk to her, watch TV with her (her shows), chase her around, etc. While this is the primary task of parenting, it gets exhausting. I know when I was DD's age, I would play with my sister and we very rarely bothered our parents at all, letting them have time on their own, so I think that this is the biggest issue we have with having an Only - the constant need they have for company. Anyone else feel this?
:yeahthat: I have to absolutely agree with Widdly !!!:
I was in the chatroom here the other night and i asked the girl's if there was a new thread at all for ' only child families ' like myself as i hadn't a chance to look yet ... and one of the girl's sent me to this thread ... and i can't describe the excitement in my heart at the thought of there finally being a thread for parents who have one child and will have no more whether it be by choice or not as i asked the Mods sometime ago i feel i don't fit into any catergories of threads here eg, it's either TTC, m/c, Belly Buddies, etc ... but none available to chat with other parents with one child and no more children to come.
When i entered this thread seeing so many posts about Mother's saying they are either undecided about another child or will so in the future my heart just absolutely plummeted as i realised once again i don't fit into a catergory here on BB :cry:
I thought raising an only child meant just that you have one child and no more to come ... not so much you have your 1st child and there could/will be a 2nd child & so on ... to me it doesn't make sense cause everyone that has a first child and not another on the way YET could be in here (??)
I am *not* having another child by choice which is heartbreaking, and im mending that journey and i thought this thread would be a place i could talk to other parents that have one child & one child only once again whether it be by their choice or not, and we could talk about how we deal with the outcome of having an only child and encourage each other with suggestions, etc ... and it doesn't mean it's all doom and gloom that there are some Mum's happy to have one child and we could learn and grow from each other :grouphug:
Coming in here listening to others talk about they may or may not have another child ... not so much a definite NO i find terribly upsetting. I was hoping this would be a thread to chat to others about a mix of emotions that come with having a definite only child and knowing there will be NO more, for example how to deal with those falling pregnant around you whereas i'm hearing Mother's on this thread already talking about maybe falling pregnant or possibly already being pregnant. To explain what i mean for just an example it would be like my going into a thread for women long term TTC and i talk about how i fall pregnant easily IYKWIM.
I would honestly apologise but i don't feel i should have to because anyone that came into this thread thinking it was about having one child now but possibly another later on could fit into a TTC thread when they decide to have another child IYKWIM, and at least they would have somewhere to go.
If i was going to apologise it would be to the lovely Mods for my not having clearly understood who this thread was for, in case i am wrong in thinking it was for parents of one child and no more TTC or being able to have another child but for parents that are looking to have another child later on or soon ?? So for that i deeply apologise if i have made a silly mistake on my behalf :redface:
I can't imaging how i would bring myself here on this thread to be some sort of support and encouragement to those who CAN actually have another child, and i can't understand how anyone could ask a woman that can't have another child to help do that for them.
I truly thought Mother's that are ABLE to physically have another child and therefore might in the near or distant future consider that there would be Mother's in here that have only one child because they haven't been able to have another. For me my TTC for a 2nd bub has been 3years and a TTC thread is no longer for me but a thread for parents that have an only child for now & always is ... and i thought this thread was just that !!!
I have no where to go now as i am totally confused as to who this thread is for ??
Is it for one child families ?? ... or for tempory one child families for now who can possibly have another child later and those of us that can't have another child or choice to have to feel like we are in a TTC thread ?? :dunno:
It simply feels like i'm in a half way thread for TTC !!
****** To the lovely Mods is there any way of my finding out what people this thread is aimed for ??
TIA for any help & understanding :heartbeat:
IMO this thread should be for those who have one child only - there are so many issues in raising a singleton (I am one myself) that personally I think it warrants its own forum.
Widdly if I could offer a humorous "only child" story - don't ever buy them one of those sticks with a ball on a string (I think its called totem tennis?) There are few things more depressing as a singleton than playing a game by yourself when it is CLEARLY designed for 2 kids. A mate who is a singleton and I were crying into eachothers beer about this one night, laughing at how funny it is to try and hit the ball by yourself.
And don't ever get a singleton a chess set - I used to try and "beat" myself, but could never work out how to "hide" my cunning plans from myself LOL!!!
The mods also feel that this thread is for those who are ONLY having one child, not those who are unsure about TTC etc. There are plenty of other sections for that, this is specificially for those who can not have, or do not want more than one child. Please respect those in this thread and only post if you have ONE child and only plan to have ONE child. Any TTC talk can stay to the TTC sections.