I just have to get this out!

How rude is this!!

We were invited to a State of Origin Party and I accepted the invitation and asked what we could bring....now....normally if I was hosting I would say (if asked) "Oh, please don't bring anything!" and then normally the people invited would bring something snacky anyway like a packet of chips, bottle of Coke or bikkies....just something!

So...when I asked the question "What can I bring?" I didn't bet on was them asking if I could bring a Hot Chicken :o

These people are notoriously tight wads....but come on! Every time we have had them over for Dinner I have never asked them to bring anything and they have never bought anything! Would it kill them to put Dinner on just this once!?! :angry: So rude!

Plus, what annoys me the most is that they know that I work part time, my husband is at Uni so we don't have a lot of money to go throwing around, as it was, for dinner we were going to throw a frozen pizza in the oven.

I am not sure why this annoys me so much, but seriously have manners completly gone out the window!?

maybe next time aske them 'so what are you planning on for dinner?' when they reply hot chicken then offer to bring a side of potato salad or some bread rolls or something.

Hmm, I don't think there is anything wrong with it "hides"... You did ask what you could bring... And I know with my group of friends we all chip in, so when one of us throw a BBQ we all jump in one graps drinks, the other meat, the other salad etc. It might just be me but I thought that was the norm...

2cheekymonkeys - That might be the way to go next time.

Catastrophic: Really? There are only 4 of us going and they want me to bring a Chicken? That's pretty much Dinner done right?

Maybe your right but they ALWAYS free load of us, and for once they invite us around for Dinner and then ask us to bring the dinner? LOL

Next time you have them over make sure you ask them to bring something - then it will all even out :)

I am the same as you, I wouldn't expect a guest to bring anything to something I am hosting but I would take something small to someone else's house.

I think it always depends on what is the norm with your group of friends. whenever we have a get together, we always divide up the meal so everyone brings something. That has been our way since the beginning.
I get why your annoyed though Blondie, If they are a couple who never contribute but always expect people to and that they have asked you to bring what sounds like the main part of a meal then I would be annoyed too. Could you maybe go buy some premarinated chicken wings and cook them there in the oven.

same here, however the person holding the dinner usually buys and provides the biggest item.. so the main meat or whatever it is. everyone else brings the sides or dessert or drinks.

i can see how it would be irritating if this particular couple never contributes to anything though.. but yeah.. you did ask! thats why i thought next time you should be more specific in what you will bring and not leave it open for them to tell you what to bring.

There are some good idea's :)

I agree, with most of our friends we sort of take it in turns to host dinner and the people who's turn it is usually provide the bulk of it and then the rest of us bring bits and peices, salad, rolls etc etc...I guess i'm just a bit put out that they cannot show us the same courtesy.

LOL, well you did ask!

Seriously though, if you have a frozen pizza in the freezer, just take that, and say they were all out of hot chooks ;-) I guess it's annoying if they're notorious, but maybe they just figure, well if people ask then why not, and if they know what's coming they can plan something, instead of 10 packets of plain chips and no drink (Which has happened to us before and ended up in a mad dash to IGA!).

Sorry but you did ask, I don't see anything wrong with saying yeah thanks grab a chook.
We take something to friends all the time (and yep I've taken a chook), more often than not we have a few types of meat etc on offer so it might not be the main part of the meal.

Next time you host I'd just say, would you mind bringing a chook :) even it out.

I understand what you mean about one sided friends but you know what, next time don't offer, jsut show up empty handed - fairs fair right.




Sent from my iPhone, more than likely while I should be doing something else!

You asked, they said. End of story.

If you don't bother asking them to bring stuff, it isn't their fault they ask you to bring stuff. If you didn't want to bring anything then you shouldn't have asked.

I don't find it rude at all.

I agree with others you asked they answered not a problem there.

I always offer to take things to people's houses, and even if they say nothing I still tend to take something even if just chips or soft drink or wine!

You did ask. Generally I aim to provide everything when I host but over the years I have realised that other people host differently. Next time ask them to bring a couple of rump steak to yours.
In future maybe keep in mind that what you think of as an empty pleasantly might be taken at face value.

I don't think it is a simple as she asked and they answered. Blondie explained how it is normally with her group of friends. Okay, maybe she has learnt that she will need to find a better way to ask these friends, but if they had of said, yeah bring a case of beer, a bottle of bourban or anything more expensive would everyone still think since she asked and they answered that she should have to be happy with the answer.

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2cheekymonkeys - That might be the way to go next time.

Catastrophic: Really? There are only 4 of us going and they want me to bring a Chicken? That's pretty much Dinner done right?

Maybe your right but they ALWAYS free load of us, and for once they invite us around for Dinner and then ask us to bring the dinner? LOL

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Yep, I wouldn't think thats dinner done tho. I'm maybe just old fashion like that. . . You did ask...

