I've lost patience.

Yup its gone. Flown the coop.

Its fair to say that I hate my DD1's behaviour. For the last few months it has gone from bad to worse. The hitting, the complete viciousness towards her siblings - and I'm over it. All she does all day is make the other two kids suffer because she is a bully. And I'm over it, over consoling either the 3 year old or the 1 year old because their sister is mean. Even DS asked the other day why his sister is so mean to him - how the hell do you answer that?

For the third time now, she is currently locked outside with the dog. Its either that or flog the crap outta her (which I definitely don't want to do) but I am so ANGRY with her. I'm sick of her hitting her sister - for no reason. I'm sick of her lying on top of her sister and listening to her scream until I come over and yank her off her - she won't get off no matter how many times I tell her to, I actually have to go and physically get her off DD2. Every time I turn my back, she's laying into the other two, hitting, pinching - you name it she does it.

And I'm over it. I have no idea how to handle the situation bar put her up for adoption because I don't like her anymore :cry: I'm sick of her making my days hell because she's so cruel to others.

Hugs Hun that sounds awful I've had a gutful of jamies behavior at the moment but at least he's not being violent hope u can find a way to get her to stop :hug:

oh my gosh, Mel - I don't know what to say ...

I've got no idea how you're managing to cope, and I'm not surprised you're losing patience!!

Particularly with 2 other tinks to look after, and being 6 months preggers to boot ...

I wish I could give you some advice, or even a hug in real life ...

Is there anyone at all you can get to take either your DD1 or your other two off your hands for a bit, so you can get some quality one-on-one attention with the others? Or even (heaven forbid ...) to lie down by yourself somewhere sunny and read/listen to music/ scream for a wee while ... ?

It probably sounds a bit trite, but I truly hope your DD1 grows/snaps out of this stage soon (like, at 2.30pm today) and starts being a help around the house, and the great big sister you'd like her to be ...

:hug:

Oh hugs, Mel.
I know the feeling. DS1 was like that with DS2, just so rough all the time and it felt like all I was ever doing was breaking up fights. He would shove other kids for no apparent reason too, but mostly his brother. Do other people look at you like you should be doing something about it? I really hated the looks like I could somehow fix my son who just seemed to want to hurt his little brother at every opportunity, that I was being a terrible parent for letting it happen. I smacked, I gave countless time outs, I spoke to him in a rational manner, as did everyone else I know, but it didn't make a scrap of difference.
It isn't your fault. She will grow out of it and you will start to like her again, but it could be a while. I am not really sure when the violence stopped, but it did, and now they get along really well (most of the time). Good luck trying not to strangle her or give her away.

Hugs. I know these days. We had one on Friday!

It's good that you took charge and put her outside. She needs to know your limits and what you will not put up with.

They really try to test us don't they?!?

I'm hearing ya Mel! DD is driving me nutty atm but at least she doesn't have anyone to beat up! My friend you are either a saint or crazy, or perhaps a bit of both.
:hug:

Big hugs you poor thing :hug:.

What is it about the second child??? My DS2 sounds very similar to your DD1! He is so MEAN sometimes. As soon as I'm out of the room he's hurting DD or snatching something from her. He can be so mean to his big brother too. Last night DS1 made a tower out of blocks, held it up and said "Look Mum..", before he could finish his sentence, DS2 ran straight past him and knocked it out of his hands making it fall apart all over the floor. When I told him off, all he did was SMILE! Grrrrrrr.....

I don't have anything to offer but sympathy :hug:.

:hug: Mel

I can totally relate to losing patience and most things you have written about your situation except my patience has been lost over DS (he is always pushing DD2 over, throws a tantrum about just about anything). I feel like I could tear my hair out.

I don't have any advice for you but please know you are not alone :hug:

Oh hun, big hugs :hug:

I've got an almost 2yo who is physical with other kids and it often almost reduces me to tears... I cannot imagine the gibbering mess I would be if she were hurting her brother like that... Your poor DS, asking why she's mean to him... :cry:

I can't remember how old she is - but have you tried asking her why she is doing it? Her answer may surprise you...

Another suggestion - call your community health service (you must have one) and ask if they have a parenting support worker. We have one in my council who does home visits - sounds like it might be time to reach out and get some help on this one.

More big hugs to you. At least she is outside where she can't hurt anyone and you can calm down a bit. :hug:

That must be so hard to deal with when you have 2 other kids to look after too, and being pregnant! How exhausting :hug:

Is she bored? I know my DD gets into mischief if she is not kept entertained with something to do constantly!! LOL!! Can you get out the paints outside for her to paint all over herself with instead of hitting her siblings?

