How did you feel about having a c/s?

I ended up having an emergency c/s due to fetal distress. A CTG picked up fetal heart rate drops, so they tried inducing me, but it stressed bub even more - so I was whisked away for a c/s. It all happened very quickly, but for the most part I've made my peace with it.

What I'm still having trouble dealing with is that I feel like I can't say I "had" my baby or "gave birth" - because I didn't. I guess I feel like I had nothing to do with the birth of my baby, apart from being present in the operating room. Because of this (and the way you don't see anything in a c/s) I have trouble connecting the baby I felt in my belly with my DS - it feels like two completely different things.

I'd like to try for VBAC next time, because I would like the experience of birthing my baby. I feel a bit left out when there's talk about labour, because I never got to experience it. Plus, I'd really like to know that I can birth a baby.

I'm not depressed about having a c/s - I have made my peace with it - it was necessary and now that DS is here I don't care how he got here. Still, I think it's important for me to get my head around all this, and get off my chest some of the little things that still niggle at me.

Sorry this has been so long. Please, anyone, feel free to share their feelings and experiences about having a c/s. Did you have any similar feelings?

Before I had my first Cs I was so dead against them.. I really really didn't want one.. Afterwards I knew it was for the best and to be honest I was bisy dealing with a sick baby so didn't have time to dwell in it.. When I found out I was pg with number 3 I tossed up the idea of a vbac but then what happened with Ds2 made me think no way.. With number 4 I once again thought of trying for a vbac2 but in th end opted for a c/s,,

Sometimes I sit here and think what would have been like then I snap myself out of it and go you know I did give birth, just differently to some. I made the choice I had to at that time and nothing I say or do will change it..

I had an emergency c-sect due to 'fetal distress' - which I don't know if it was true or not b/c dd had apgar scores of 9&9. Anyway, I have no problems having a c-sect, maybe b/c they 'asked' me if I wanted to keep labouring or have the c-sect, and obviously I chose the later? I also agree with aussienic - what is done is done I can't turn that around now. I also don't really understand giving and not giving birth - but from what I have read from your & other posters this is a truly distressing issue. For me, I just shrug it off. I suppose I don't say or think h'ere is my dd who was born c-sect & ff '- probably sounds weird but I only care about my dd being here & being healthy - whatever happened nearly 20 mths ago is out of my control now and for me I see no point in dwelling on it. Plus I want to try for a VBAC next time, so I want my focus to be on that not on the c-sect - IYKWIM?

My feelings have been very similar to yours Selina... trouble saying that *I* gave birth when I felt I didn't do anything.

I also felt disconnected, and did for a long time (am slowly 'connecting' and seeing myself as 'mum'). As far as I was concerned that could have been any baby they handed to me, how to hell did I know? I think though that a level of disconnection is sooooooooooooo common. People just don't talk about it.

Everyone expects you to be so completely in love with this little baby as soon as you see it...
but for me I can say it didn't happen until WEEKS after the birth. I was ashmed so didn't say it out loud but honestly I think its so much more common than you think.

Sorry I can't find the right words to write but please know you aren't alone xxxx If you think you need some extra support please chat to your CHN.

I guess I had a bit of a different experience to you - I had a c-section for a breech baby, so I had fore-warning and made my peace with it before hand. My experience was definiately made so much more positive by the midwife we had and a theatre nurse. The nurse explained everything that was going on and encouraged me to breathe as though I was in labour when they were lifting DS out. As strange as it sounds, I really believe that it helped me in feeling like I had done something. Not long after I had him, a 'friend' said to me "Aren't you upset that you didn't give birth" and I remember feeling really shocked because I felt like I had - I had the baby and the scar to prove it IYKWIM.

I never really connected with DS as the baby in my belly either - I never saw it from the aspect of having the c-section. I just think that there was "Lester" in my stomach (DH's nickmane, not mine!) and then we had the real thing who had a face and personality, not just there to kick and get hiccups.

I wish I could explain that part a bit better - I tend to ramble :redface:. There was an interesting thread a while back about how long it took people to feel a connection towards their child, and lots of girls said they never felt that "instant love" that everyone seems to talk about.

I also has an emergency c-section for failure to progress, it is almost a year now and while I have come to terms with it now it did take many months. As others have said it felt sureal that one day DS was in my tummy and the next he was in my arms. I also felt disconnected for weeks but with time I can now say I did give birth (cause I did he just had a little help) and we are both healthy and that is main thing.

