Question for those with food restrictions

[Astrid]

Ok, one of the punching bag threads has prompted me to ask what I have been thinking of for a while.

Are people food restrictions ever happy with the effort that their not so food restricted counterparts put in when catering for them. I ask this as we have one person in our group of friends who no matter what we do, she is just never happy and openly complains. She claims to be a vegetarian, but eats chicken and fish, so I am not sure what the term for that is. Anyway that makes catering for her actually not too bad, but in her eyes we never get it right.

example 1: We are very well known for our BBQ's, we put on a lot of good quality food. We do cater for vegetarians (even though DH does joke that he wont). There is one vegetarian friend who is always happy with what we put on. Anyway we do make an effort for this friend, when we knew all the meat was going to be red, we went out and bought her some chicken and told everyone that it was hers. Made seperate batches of some dishes, so some were with meat, some without etc. Our dip, nibbles platter is always 90% vegie friendly and always huge! Well she complained that the chicken was too big and did we expect her to eat it all? We thought better too much than not enough.

example 2: Maggie's 2nd birthday. Admittedly the focus was more on kiddie food, but I did change the menu and bought extra food to cater for the fact she was coming. I pointed out to her the items that were ok for her(which was most) and that not too worry, more food was coming the moment it was out of the oven. To which she commented "Oh, I am used to you not catering for me!"

There are many, many more examples. So is this attitude typical? It is getting to the point where we are going to refuse to specifically cater for her if she complains again and it also means we are very reluctant to go to the effort for others. It really makes us wonder if anyone is ever happy about the fact that someone has put in the effort to take into account their needs and that any effort we put in is never going to be good enough.

On a personal note I can't stand onion and I am always grateful when people remember that and limit the onion in a dish. I never ask for all onion to be removed, just please don't put heaps of onion in every dish. I take the same attitude when catering for others.

[Pandora]

As an ex-vegan and vegetarian, I get really mad when people claim to be "vegetarian" but eat chicken, or fish. Its fine to eat those things, but she's not a vegetarian, and it does make life harder for those who are (like at a restuarant where you say you are veg, and they say of but you eat fish right?)
It's be the same as someone claiming to be vegan but saying they eat eggs and honey.

Anyway back to the question of being catered for, it sounds like that friend is either rude an ungrateful, or has a really bad sense of humour and tact.

I think your examples are great, I wish my family had gone to even that much effort for things that I could eat. I always found DH's family were a lot more accomodating than my own. My family (extended) would under no circumstances cateer for me, if I wanted to eat I had to bring my own food - even to one wedding!

[krysalyss]

I agree Rayray. She isnt a vegetarian. (Rayray - every time I get pizza I have to specify that pepperoni isnt a vegetable!)
And I cant believe she would whinge. No matter what her food restriction she should be grateful that you are thinking of her.
No it isn't normal. She is really rude.

[Rouge]

I have a friend who finds it uncomfortable when I cater for him as he's not used to the effort and doesn't like me being put out, but I do it anyway as I have to cater for others so for me its really not all that difficult.

It would annoy me if someone were that rude, I would possibly tell her to cater for herself if she were that ungrateful.

I like to serve people food that they would typically choose to eat rather than just eating what's in front of me because its there, so I do tend to go to more effort. But as I said it doesn't really bother me.

[Astrid]

Thanks guys, nice to know it is probably just here. We have no problem putting in the effort and in fact enjoy doing it, but when that effort is criticised it is a kick in the guts. Not fussed if it is not acknowledged, just don't whinge about it.

Next time she can just deal with what ever we serve up and if she does not eat something she can pick it out.

[~Jo~]

Wow Astrid it seems really rude to me. Our family are vegetarians..ie no chicken or fish either lol. I would feel flattered if people went out of their way like you are because honestly I always feel that I should be providing alternatives (and do) rather than put that expectation on anyone else. You are doing a fantastic job at catering for people and maybe your friend needs to be a bit more appreciative of your efforts!!!

Jo

[Bathsheba]

That does seem rude and ungrateful Astrid. I must be one of those annoying people who don't eat mammals then . I eat chicken and fish but not red meat because I don't eat what i couldn't kill. I have fished and i have plucked many chickens after witnessing their beheading. I was forced to witness a sheep having her neck slit as a child and i think this has lead to my non mammal eating preference.

I however am always very grateful for any extra effort anyone makes to accomodate my preferences. I have had to cater for meat eaters who have been fussier than me and ungrateful so i don't think it is necessarily a meat/non meat eating situation. Many of my meat eating friends don't like many foods that i consider pretty tame: lettuce springs to mind... i mean what is with that?

Anyhow, i don't mind accomodating but by the same token i don't like to be accommodated for and have it impressed upon me how "inconvenient" i am I mean I basically eat anything except mammals. I also always bring my own chicken to BBQs. Foods that I eat that most people don't include: blue cheese, sashimi, wasabi, okra, turnips, swedes, SNAILS the list goes on...

[Pandora]

Bath, no that's not annoying, because you don't say you're vegetarian, you say you don't eat mammals. Nothing wrong with that

[Roryrory]

Astrid she just sounds like an ungrateful PITA, someone who likes to go around saying "look at moi, I am special, I don't eat red meat, lalala". I have heaps of great friends with strict diets, preferences, and strong dislikes and none of them make a song and dance about it and appreciate it when I remember their needs.

Bath that is awful that you feel inconvenient Your non-red meat diet is welcome in my house

[Bathsheba]

To be honest, to make it easy for some catering situations I just say I am vegetarian. eg: at a restuarant with a group of people, half who eat meat, the other half are vego. (I have to choose which banquet I am going to order) I will just say i am vego to fit in rather than create a third catagory... i dunno, is that annoying? On a plane I say i am vego too... just to make it EASY for people.

ETA: Ta Rory likewise matey.

[Pandora]

it depends.

I onlt get annoyed when people eating say "I'm vegetarian but I eat chicken and fish" I have heard this verbatim when dining out. Its one thing to order a vego meal dining out, but this is different. I hope it makes sense..my brain hurts..

[Rouge]

Not annoying at all. Its like I have a friend who says she's allergic to seafood, rather than she doesn't like it because otherwise people don't listen to her for some reason. Sometimes its easier in a dining situation to say "I'm vegetarian" that "I don't eat red meat or pork or etc etc etc"

[Bathsheba]

BTW I still think Astrid has a valid complaint: if you have a food restriction you have to accept that it will inconvenience people and be grateful when your needs are met, don't take the caterer/friend for granted and don't make a big deal about it. I have been served countless salads with bits of bacon in it. I generally say nothing, just discreetly leave them on the side of my plate if it has been served to me.

[Astrid]

I can be a fussy b!tch at times with food, so when I cater I try to provide a variety of foods, so that there is something for everyone. So for me that means not putting one ingredient in every dish eg garlic, chilli, onion, meat etc After experiencing the "great onion feast" where just about ever dish except for the dessert had mounds of onion, it left me ill and hungry, I could never do that to anyone else.

We do have one meat eating friend who moans and groans if the meat is not still mooing, which I can't stand. So in the end we no longer cook roasts for him, but some other meat dish that has to be fully cooked (eg Silverside). That way he cannot complain

I suppose at the end of the day we cannot expect to be able to eat every piece of food at a BBQ, party, dinner party etc Argh the dilemma of trying to keep everyone happy.