Does she need more one-on-one time with Mum? Sounds like she's got some attention seeking behaviours there and maybe she just needs that extra time with Mum some days? :dunno:

Have you used consequences on her? I find consequences with my DD really helps if she's doing something that is not desirable..... like I will take away her favourite doll that she's been playing with or take off her amber necklace and she HATES that.

Good luck chick you're doing a great job :hug:

Hugs hun i hope her behaviour improves soon. DS1 behaviour can be bad, he sits or lies on DS2 takes things off him etc.

I am here if you want to *****, talk, cry etc.

xoxo

Oh big :hug: Mel, I don't have any suggestions as I haven't been there...yet! I hope she grows out of it soon!!

:hug: Mel. I don't have any advice but I feel for you. DS has started hitting, biting & kicking and I don't know what to do about it either. DH's solution is to shut him in the laundry but I don't think it works. I think he does it in frustration and that only makes it worse IYKWIM. If you find a solution - please share :D In the meantime here's another :hug:. Here's hoping the phase passes quickly.

I know this isn't actually advice or anything, but maybe she's jealous? A is a big boy, old enought o be of help to you whne you need it, and E is a baby, need ing help and your attention, but she's in the middle, not quite big enough to do it herself or really be helpful (just a pita, I know I have one of those too!) but also not so small she really needs your help all the time like E does. So to get more attention she's doing naughty things cause she doesn't know how else to do it, kwim?
If it helps any, my kids are getting really rough and physical with each other too. Generally I send them to their room, or tell them to sort it out! I'm over running to them to help when they're just egging eachother on to do dumb things that gets the other one hurt. Though for you with E, she's too little to do that with. Sorry babe, no ideas. But will a :hug: do?

:

---

Hugs Hun that sounds awful I've had a gutful of jamies behavior at the moment but at least he's not being violent hope u can find a way to get her to stop

---

Yeah I hope so too

:

---

Is there anyone at all you can get to take either your DD1 or your other two off your hands for a bit, so you can get some quality one-on-one attention with the others? Or even (heaven forbid ...) to lie down by yourself somewhere sunny and read/listen to music/ scream for a wee while ... ?

---

DS goes to daycare on a wed and fri and DD1 goes on a friday. So thats my peaceful day.

:

---

I know the feeling. DS1 was like that with DS2, just so rough all the time and it felt like all I was ever doing was breaking up fights. He would shove other kids for no apparent reason too, but mostly his brother. Do other people look at you like you should be doing something about it? I really hated the looks like I could somehow fix my son who just seemed to want to hurt his little brother at every opportunity, that I was being a terrible parent for letting it happen. I smacked, I gave countless time outs, I spoke to him in a rational manner, as did everyone else I know, but it didn't make a scrap of difference.
It isn't your fault. She will grow out of it and you will start to like her again, but it could be a while. I am not really sure when the violence stopped, but it did, and now they get along really well (most of the time). Good luck trying not to strangle her or give her away.

---

She doesn't seem to do it to others - just her siblings :(

:

---

They really try to test us don't they?!?

---

Yes. Yes they most certainly do!

:

---

I'm hearing ya Mel! DD is driving me nutty atm but at least she doesn't have anyone to beat up! My friend you are either a saint or crazy, or perhaps a bit of both.

---

Dunno bout the saint part - but the crazy is true.

:

---

What is it about the second child??? My DS2 sounds very similar to your DD1! He is so MEAN sometimes. As soon as I'm out of the room he's hurting DD or snatching something from her. He can be so mean to his big brother too. Last night DS1 made a tower out of blocks, held it up and said "Look Mum..", before he could finish his sentence, DS2 ran straight past him and knocked it out of his hands making it fall apart all over the floor. When I told him off, all he did was SMILE! Grrrrrrr.....

---

Urgh that sounds exactly like DD1... sooo frustrating. Must be a second child thing cos my sister was really mean to me, and DH's sister was really mean to him!

:

---

I can totally relate to losing patience and most things you have written about your situation except my patience has been lost over DS (he is always pushing DD2 over, throws a tantrum about just about anything). I feel like I could tear my hair out.

I don't have any advice for you but please know you are not alone

---

Thank you :hug:

:

---

I can't remember how old she is - but have you tried asking her why she is doing it? Her answer may surprise you...

Another suggestion - call your community health service (you must have one) and ask if they have a parenting support worker. We have one in my council who does home visits - sounds like it might be time to reach out and get some help on this one.

More big hugs to you. At least she is outside where she can't hurt anyone and you can calm down a bit.