Be kind to yourself, spend some time with your little one just staring at his face etc...

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As far as I was concerned that could have been any baby they handed to me, how to hell did I know?

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Ha! That is exactly the joke I made to myself when I underwent a C/S!!!
With that curtain in the way and them telling my DH to sit down and not look - they were not too keen on him checking out my intestine apparently :sick: !!! I just kept imagining the docs and nurses behind the curtain trying to look busy with my abdomen while they pretended to do the c/s then someone secretly rushing in from another room with a baby and then presenting her over the curtain - "here's one we prepared earlier" :rofl:

NB: I hadn't slept for 3 nights and was quite delirious with exhaustion after labouring for 48 hours go to whoa by then!!!

But to answer your question, I certainly did not want a c/s when I was going through pregnancy and had researched thoroughly what to expect in labour. I felt very prepared and positive about my labour and it all went really well.... just for a really long time! In the end I had to have a c/s even though it was something I really really wanted to avoid. However, I feel really fine about it. Mostly this is because I was allowed to labour for a really long time at the hospital with great support (30 hours from 6pm on monday evening until 11.58pm tuesday evening!) So I felt as if my labour was a large part of my 'giving birth' experience and I just look at the c/s as the final part of that.

I think that if I didn't feel so positive about my labour or if I was rushed into a emergency c/s very quickly without any control of the situation or before I had really had a chance to try on my own, I may have had a different attitude to my c/s and would have been less likely to be positive about it. As it stands for me, I absolutely feel that I gave birth to my DD.

I had an emergency c-sec with a very prem and breech bub.
I always proudly say that I gave birth to her just because she came through the sunroof She still came from MY body.
I can appreciate how people feel they don't "birth" their babies but no matter how they come out they come frm your body.

Definition of birth
the time when something begins (especially life); " "his election signaled the birth of a new age"
the event of being born; "they celebrated the birth of their first child"
parturition: the process of giving birth
parentage: the kinship relation of an offspring to the parents
give birth: cause to be born; "My wife had twins yesterday!"
a baby born; an offspring; "the overall rate of incidence of Down's syndrome is one in every 800 births"

After having 4 natural births & then being faced with a C-Section due to medical reason`s,I was really scared,but at the end of the day bub & I were fine,but wouln`t like to go through another,I would deffinately be trying for VBAC,I didn`t like the slow recovery afterwards & not being able to get around much. I think for myself I was getting cranky & frustrated with myself,for not being able to run my house hold too,but you just have to remember,you just had major surgery! Another thing that i can remember was in recovery i got really upset,as bub was whipped away so quickly,i only got a glimps of him,then it was all up to DH,to look after him,for a couple of hours.I miss the bonding on the chest,first breast feed after birthing,as the Midwives let DH,give bub a bottle :rolleyes:.

[quote=jackrose;1690511]With that curtain in the way and them telling my DH to sit down and not look - they were not too keen on him checking out my intestine apparently :sick:

I had an overhead light thing above me that wasn't turned on and it was very clearly reflected what was going on behind the curtain. Double :sick: . I kept turning my head away, not wanting to see it and DH thought something was wrong. I didn't tell him what I could see because he would of been "Cool. Let me see!"

Sorry to get off track from the OP.

I've had similar feelings as Selina and Leasha. I had an emergency c/s under general anesthetic at 36+4, and so it was totally unexpected and I really didn't have time to think about it when it all happened. The fact it was under general anesthetic made it a lot harder to come to terms with after... One minute i'm being put to sleep, the next minute i'm awake and handed a baby and all I could think was 'is this my baby, it could be anyones'.

Such a hard thing to come to terms with. And I definitely felt disconnected, and only now, almost 8 weeks later can i look at her and think 'this is my daughter' and feel absolute complete love for her.

I look at the photos DP took just after she was born and feel a lot of sadness that I didn't get to share that experience with him, that first look at our child. I still find it hard to think about the birth, because it feels like my body failed me, although in the end, if I had had a normal birth, she probably wouldn't be here, and that it much harder to think about.

I too have made peace with the fact that I had c/s. I'm still disappointed, but in the end i'm ok and my daughter is ok and that is the most important thing.

