13 Yr old Niece being secretly VIDEO TAPED.

[Peg]

it doesnt seem right.

I think whats worse is that the girlfriend posted that comment on facebook! What a tragic thing to read about yourself. Teenagers want nothing more then to be accepted...imagine how damaging that comment must be for her self esteem. Thats a form of emotional abuse right there...and bullying.

Why is your neice not liviing with her birth mother? I certainly wouldnt want her in a place where she is not wanted.

[LiddlePixie]

Why is your neice not liviing with her birth mother? I certainly wouldnt want her in a place where she is not wanted.

Unfortunately her home life with her mother was just as disturbing, in a different way - She went on to have other children with different partner's.. Boyfriend's in and out all the time ect ~ She just up and decided she didn't want the girls anymore so gave my brother the choice of take them or DOCs will, My brother couldn't handle the financial (and obviously other) responsibity, So initially i took them in while he sorted himself out (made room, sorted finances out ect) - Like i said their lives have been all over the place, I can't say it was the easiest time of my life, I was 22 and had just had my own daughter but i so wish i'd have kept them with me - We remodelled the house so they'd have uber cool bedrooms, they settled in school, made friends, life was 110% better for them IMO.

I should also add that she is not an angel, she slams doors, throws tantrums & is a typical teenage drama queen but she is far from a teenage rebel - No drugs, drinking, boys, tattoo's ect.

[Kazbah]

geeze, I think that's a bit rough. Ummm out of curiousity, what would they have done if she *hadn't* cleaned up after making playdough?

And what does your mum say about all this, does she think it's OK as well? Maybe you can both present a united front to your brother, but be very careful. What are his concerns that he feels the need to videotape her? As it may be better to address those concerns rather than attack the whole privacy issue.

[e_p]

I hope you aren't offended when I say this...but when I read that all I could think was 'what the F$#&K are they THINKING!?!!?'. I'd almost go as far as saying that is emotional abuse...you poor niece...do they WANT her to go off the rails? I dont know what to suggest but I just feel so sad for your niece and really hope your brother and his girlfriend wake up to themselves and actually think about the consequences of what they are doing.

[CrazyLady]

was she grounded because she cleaned up after herself? Sorry, that is amusing.

I agree with Kelebek and support your niece. I have had baaaaaaaaaaaad experiences with cans of worms

[Pandora]

thats just really bizarre.
Is it even legal?

[mummato1]

OMG the poor thing! I am sorry but all that is sooo wrong on so many levels..

I think all you can do is be there for her, she needs to know that you are always there for her and that she does have a safe place to go for when the s*&t does hit the fan.

So I wonder how they told her they knew about the play-doh... thats just weird

[Winter]

I've got really bad goose bumps & baaaaaadddddd vibes from reading that. I'm not happy with that situation at all. I think you need to do something about it, like DOCS or something because secretly filming young girls is ringing great big alarm bells in my head.

thank goodness you're looking out for these girls

[Fleur]

eek sounds like a horrible situation...
I don't get the whole grounded for making playdough thing? Is it because she didn't tell them? cause that sounds like a big fat control issue, along with video taping
I've just been through a horrid 18 months with my teenage DD... I can only wish making playdough was an issue here

The first thing that some to mind is do you have any contact with your neice? Can you have a chat to her & see how she is doing. And I am wondering is it's possible for her to stay with you for a bit? Tell me if I'm out of line there I know it may not be that easy; it just sounds like things aren't real nice there for her.

Hugs to you it must be hard to see this happening.

[LiddlePixie]

I wrote a huge post as to why my mum can't help which got eaten but the short of it is, after the facebook fiasco the girlfriend barred my mum, along with anyone else (including her own family and friends) who read the comment and said something about it from seeing the (her, other 3) children, Mum has only just been allowed to see them again, To babysitt.. & of course to give them easter gifts, With us all grown up the grandchildren mean the world to mum so whilst she also thinks it's horrible she's stuck either way.

I still have some contact with her, even though she's technically not meant to see me as she walks to and from school past my house every day and she's still allowed to go to my sister's house (for as long as my sister can keep quiet - which probably wont be as long as me in the end) The problem is by seeing me it's actually making her have to lie and i hate to think what will happen if she's caught on that one.. So it's difficult.

I don't get the whole grounded for making playdough thing? Is it because she didn't tell them?

As far as i can figure it's because she was asked what she'd done that day & never mentioned making it so therefore was punished for omitting it? I don't understand it either - The again, I don't understand the whole hidden video in the first place..

secretly filming young girls is ringing great big alarm bells in my head.

I felt the same but now i really do think it's a control thing, a really awful, strange, bizzare and horrible thing, but not that sort of (perverted - for lack of a better word) thing IYKWIM.

I really am interested to know if it's legal if anyone can shed some light?..
I'm guessing it is as she's *their* child in *their* home?

[Pandora]

Yeh i reckon id go DOCS before the birth mother.

[AnyDream]

LP Gosh this is a tricky one...everything about it screams WRONG! There sounds like there's a real "you vs us" dynamic going on which is a really hostile and unnurturing place for someone of that age. My DD is nearly 12 and yeah we have our dramatic moments (fully understand with the slamming doors etc, sounds pretty normal to me) so I'm pretty perplexed as to why the toys and eating would warrant such a level of scrutiny. Are there any concerns re eating disorders that they are trying to catch her out on, or is a just a general distrust of how she's spending her time and whether she's telling the truth? Really, if they're that uncomfortable leaving her at home by herself after school, then perhaps they should make another arrangement so she has some company and/or supervision. That is IMO a much better solution than video monitoring!!!

I really don't know what advice to give...perhaps start by discussing it with your bro and mum...try to use non-confronting language but say how horrified you yourself would have been, then maybe suggest some creative alternatives, in terms of managing her time after school (ie can some other family members or friends share that role, or maybe some of her friends have a parent at home in the afternoon).

[~clover~]

OMG...maybe you should offer for her to live with you again? (If thats an option of course)
There is no way I'd ever, ever consider doing this to my children!
The poor child should not have to live like that & it makes me so sad to think that she is

[Cherished]

Holly Molly that is just horrible and insanely CREEPY! I wouldn't dare film a 13 year child, apart from the obvious 'wrongs' of the whole thing I dont' even what to think about what I could catch them doing when a member of the opposite sex drops by the parents could capture more than they bargained for and end up on petaphilia charges. I don't want to sound sinister and or even presume that your neice would be up to that sort of thing at 13 years of age (I wasn't) but heck times have changed and teenagers aren't as shy as they used to be! I would speak to her mother.