---

She is 2. She wouldn't understand enough to give me an answer if I asked her I don't think. She has a pretty good vocab but not really good with expressing her feelings yet. I'm not sure about the parenting worker - might have to look around a bit. And yes, the only person she can hurt outside is our dog, and she trashes everything out there, but I don't care, cos at least its not her siblings.

:

---

Is she bored? I know my DD gets into mischief if she is not kept entertained with something to do constantly!! LOL!! Can you get out the paints outside for her to paint all over herself with instead of hitting her siblings?

Does she need more one-on-one time with Mum? Sounds like she's got some attention seeking behaviours there and maybe she just needs that extra time with Mum some days? :dunno:

---

one on one time? Hmm.. hard with the other two, but we do the best we can here. She gets my attention on a wednesday when DD2 is sleeping and DS is at daycare. I put her to bed every night now by sitting next to her bed and stroking her hair - never had to do that before, but we've started doing it now in the hope it would help - it hasn't. DH feeds her her dinner every night because she refuses to eat unless its fed to her - never had to do that before, she always fed herself. We don't even do these things for DD1 - so she does get special attention (as much as we can give, we're only human after all).

:

---

Hugs hun i hope her behaviour improves soon. DS1 behaviour can be bad, he sits or lies on DS2 takes things off him etc.

I am here if you want to *****, talk, cry etc.

xoxo

---

Thanks mate :hug:

:

---

Oh big :hug: Mel, I don't have any suggestions as I haven't been there...yet! I hope she grows out of it soon!!

---

Same here, or else she may not survive till 3!

:

---

:hug: Mel. I don't have any advice but I feel for you. DS has started hitting, biting & kicking and I don't know what to do about it either. DH's solution is to shut him in the laundry but I don't think it works. I think he does it in frustration and that only makes it worse IYKWIM. If you find a solution - please share :D In the meantime here's another :hug:. Here's hoping the phase passes quickly.

---

We used to put her in the corner for time out - did nothing. We put her in her bedroom - did nothing, she played with her toys quite happily. So now she has to go outside because if she can't play nicely, then she can't play with us at all - thats the rule.

Thanks guys, I've calmed down a bit, and will probably get her inside now - a brief shower went through just before so she got a bit rained on... lol

:hug: I hope my comments didn't upset you Mel, was just trying to offer suggestions and support. I know you do the best you can by all of your kids, I can only imagine how much work it all is. I'm exhausted with just one toddler and being pregnant!
Sounds like you are giving your DD plenty of one-on-one time....so it mustn't be that then.

:hug:

has she ever had a hearing test????? or ears checked for fluid/glue ear??

:

---

one on one time? Hmm.. hard with the other two, but we do the best we can here. She gets my attention on a wednesday when DD2 is sleeping and DS is at daycare. I put her to bed every night now by sitting next to her bed and stroking her hair - never had to do that before, but we've started doing it now in the hope it would help - it hasn't. DH feeds her her dinner every night because she refuses to eat unless its fed to her - never had to do that before, she always fed herself. We don't even do these things for DD1 - so she does get special attention (as much as we can give, we're only human after all).

---

Def sounds like attention seeking in my humble opinion babe.... and its SO hard to address with other little ones, trust me.... :wall:

Would she understand an "allocated" time? You can put a sticker on the clock at say 12pm, and tell her when the hands get there, she can pick what to do with mummy.. (doesnt matter if DS is there, but bub should b ein bed, and its her choice what you do) or pick a job, packing up, then its her turn to choose.. even pulling out paint and playdough, and saying "Your big now, you choose!"

It got so hard with mine I started to throw their toys out... if they done something they had just been told NOT to do, i would throw out a fave toy.. tears and tantrums, but when i threatrened it again, they knew I meant it, and they'd straighten up quick smart!!

Even just calling her a "big girl" can make a massive difference (sometimes!), and giving her a "job" when she looks bored.. even whispering that she is very big now, and ds1 cant do it, so can she please wipe the toilet.. give her a wet cloth and let her go... playing little games like this can distract from the nasty behaviour.. (again, sometimes!)

Good luck sweets, its so hard :shakehead:..xoxoxoxoxo

I wish I had the answers Mel :hug:. Sounds like you're having a really hard time with her. If you need a break from her, feel free to drop her off here for a couple of hours -I'm not just offering to be nice, I mean it!

Lilias - she is jealous, and we know that. But i think there is only so much you can "Favour" her, without the other two getting upset and wanting their share of attention too ya know?