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Another thing that i can remember was in recovery i got really upset,as bub was whipped away so quickly,i only got a glimps of him,then it was all up to DH,to look after him,for a couple of hours.I miss the bonding on the chest,first breast feed after birthing,as the Midwives let DH,give bub a bottle :rolleyes:.

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This is something that bothered me too. They brought DS over to me after looking him over, but I couldn't move and could barely see him. Then DS and DH left and I stayed in recovery. It was almost 2 hours from the time DS was born to when I got to hold him for the first time. After having the importance of that first skin-to-skin contact drummed into me, I was quite upset to miss out on that close contact after birth.

Thank you everyone for your responses - it's great to know you're not alone. :)

Yes, Jazz and Shel left and went back up to maternity while I stayed in recovery, I didn't get to hold her until a little over 2 hours after she was born, let alone feed her. I felt really upset that I was 'introduced' to my own baby... plus the fact that for the first few days I pretty much couldn't do anything for her, I couldn't even pick her up when she cried or change her nappy. I couldn't be a mum, which I think had a huge impact.

I feel ok about my c-section which really surprises me actually. Throughout the pregnancy I was really focused on a natural drug-free birth and I was so so scared of having to have a c-section. But I think the reason I'm ok with it is because of my labour. I really feel like I did everything I possibly could and a c-section was the only answer. I was in labour for 33 hrs. Went to hospital 10pm on a friday night and she wasn't born until 2.30 Sunday morning. So they let me do my own thing. I had my active labour. Didn't ask for the gas until about mid-day Saturday when I was getting pretty exhausted. Then when I wasn't progressing still by Sat night despite having strong contractions 2 mins apart pretty much the whole time and they decided to give me the drip to see if it would help and I decided on an epidural because I was totally exhausted and petrified of the thought of contractions getting even stronger. And I didn't want to try the pethidine bc I knew it didn't do much and I didn't want it getting through to the baby. After waiting even longer for the drip to work and having 2 epidurals inserted bc the first didn't work, bub still wasn't moving down into my pelvis enough and the had to get the Dr to come check me out. He was so nice and I think this played a big part in how I feel now. He really wanted me to have a natural birth and said he would usually try and use a vaccum in any situation but honestly thought it was too dangerous bc bub was in the perfect position for birth but the fact that she wasn't moving down and there was still a tiny bit of cervix left meant there could be a reason she couldn't get out and it's possible she was just a bit big. I am only little and she was 8lb 10oz and also my mum had the same problem when giving birth and had 4 caesarians. I cried when he told me he thought a caesar was the way to go bc it's not how I imagined it would be. But the way everything happened and the reasons for it helped me to feel ok about it because I believe I couldn't have done any more than I did. He also took time to explain to me that it wasn't anything I'd done and that it didn't mean I couldn't have a normal birth in the future.
Afterwards Grace was bought straight over to me and DH held her close to me while they finished up. Then when they were finished she was put straight on my chest for skin to skin and breastfed straight away. I imagine this helped a lot too.

Well, that turned out longer than expected.

Almost 11 months later and I can safely say that I am not over the fact that I ended up with a c/section. I felt disempowered by my doctor, DH (although bless him he was doing his best) and the midwives and I am not sure today whether I will ever "get over it". I hate the fact that my body didn't do what it was supposed to do and I hate the fact that I didn't meet my son until 2 hours after he was born.

I try to work through it as best I can - it is all becoming a bit fresh again as we have been talking about TTC #2... DH is dead keen on me having an elective cs - and I flatly refuse! Should be interesting times!!

Before having a emergency cs at 34 weeks because DD was bum first and my waters broke I was petrified at the thought of having one. When it did happen it happened so fast that I really didn't have time to worry about it. I was lucky I got to have a quick hold and kiss of DD before she was sent to the special care nursery so I felt I had bonded with her.

I did get angry that they wouldn't let me go to the nursery to see for 12 hours but I eventually got my way and they took me in to see her.

I went into pre labour with strong contractions this week and had a choice of having another cs or trying for a VBAC. I chose not to have the cs as I don't want to be stuck at home not being able to drive to the hospital if the bubs was in the scn again or care for DD. They stopped the labour as my cervix was closed instead but it wasn't out of fear that I said no.

