Brian Blessed: Absolute Pandemonium.

Everyone read it. I laughed so hard. And wept too, but laughed so much more. Brian is a legend. Stormageddon was nearly called Brian, til we thought about his initials.

If you doubt me, just read these excerpts from the back page.

The fans began grabbing for my shirt - which was torn off after a couple of seconds - and then it was my shorts, followed by my socks. After about a minute flat, I was lying on the football pitch stark bollock naked with what felt like twenty elephants on me.

***

Dino De Laurentiis greeted me warmly, like a long-lost son. 'Who the hell are you and wada-you want-a?'

'This is Brian Blessed, Dino,' said Mike pleadingly. 'The chap I told you about. I want him to play Prince Vultan.'

I'm not altogether sure what Dino said next. 'Bluuuuuuurgh,' or something.

***

In the end, my mother and our local doctor had to sit me down and try and persuade me that I couldn't fly and that I was actually nothing more than a simple mortal. I took no notice, of course.