:

---

:hug: I hope my comments didn't upset you Mel, was just trying to offer suggestions and support. I know you do the best you can by all of your kids, I can only imagine how much work it all is. I'm exhausted with just one toddler and being pregnant!
Sounds like you are giving your DD plenty of one-on-one time....so it mustn't be that then.

---

I know you were offering suggestions - but sometimes its hard to hear suggestions when you already know what the problem is (plus I had a toddler in my arms whilst typing so had to be brief). We know she wants attention, we know she is jealous - hence the extra stuff we do with her. But I think the only solution to the problem (for her) would be to give the other two away and ya know - thats not an option. So how much more do I take from the other two to give to her? :dunno:

:

---

:hug:

has she ever had a hearing test????? or ears checked for fluid/glue ear??

---

She had a hearing test when she was born? But thats the only one so far. She doesn't suffer from ear infections that much, its the other two that seem to have that problem.

:

---

Def sounds like attention seeking in my humble opinion babe.... and its SO hard to address with other little ones, trust me.... :wall:

Would she understand an "allocated" time? You can put a sticker on the clock at say 12pm, and tell her when the hands get there, she can pick what to do with mummy.. (doesnt matter if DS is there, but bub should b ein bed, and its her choice what you do) or pick a job, packing up, then its her turn to choose.. even pulling out paint and playdough, and saying "Your big now, you choose!"

It got so hard with mine I started to throw their toys out... if they done something they had just been told NOT to do, i would throw out a fave toy.. tears and tantrums, but when i threatrened it again, they knew I meant it, and they'd straighten up quick smart!!

Even just calling her a "big girl" can make a massive difference (sometimes!), and giving her a "job" when she looks bored.. even whispering that she is very big now, and ds1 cant do it, so can she please wipe the toilet.. give her a wet cloth and let her go... playing little games like this can distract from the nasty behaviour.. (again, sometimes!)

Good luck sweets, its so hard :shakehead:..xoxoxoxoxo

---

I do stuff with her, gosh its sounding like everyone thinks I don't do stuff with her. I pulled out stuff today for her to do, when Eden was asleep so she couldn't wreck it on the older two, so we had a good morning, and then as soon as Eden was awake, the fights started. I don't do play doh when Eden is awake though, because DD1 just pulls it apart and puts it on the floor for DD2 to eat - which she knows she's not allowed to do, but doesn't stop her from doing it.

:

---

I wish I had the answers Mel :hug:. Sounds like you're having a really hard time with her. If you need a break from her, feel free to drop her off here for a couple of hours -I'm not just offering to be nice, I mean it!

---

Nah I couldn't do that to you guys - I think you guys have enough on your plate at the moment. Thanks for the offer though. I'd hate it if she started beating up your little man.

We've got a couple of weeks 'off', so it really wouldn't be any trouble. And I doubt she's get to Oliver - like you said, she only does it to her own siblings. The offer is there (if you ever stop being stubborn and give in! :p).

defently not second child syndrom cause M is my vicious, screaming, not listening violent child.

I have days were I feel like im rocking back and forward in the corner because of his behaviour. V and I end up going outside into the garden or my bedroom to get away from it.
I take my hat of to you though, atleast you havent smacked back....I have and as much as I didnt like it and hated my reaction it did make him stop for a short time.

:comfort: its so much easier when their at school :lol:

OMG - Your DD1 and My DD1 (who are the same age) are peas on a pod! (I only have one other to worry about though) Big :hug:
I completely understand where you are coming from and same as you, i'm yet to find a solution that works. It sounds like you are doing everything you can and hopefully (or at least i'm hoping) its a phase they are going through and it will pass :crossfingers:

Can we send them both on a holiday together somewhere - get it all out of their systems and come back to us as nice kids again :think:

oh hun its such a tough situation..

we can all tell you have tried soo many things adn its still not helping.

tay gets like that soemtimes especially when im near maree.

i just be sterna dn ignore the behavious, i make sure everyone is safe ofcourse. but when she starts carrying on, i just look her in teh eyes and say " taylah, your nwo a big girl, you want to continue to act like a naughty girl, fine but please do it where i cant see it like your bedroom. if you want to stay out here, be nice and behave"

then i ask her to apologise to everyone once she has settled down.
so she really understands that ehr behaviour is not acceptable.

Does A fight back? Or just take it because she is a girl? I am guesing E is not quite big enough to hold her own yet.

Only asking because, as bad as it sounds, I think that it was when DS2 got big enough to fight back and I just left them to it a bit more, that it got better. I tried being super attentive with DS1 too, but I am pretty sure in the end they had to sort it out for themselves. That probably isn't very helpful when there will be another child who will need to find their place soon, but you may just need to play referee for a while longer. Hopefully as they are so close in age it won't be long before they all become friends again.