I understand totally! We also have friends who come for dinner and never even bring anything, eat out food then leave without even offering to tidy up.

I do understand also why ppl think if you asked what to bring, they said something and end of story and usually it would be in most other situations.
But you know these people and by the sounds you are bringing the dinner to their party.
Do you know what they are making. Maybe you could call them back and ask, if I am bringing the chicken what are we going to have with it? I am not sure but as I said we have Friends like that too so totally get how annoying that would be!

Oops, lol! Next time don't ask if you don't want to bring anything. And you could have also have said no. I would have just said 'sorry, don't have time to organise that but I can bring ......' etc :)

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I don't think it is a simple as she asked and they answered. Blondie explained how it is normally with her group of friends. Okay, maybe she has learnt that she will need to find a better way to ask these friends, but if they had of said, yeah bring a case of beer, a bottle of bourban or anything more expansive would everyone still think since she asked and they answered that she should have to be happy with the answer.

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I don't drink anymore but if I did I would find it inconceivable to turn up for a party/gathering without a bottle of something. I haven't drunk for 7 years but I still get the urge to drop into the bottle shop to grab drinks if I'm on the way to see people.
I hate arriving at someone's house empty handed. Even if they expect nothing I still have an expectation upon myself to brinf something.

Im hearin ya blondie, that's how our gatherings work too!

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You asked, they said. End of story.

If you don't bother asking them to bring stuff, it isn't their fault they ask you to bring stuff. If you didn't want to bring anything then you shouldn't have asked.

I don't find it rude at all.

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Ummm excuse me....I did offer to bring something which was a genuine offer but not the whole meal. I just resent that these people always rock up with nothing and never once even think to bring something however small along just because. Clearly you have no freeloading friends....so I must seem like an over-reactor.

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I don't drink anymore but if I did I would find it inconceivable to turn up for a party/gathering without a bottle of something. I haven't drunk for 7 years but I still get the urge to drop into the bottle shop to grab drinks if I'm on the way to see people.
I hate arriving at someone's house empty handed. Even if they expect nothing I still have an expectation upon myself to brinf something.

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Yes but again that is your situation and how you and your friends work. Blondie explained the way it is with her friends and how they normally do their get togethers.

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I don't think it is a simple as she asked and they answered. Blondie explained how it is normally with her group of friends. Okay, maybe she has learnt that she will need to find a better way to ask these friends, but if they had of said, yeah bring a case of beer, a bottle of bourban or anything more expansive would everyone still think since she asked and they answered that she should have to be happy with the answer.

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In our group we wouldn't think twice if they asked us to supply a slab or a bottle, we all put in and if we ask & that's the reply so be it... If money is short then I'd be honest & say sorry guys not this week, how about I bring .......

Also if you know these friends are free loaders & you don't like that they don't offer then either ask them to bring something upfront to contribute, talk to them about it or don't invite them.

Yes it's courtesy to ask but maybe they missed the course in manners.

I have free loader friends but I learnt quick enough not to offer to them & to be blunt about what I expected if them, 1 I'm still great friends with, the other couldn't see why I was upset and well we see each other maybe once a year.

Sent from my iPhone, more than likely while I should be doing something else!

I think it's ruder that you asked, she said and now you are *****ing.

What it's $10 that's what I'd take in drinks or desert. I reckon you can't ask then complain no matter what.

Sorry

Perhaps it's simply that they thought hot chicken would be a great meal and they figured that you were in the car driving over so it would be easier for you to nip into the supermarket and pick up a hot fresh chicken rather than them having to get in the car to get one.

My brother is a notorious free-loader - but we have learned it's not about free-loading. He doesn't think about who owes what to who, or who spends more or earns more. He's just a bit lazy and looking for a convenient way to get things done. That usually means getting other's to do it!

At least you can be guaranteed a nice hot tasty meal tonight.

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In our group we wouldn't think twice if they asked us to supply a slab or a bottle, we all put in and if we ask & that's the reply so be it... If money is short then I'd be honest & say sorry guys not this week, how about I bring .......

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Neither would I when it comes to my group of friends as that is the norm for us, but it that really has nothing to do with blondies situation.

Yeah it sucks that she has some friends that are freeloaders and based on past history with her friends, I am sure when bloondie made the offer she had a different idea of what the answer might be and is a little shocked by it and came on here to speak her mind. What is only $10 to one person, might be alot more to someone else.

Is the friendship worth more to you than a BBQ chook?

If so, I'd forget about it. You asked, you got the answer.

To me, hospitality is just that - being hospitable. It's not about keeping score.
If I'm not comfortable about opening my home and sharing what I had with people, I wouldn't invite them. But I certainly dont consider it a quid pro quo arrangement.

Wow, empathy vacuum in this thread. Did I miss a full moon or something?
Think Blondie was just having a vent- as we all like to do now and then.

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Never would I when it comes to my group of friends as that is the norm for us, but it that really has nothing to do with blondies situation.