I had an c-section for my first and will be having an elective with my second

I was happy first time and will be happy second time (when we get pregnant) why is so much focus put on how the baby got into the world.
Having a great pregnancy no longer seems to count, as long as the baby and mother are well does it matter how it happened?

C-section support to me suggests that we need support how about we just celebrate bringing a new life into the world and give ourselves a break.

I recently saw a pregnant women smoking but as long as she has a so called natural delivery everything is fine?
Raving on now but what annoys me is all the bad rap women seem to give each other when choosing or having one as if it is a failure because we could not or would not do a vaginal birth

I had an emergency c section with DS and now I am pregnant again I am doing what I can for a VBAC but due to the previous size of DS I might be facing a repeat c section for this one. Part of my coming to terms with DS's birth and in preparing for this one I got hold of a copy of the book 'Birthing From Within' (Great read I have to say). The author encourages woman who have had c sections to actually call the 'cesarean births'. Many of her clients have found this helps them to claim their experiences as 'birth' after all we did go through a fair bit to bring our special bubs into this world. Major surgery is not a thing to treat lightly.

I found that by admitting I wasn't happy about my experience and be letting others know that just having a 'healthy baby' wasn't enough for me. My son was fine but for a long time I wasn't. I developed post traumatic stress as a result and had problems with bonding, successful breastfeeding and PND. All the things they don't tell you you are at an increased risk of when you undergo a c section.

Give your self time and refer to your experience as exactly what it was, a birth. It might take a while till it feel comfortable but give it a go. You don't have to feel 'greatfull' for the experience and you don't have to like it either. Talk about it, debrief it it until the cows come home. Someone have no problems in how they relate to a c section, others suffer much before they can claim it, others never do. We are all different in this way. Just don't ever feel you have to like what you went through or feel hapy about it if you don't. Give yourself time to heal emotionally.

I had an elective c section 2 weeks ago and it was the most amazing and beautiful experience. Bub was with me as soon as she had been checked by the Paed and stayed with me the entire time I was stitched up. Skin to skin within 10 minutes and bub made her own way to the boobie which was just amazing. I had a gorgeous midwife who was by our side the entire time and was with bub while the Paed had her. I felt that I was supported by the most amazing group of professionals who took the time to acknowledge the incredibly long and difficult road we had travelled to finally hold our baby in our arms...yes it was quick...but emotionally that's what we needed...I gave birth to my daughter...and I would be totally offended if anyone said I hadn't! My biggest hurdle was that I was convinced I was having a boy lol! Took me a few seconds to process the fact the she is a girl!!!

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I had an emergency c section with DS and now I am pregnant again I am doing what I can for a VBAC but due to the previous size of DS I might be facing a repeat c section for this one. Part of my coming to terms with DS's birth and in preparing for this one I got hold of a copy of the book 'Birthing From Within' (Great read I have to say). The author encourages woman who have had c sections to actually call the 'cesarean births'. Many of her clients have found this helps them to claim their experiences as 'birth' after all we did go through a fair bit to bring our special bubs into this world. Major surgery is not a thing to treat lightly.

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Yay on the pregnancy, on going for a VBAC and for 'Birthing From Within'! I loved this book to and found myself furiously scribbling notes as I read it to remind myself later. That book and Ina May Gaskin's two books changed my whole attitude to childbirth - in a very positive way!

I am sorry you had such a terrible time with your birth Macca79 and I agree wholeheartedly with your advice of time, talk and debrief. Even though I feel pretty good about my c/s birth I still 15months later find myself talking and debriefing about it. Heaven, reading your story was a real Dejavu except for the time you got to have with your DD after the birth. That is the one thing that still really irks me about my experience... so much time until I got to skin-to-skin' with my girl and so many attachment issues which seemed to stem from the c/s implications. ...See, still debriefing :lol:.

It is really great to read all of these different experiences, I am so happy for those of you like Ellie where the experience was such a positive one. Fantastic.

My CC was a real emergency due to major foetal distress. I think part of the reason I feel so let down and sad about having had a cc was the fear and drama involved as we could have very easily delivered a dead baby.

I am in two minds really about how I feel. I know I did all that I could to bring on a natural labour before my induction and I spent probably 16hours of my labour time walking and standing and rocking, trying to progress. My dr let me dictate to a degree how fast he was allowed to intervene with his methods of induction and he allowed me 28hours before the CC. I think he would have allowed me to go much longer had DD not deteriorated so rapidly.