I don't think anyone was thinking that you don't do stuff with her hun. We all know you're a great mumma. I just think it's that she has higher attention needs than the other two, and acts out accordingly. She's found that hurting and being mean to the others makes you come to pay her attention, albeit negative attention. But if she's getting into trouble, then I guess in her mind the other two aren't getting attention, kwim? And it's possibly just the terrible twos.
DS is going through it now and pushes me to the end of my tehter. It's making me tear my hair out becasue DD never went through it. DD was pretty bad at 3, but it has gone now and she's back to her normal pretty thoughtful little self. But DS just tries stuff to push buttons. I see him glance at me before he does something he thinks will get my back up, then the look of 'mischevious' on his face when he does it and I get cranky at him. He's just trying out what he can do and what he can't but by god he ****s me!!!
Have you tried not paying her attention. So if she lays on E, pull her off, turn your back to her and pay all of the attention to E, and get A in on the act too if you can, you know 'Poor baby, are you ok, awww, that squashed you didn't it, come on let us(as in you A and E) go play nicely together.' Then M needs to apologise to E for hurting her, and she can join you when she's going to be nice...You have probably tried it....but hey thought I'd try to make a useful suggestion!

:hug:s mate, you must be pulling your hair out. I don't have much advice, but Bring on your DD1's realisation of empathy I say! I hope the phase passes soon for you mate.

TBH Mel I think it's just kind of a rotten age for a lot of kids. I know that DD is a little beast around her friends and other kids the same age - she WILL.NOT.SHARE, throws tantrums when another child has a toy she wants (even if it is not hers and she has never seen it before) pushes, hits and screams at other kids if I am not all over her like a rash (and even if I am sometimes). I mean what kind of a kid can't share an ENTIRE JUMPING CASTLE with one other kid without a meltdown? At the end of the day I am exhausted from just dealing with her refusals, demands, bargaining, delaying, procrastinating, fighting and tantrums and I don't have any other kids to juggle. So I don't know how you do it. :hug: And you know what, there is nothing wrong with putting her out in the yard with the dog if you have to!

I'm sorry if my answers to some responses were brief and a bit harsh. I had a really bad day today, and wasn't really expecting advice, it was more of a vent so I wouldn't kill her!

It doesn't help that I'm sick as a dog, have a ulcer on my tongue which mum says is because I'm run down, Eden is going through her clingy, separation anxiety stage (which means that I can't even put her down without a screaming fest if I try to wipe Aricyn's bum after a poo!) and its all getting so hard to deal with on a daily basis - especially when you throw DD1's tendency to hit into the mix.

I'm lucky really - DS has improved incredibly to what he used to be like, and 95% of the time he is a really really good kid. So he helps me a bit.

Just a crappy crappy day.

:

---

I do stuff with her, gosh its sounding like everyone thinks I don't do stuff with her. .

---

That is definatly not the case babe....:hug:

We're just giving suggestions that we have used/heard of that have worked in some cases... I'm sorry if it came out wrong......:cry:

:

---

DS has improved incredibly to what he used to be like, and 95% of the time he is a really really good kid.

---

Well there is hope for DD1 right there. Just hope it happens quickly for you!
:grouphug:

:hug:

:hug: :hug: :hug: I know how you feel. My kids had me in tears today. Since we have told DS I have to go to hospital next week, he has been so naughty in every way possible and DD is copying him. I am sick of him hurting DD. He is also having major separation issues, won't let me out of his sight, won't go out with Dh and wants to sit on me all day. So of course DD wants to do the same. I just want some space to breath. Sorry for talking about myself but I just wanted to let you know I know how you feel and am thinking of you. I hope your DD improves soon. :hug: :hug:

:hug: :hug: I have no advice to offer, but I think you're a freaking champion dealing with three kids under 4 and another on the way. I have days when I think mine will send me mental & some of them are almost grown :lol:
I think lilias said it well

:

---

I just think it's that she has higher attention needs than the other two, and acts out accordingly.

---

-but boy oh boy where are you supposed to pull the extra time from :(
So I dunno, but big hugs :hug: You deserve a medal, seriously.

Sorry .I wish I had answers. It is so tiresome, draining, and all the rest of it. Big massive hugs. :hug:

I think you're doing awesome too.
xox

Mel - sounds alot llike me DS2! No matter what I do he just gets worse all I can offer is big :hugs: and hope and pray that WE find a solution!!!