Yeah it sucks that she has some friends that are freeloaders and based on past history with her friends, I am sure when bloondie made the offer she had a different idea of what the answer might be and is a little shocked by it and came on here to speak her mind. What is only $10 to one person, might be alot more to someone else.

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Yeah to be honest I did just get on here to vent and I do appreciate others opinons but I didn't expect to be attacked...

In our group, we share the hosting and the host provides pretty much everything and then others bring bits and peices, which can be anything...so if they want to bring something it can be what ever they want. I have probably said this 15 times already but these people are not "playing by the rules" so to speak. They are happy to go to other peoples's houses for Dinner, take nothing, eat their fill and leave and but aren't prepared to reciprecate...

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Wow, empathy vacuum in this thread. Did I miss a full moon or something?
Think Blondie was just having a vent- as we all like to do now and then.

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Yeah but this is the life etiquette forum, not punching bag, to me this is a place for discussion and opinions.

I too wouldn't have an issue, freeloaders or not. A roast chook from Woolies isn't a meal for 4 adults to me. Someone else is probably bringing some salads, some breads, dessert. Drinks? I'll always ask to bring something, or even if I'm hanging out for pizza, I'll offer to at the very least pay for my share, if not the whole thing. My friends and I treat each other; one night you get this, next time it's my shout. A $10 chook is cheaper than bringing a bottle of plonk for 4, or a dessert for 4. So to me it's not bad etiquette, I have no qualms in asking friends for help. This weekend we're moving houses, and I've roped in friends to help, drive and tow and move all our stuff 30 minutes away. We're paying them in pizza :p So not really a 'fair' payment for the labour, but we will happily help them out whenever the need it :)

Hun I don't think you're being attacked. Nobody is having a go at you, there is just a lot of opposition to your opinion, which can seem overwhelming.

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Wow, empathy vacuum in this thread. Did I miss a full moon or something?
Think Blondie was just having a vent- as we all like to do now and then.

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LOL! Thank you!

In that case stop inviting then or accept that's how they are and enjoy their friendship.

I think she was just having a vent too, its her situation and to her this is alot to take to someones house. OBVIOUSLY she will learn from this and not do it again.
I think its a strange thing for somone to ask but I would take it if asked.

Perhaps this original post would have been better being posted in the boohoo room.

I get why your peeved but I don't agree they did the wrong thing. When people accept certain behaviors, how are they to know its not right? I have friends that are just completely oblivious unless we specifically point stuff out. Even if it is staring them in the eye with lights flashing and sirens blaring.

Sorry you feel the way you do and I do hope you either find a way to make peace with the situation or change it..
Good luck hun!

Wrong section for a vent ;)

I think I'm going to worry now that when people offer to help me or bring something that they aren't bring genuine. Eek!

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Wrong section for a vent ;)

I think I'm going to worry now that when people offer to help me or bring something that they aren't bring genuine. Eek!

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Duly noted ;)

yeah but would you ask them to bring the main meal? LOL

sounds like it's not actually that they asked you to bring a chook that bothers you... it's the inequity of it.... that they don't usually contribute.....

I guess you are going to have to ask them to bring something next time - perhaps the manners they are lacking is in the 'offering' to bring something to yours... rather than in asking you to bring a chicken....

(personally I reckon a chicken is WAY easier to arrange than a salad or something.... there's no preparation!)

But I agree with most of the others..... if you are going to ask, you are silly to be annoyed when they ask you to bring something you're not happy about..... I guess if you want to be polite, you offer to bring something that suits you...., or you say... "hmm sorry, I won't be have time to get a chicken, but I have a frozen pizza I can bring if that's okay?" (but prepared for them to be annoyed at you though if you did say that.... cause... if you're going to ask... well .....

(still you're entitled to feel irritated if you feel the friendship is a bit unbalanced..... just have to work out what you can do to feel better about that ;) )

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Duly noted ;)

yeah but would you ask them to bring the main meal? LOL

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But us it the main meal?
I'd assume you would need more than 1 chook for 4+ adults.

I understand why your frustrated but unless your willing to talk to them about 'the rules' id just accept it is what it is and possibly not offer in the future if it comes with certain standards (not being rude just couldn't think of a better way)


Sent from my iPhone, more than likely while I should be doing something else!

Completely off topic, but I keep thinking about people saying one chook would not feed 4 adults. We normally eat a roast chook (with potato, vegies and or salad) at DH parents on a sunday and that one chook feeds 8 adults and 4 kids so to me it is very much possible that the chook is the main part of the meal.

Sorry completely off track.

I even checked that this wasn't a boohoo before I replied.

I would have said.

Oh dear it's not nice to feel used, if it was a boohoo.

But an etiquette question I stand by what I said

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I think I'm going to worry now that when people offer to help me or bring something that they aren't bring genuine. Eek!

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So am I lol