I felt really comfortable with the surgical team as I knew 6 of the 9 attendants in there due to being a small town. I held DD after her 5min apgar test when she got a 9 (only a 6 at birth) but didnt get any skin time till in recovery when we bf. I was ok with that at the time anyhow as I found it so difficult to hold her while lying like that and my arms were so tired that I had to ask DH to take her.

I know that if I hadnt had the CC I would definately not have delivered a live baby. Her cord had perished since the 37week scan and she had hardly grown due to starving. Her heart rate had dropped to barely 60bpm and was getting worse with each contraction. She just wouldnt have had the energy to birth.

I think I mostly feel bad as she took 10years to conceive using IVF and I just wanted to do the birthing for myself, not surgically. I also had trouble bf as she was so tired and small and wouldnt attach so again I felt I couldnt do anything right myself although we did get that working after a few horror weeks. Another thing that really hurt me was having a woman from my antenatal class labouring in the room connected to mine by bathroom. I could hear her for hours on my day 3 which did not help my coming to accept our birth.

I guess I wonder if I will ever be pg again and if I will ever get to try VB? This may have been my only chance and that is perhaps what I grieve most over, not that I had a surgical birth to save my dd life.

I had a CS when DD's heartbeat suddenly dropped to 25 after my waters were broken. I found out later the cord was wrapped around her neck several times. I feel a bit weird about the experience because it was so quick that I had to have a general and DH was kept distracted and out of the the theatre (he didn't even know the operation had begun until he heard the baby cry). So my little miss was a bit independent and came into this world without Mum and Dad which I have never envisioned as a scenario. I didn't get to see her for four hours as I had blood pressure problems and stayed in recovery for ages but DH held her for most of that time and I think that was very beneficial for him.

I don't really have a problem with it all though as I figure a birth story is just that. It isn't pre-written, it's the events that take place during the birth, be they expected or unplanned. I also didn't feel I had a problem bonding when we finally met. Maybe it was the drugs, but when I first saw her, I kept thinking she was me. I looked at her and my mind kept saying "That's baby me".

The night after her birth the midwives put her into bed with me, skin to skin so she could feed when she wanted and I wouldn't have to move around too much and it was the most magical night of my life. I didn't have those lovely moments just after the birth but just thinking about that second night fills me with that joy and connection and I reflect back on that often and think "I have that precious memory to keep all my life. It's different than the one I expected but no less special".

I am often saddened to hear how others are depressed by the experience of a necessary CS and I can only suggest that maybe they can find some other experience close to the birth, like my second night, and try to make that their special moment.

Thanks for your post SammiP,
I really hadnt thought about it that way before reading your post. In fact I read the first bit and was tearing up thinking "how awful" till I read how you felt about it.

Your take on the situation is just wonderful and has inspired me. I had a really tough time in the first few weeks with feeding issues and my feelings about the birth but I'm going to have a good ole think now for the magical moment like you talk about.

Thanks so much :)

Hi Sazz

I would love to hear "your moment" when you get a chance to think about it. Good luck with TTC 2. We are also trying for another.

I have read that when a woman gives birth vaginally, the process of the birth releases hormones and these hormones contribute to the feeling of attachment to the bub

I wonder how much of these hormones are released when labor is interrupt or when there is no labor as in the case of a planned c-section?

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I have read that when a woman gives birth vaginally, the process of the birth releases hormones and these hormones contribute to the feeling of attachment to the bub

I wonder how much of these hormones are released when labor is interrupt or when there is no labor as in the case of a planned c-section?

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I'm curious about this too. I have always loved my DS, but didn't feel overwhelmingly attached to him in the beginning. Bonding properly took a while.

Same with me I think Selina. I loved DD as soon as I saw her and cried when she came out but I still wasn't really attached to her for the first couple of weeks. I don't know if it's the same for everyone but for me I think it was because I just felt so crappy. My experience of her was pretty much just pain, lol. Pain from the labour, pain from the c-section, and we had BF problems so pain from that. I was just sore all over and that stopped me from enjoying her :( I kept on thinking I should be feeling differently.

SJ - I'm glad I'm not alone in feeling that way. It's something that is hard to be honest about. There should really be more talk about it.

was the same with me, I was lucky enough to get ds to take with me to recovery, bf while in there, but there was no "bond".
I pretty much forced myself to attach to him, I was very stubborn with the mws and nurses, lifting him up myself and trying to keep him with me as much as possible, even though i was told that i would suffocate him :wall:
3 days in at around 4 am i looked at my baby and SAW my baby iykwim. cue lots of mummy guilt and tears (how on earth could i doubt my love for this creature???)
Even through all the pain i was in, i tried to do all i could for him myself, otherwise i dont think I would have believed he was mine. the whole experience was surreal enough as it was.

I never once even entertained the thought that i may end up having a cesarean birth (;))
so having one was a huge shock for me, I could have quite easily slipped into depression if not for the wonderful support on here leading me to reach out to others in RL who have had the same thing.
I still feel like not many understand how I feel or why I feel this way, I am now scared that if i get pg again i may have to go thru all that again, its not what i want, but a huge part of me is scared silly about giving birth vaginally now, is that normal?:rolleyes:
so 6 months on I think i am getting better, physically i am healed but emotionally and mentally, well, im not quite there yet.

I've had 6 children, including twins no problems but then #7 was transverse due to the 'extra room' apparently. Before I had a c/s I thought that all that mattered was that the baby was fine and it didnt matter how the baby got here. But I didnt realise the effects it would have psychologically on me. I just felt traumatised and violated and freaked out that I'd been cut into! And it took a long time to recover physically and definitely emotionally. I feel like I should be apologising to all the c/s mums out there for not taking the drama of giving birth via c/s seriously enough.
Of course I look at my beautiful little princess who is without a doubt the best 2 year old in the world (ok bit biased) and I know that her being safely born was the most important thing. BUT Anyone who has to have a caesar for whatever reason has a right to feel freaked out.
I do wonder how much is hormonal though and being in pain post-op and especially if it is a first baby - with all those 'new mum nerves"

I'm due in August and aiming for a VBAC solely because of the 'recovery time' thing with other kids to look after and havent enjoyed this pregnancy much so far because of worrying about how to cope with another c/s.

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I still feel like not many understand how I feel or why I feel this way, I am now scared that if i get pg again i may have to go thru all that again, its not what i want, but a huge part of me is scared silly about giving birth vaginally now, is that normal?

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I feel exactly the same way. I'm definitely having more kids, and I really want to have a natural birth. On one side I'm worried and scared that I won't be able to have a VBAC, but on the other side I'm pretty scared of having a vaginal birth. I think I now doubt my body's ability to give birth, because I never got a proper chance to try before I was rushed to the ER for the emergency c/s.

Sterla, I have not had a c/s, but I still wanted to comment, I hope you don't mind. I think your feelings are very valid and not uncommon.

I had a completely natural waterbirth. So a very different experience. But, I still sometimes felt like DD wasn't really mine. She was NEVER seperated from me, I was the first person to touch her. But I still somehow felt like sooner or later I would have to give her back to her rightful mother. Maybe that was because my mum, who is a very strong woman, was there at the birth and stayed with us for 4 weeks after the birth to help out. While I'm so glad that I had her support (and I've asked her to do the same with #2), maybe I leaned so much on her that somehow, sometimes I felt like my daughter's sister rather than her mum. Don't get me wrong, I loved her from the second she was conceived. It was just the fact that I really was her mum, that took some time to sink in. It is such a hard concept to grasp that you were the one who made such a perfect little "thing".
Oh, and I didn't really "do" anything to birth my daughter either. I let it happen. I feel more like she and my body were just doing what had to be done and I was along for the ride.

Somebody asked about the hormonal ****tail and whether it is released during a c/s just like it is during a natural birth. The simple answer is: NO. Even an induced labour messes with the normal hormonal balance. But, fortunately nature gives us a second chance and those very important hormones (mainly pro-lactin and oxytocin) can be released after birth mainly through skin-to-skin contact and BFing. So in my opinion, if you give birth via c/s, it is very important that you try and spend as much skin-to-skin time in the days and weeks after birth to "catch up" with those hormones you misssed out on (goes for both, baby and mummy). We are also lucky that many off those hormones have been released during pregnancy so the process of bonding has actually started before birth.

Sasa

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Somebody asked about the hormonal ****tail and whether it is released during a c/s just like it is during a natural birth. The simple answer is: NO. Even an induced labour messes with the normal hormonal balance. But, fortunately nature gives us a second chance and those very important hormones (mainly pro-lactin and oxytocin) can be released after birth mainly through skin-to-skin contact and BFing. So in my opinion, if you give birth via c/s, it is very important that you try and spend as much skin-to-skin time in the days and weeks after birth to "catch up" with those hormones you misssed out on (goes for both, baby and mummy). We are also lucky that many off those hormones have been released during pregnancy so the process of bonding has actually started before birth.

Sasa

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I had a feeling it was something along those lines. I know also breast feeding stimulates the hormones as well, so even if you dont get the burst of hormone during labor, you can make up for them with breastfeeding.

Thanks for that sunshine_sieben :)

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Almost 11 months later and I can safely say that I am not over the fact that I ended up with a c/section. I felt disempowered by my doctor, DH (although bless him he was doing his best) and the midwives and I am not sure today whether I will ever "get over it". I hate the fact that my body didn't do what it was supposed to do and I hate the fact that I didn't meet my son until 2 hours after he was born.

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wow, i relate to that Shellbell.

i prepared for a natural home waterbirth, laboured at home for 29hours, ambulance transfer to nearby children's hospital, 6 hours of medical intervention to hurry labour up, then emergency c-section, baby arrived with apgar score of 2, whisked away, no skin on skin for us, dh stopped any formula being given to our baby.

My recovery took months of being like an invalid, so at the very time i needed to be very active in my newborn's life, i was not well enough to do it, and i was on my own with her when dh wasn't at work or sleeping.

i wish i had explored ALL ways of labour, not just natural waterbirth, cos when i had to make huge decisions, with medical people i had never seen before, about concepts i knew very little about, after being in labour for 30 hours already, it was not a good time to be ignorant.

i was glad i got to experience labouring in a waterbirthing pool at home, that was good, proved to myself i can labour without drugs, but when a weird medical phemonena happened to my uterus during labour (bandl's ring), i do realise and comprehend that without the c-section, both me and bilby would have died.

the disconnect for us was pretty intense
at 29 months old, she is very unaffectionate, adn i find it impossible not to blame myself, for the way she entered the world, and our delayed meeting. Bf-ing did happen, but it took four months to establish, i also blame that on the delayed meeting.

i cannot use the b word, i refer to her "arrival" instead.

i don't feel this way about other mums and their c-sections, it's just a personal thing for our situation.

the long recovery also meant i could not use slings/baby carriers, another thing i really wanted to do, another way of connecting with her that we didn't get to do.

my child took a very long time to learn how to smile - again i relate that to the amount of pain i was in after the c-section, i doubt my baby saw enough smiling around her in those first few months.

I think a c-section COULD be much more empowering IF
- you had read up about it
= made some choices yourself
- at least met someone who was going to be in the operating room with you
- could have the skin to skin after it
- got physical support after it, so all you had to do was look after your baby (e.g housework, meals, food shopping).

if i had another child, i would aim for a waterbirth at home again, but would ALSO school up on the other alternatives. Anything can happen when you go into labour.

i had virtually ALL the things i was against
- two epidurals
- fetal monitoring
- labouring on my back, hooked up to machines, numb
- being in an operating room with lots of strangers adn bright lights in my eyes
- forceps

the vermix was cleaned off my baby IMMEDIATELY, when i wanted it left for three days.

hospital staff were SO KEEN to give my baby formula - all those "breastfeeding friendly hospital" posters are just for show i think. I had to fight to make sure her first drink was my milk. (whilst recovering from 37 hours of labour and major surgery).

i don't know if i can get over this. no-one really wants to hear it (except places like this thread), so i just keep quiet about it in real life.

"but you have a lovely child now"

not many people "get" or "acknowledge" the grieving of it.

the bottle of champagne, that we had in the fridge, for dh and the midwives to drink, once baby had arrived (in our lounge), has never been opened.

Oh Gigi, you've made me cry!

I know how you feel to a degree... it's the very reason I started this thread, cause I needed to know I wasn't alone in feeling like I do. You circumstances sound much more severe than anything I had, and I'm so sorry you had to go through all that :hug:.
You are so right... not many people do 'get' the grief of not being able to birth your baby naturally. I feel as though I've had this precious experience and the first few hours of my baby's life taken away from me. I never expected to feel grief (that's a great way to describe it).
Like you, I never expected to have a c/s. In all the pregnancy and labour books I read, I always skipped right over the c/s parts because I just didn't believe it would happen to me.

I'm aiming for a VBAC for my next bub... but I'm aware it may not happen. I'm going to be doing a lot of reading and research, as well as making as sure as I can that if I do end up with another c/s that I get to hold my baby straight away - not 2 bleeping hours later!

Thank you so much for sharing Gigi.

Wow, firstly I would like to say how terrific you all are as - WOMEN!!

I completely understand where all of are coming from.

I have had two c-sections. My first for Placenta previa, I guess I felt 'robbed' of my oppurtunity to give birth naturally. Especially as I was so 'into' my pregnancy and writing a birth plan etc, etc. I didn't get to hold or meet bubs until 1.5 hours after the birth. I didn't even know what she looked like as I was crying when they showed me to her. I HATED the second day, being stuck with cords and lines going in and out. I demanded to be let free but the mw took hours. They wheeled her into my room without removing everything so when she cried I couldn't get to her!! It would take them 15 minutes or more to respond to the buzzer. I felt like it was holding me back from being a good mum. To top it off this horrible mw scolded me for her dirty nappy. I couldn't get out of bed to change it because of all the paraphenalia attached to me! Ugh!

Birth to me was a womanly mystery that I so wanted to experience. I guess it wasn't to be.... I was able to breastfeed though and that really helped me through. I always thought that the next time would be different.

My second, I was all motivated to go natural - even got up to 8cm on my epi-no. My ob was a little concerned about my scar rupturing (I thought I was smart by going private this time). I rang him in tears one night as I was frightened about it. He told me the 'safest thing for you to do is to have another ceasarean' He booked me in the very next day. DS wouldn't breastfeed - but I made him! LOL No way was he getting out of that arrangement!

I always regret not going for my VBAC. If you have the chance do it! Better to try than live in regret.

I am planning to have our third in a couple of years. THIS time I WILL do it :D
I will hire private midwife, I will find a vbac friendly ob and hospital. I will do it!!

What really gets my goat is when people drop comments like 'too posh to push'. Ceasers are the 'easy' way out. And say things to me like "Having a natural birth isn't all it's cracked up to be you know!"

Thanks for healing thread!

I just wanted to hold them for the first time when their arms were reaching out for their mummy. I wanted to see them open their eyes for the first time. I wanted to feel their skin on mine when they were born. All the pain in the world would be worth it to have those memories....

On a lighter note, I found Breastfeeding in the bath really helped with connecting and bonding. Something about the warm water, the skin on skin.

Sorry for the rambling and the looooong post!

It's wonderful to tell people who understand :)

With my first pregnancy being a twin one, I knew there was a high chance I would end up having a c/s. I went into labour at 34w5d. When I got to Melbourne (was air lifted), the Dr did an u/s, and could see where the 1st baby was, but the 2nd baby was hiding. He said he wanted to do a c/s because they were in the one sac, and he was worried they would get tangled up. I agreed, because I knew he was thinking of my babies' health.

As it turned out, the 2 umbilical cords were tied in a true knot, and if I had of had a VB, all 3 of us would have died.

This time, I am aiming for a VBAC.

Ah the feeling...

At 37 weeks when I had a routine us ordered by my ob, I discovered my bub had turned head up...To my disbelief, I asked the radiographer to retest again and again just to make sure that bulge that I had been experiencing at the top of my belly was actually my DD head!

As my Ob was on hols the next week I returned for a check up and was told I was booked in for the Thursday...That day was Tuesday, Wednesday was Anzac day...I was scard stiff...I didnt listen to that part of the classes very well nor did they go in to too much detail...

I found a great book chapter online all about CS which outlined exactly what happened and how... I was well prepared in the short notice.

I had a great team when i had my Cs and recovered quickly...but the tube ordeal afterwards was rediculous my mum has these lovely pics of bub after birth with me near the bed with a catheda haning out oh how charming that will be to look back on...

The part that sucked was not having her be in with me in the beginning which made it so much more surreal...we had trouble latching on but successfully bf into toddlerhood!

Whilst Natural was not an option for me I have a healthy bub and as she was breech she also had hip displaysia...something i believe was picked up at birth cos the doctors were ready.

Im not too frtustrated about not going down the vb path and have no idea what will happen for future bubs to be...who can predict what the babys inside want to do!