13 Yr old Niece being secretly VIDEO TAPED.

[e_p]

I hope you aren't offended when I say this...but when I read that all I could think was 'what the F$#&K are they THINKING!?!!?'. I'd almost go as far as saying that is emotional abuse...you poor niece...do they WANT her to go off the rails? I dont know what to suggest but I just feel so sad for your niece and really hope your brother and his girlfriend wake up to themselves and actually think about the consequences of what they are doing.

[CrazyLady]

was she grounded because she cleaned up after herself? Sorry, that is amusing.

I agree with Kelebek and support your niece. I have had baaaaaaaaaaaad experiences with cans of worms

[Pandora]

thats just really bizarre.
Is it even legal?

[mummato1]

OMG the poor thing! I am sorry but all that is sooo wrong on so many levels..

I think all you can do is be there for her, she needs to know that you are always there for her and that she does have a safe place to go for when the s*&t does hit the fan.

So I wonder how they told her they knew about the play-doh... thats just weird

[Winter]

I've got really bad goose bumps & baaaaaadddddd vibes from reading that. I'm not happy with that situation at all. I think you need to do something about it, like DOCS or something because secretly filming young girls is ringing great big alarm bells in my head.

thank goodness you're looking out for these girls

[Fleur]

eek sounds like a horrible situation...
I don't get the whole grounded for making playdough thing? Is it because she didn't tell them? cause that sounds like a big fat control issue, along with video taping
I've just been through a horrid 18 months with my teenage DD... I can only wish making playdough was an issue here

The first thing that some to mind is do you have any contact with your neice? Can you have a chat to her & see how she is doing. And I am wondering is it's possible for her to stay with you for a bit? Tell me if I'm out of line there I know it may not be that easy; it just sounds like things aren't real nice there for her.

Hugs to you it must be hard to see this happening.

[LiddlePixie]

I wrote a huge post as to why my mum can't help which got eaten but the short of it is, after the facebook fiasco the girlfriend barred my mum, along with anyone else (including her own family and friends) who read the comment and said something about it from seeing the (her, other 3) children, Mum has only just been allowed to see them again, To babysitt.. & of course to give them easter gifts, With us all grown up the grandchildren mean the world to mum so whilst she also thinks it's horrible she's stuck either way.

I still have some contact with her, even though she's technically not meant to see me as she walks to and from school past my house every day and she's still allowed to go to my sister's house (for as long as my sister can keep quiet - which probably wont be as long as me in the end) The problem is by seeing me it's actually making her have to lie and i hate to think what will happen if she's caught on that one.. So it's difficult.

I don't get the whole grounded for making playdough thing? Is it because she didn't tell them?

As far as i can figure it's because she was asked what she'd done that day & never mentioned making it so therefore was punished for omitting it? I don't understand it either - The again, I don't understand the whole hidden video in the first place..

secretly filming young girls is ringing great big alarm bells in my head.

I felt the same but now i really do think it's a control thing, a really awful, strange, bizzare and horrible thing, but not that sort of (perverted - for lack of a better word) thing IYKWIM.

I really am interested to know if it's legal if anyone can shed some light?..
I'm guessing it is as she's *their* child in *their* home?

[Nicambhar]

How odd is that...... regarding it being legal, unless you had a snapshot of the fb post they can just say it's surveilance/security, so I just don't know how that would go.

Sounds like something my kids stepmother would do. My kids are pretty sure they are being taped when they are talking to me on the phone. Their stepmum goes through all of their things including their phones and computers and I know they don't feel so good about that at all, so I could only imagine how they would feel if they found out they were being taped.

I'd probably call doc's like the other posters have suggested considering the past events.

Good luck, I can't imagine how much stress this is causing you.

[LiddlePixie]

I wish i could have her back to live with me but i really don't think it's possible where they're concerned, I know as soon as she's 16 she'll most definately decide to live with me but until then it's not her decision.

MD! Xo ~ Long time!

I believe they see her as "the bad influence" on the younger kids, She (and her sister) are treated so differently it hurts to watch, There are no eating disorder concerns - it's a rule that she isn't to eat after school until she's done her homework ~ Something else i think it's extreme and ridiculous because "homework" is sometimes entire assignments but have kept hushed about to keep the peace.

I want to thank everyone for your advice and opinions, It really has helped..

although i still really don't know what to do, It's so difficult - I don't want to make things even worse for her & more of a mess even though every single part of me is screaming "Tell someone, do something, help!.. Now."

[Kazbah]

DOCs won't tell them who reported it.
And the first thing they do (in VIC at least) is talk to the kid(s) in a safe place, like at school. Then they'll interview the parents. Then they'll make a decision and follow it up.

[LiddlePixie]

Yes, I think in will phone DOCs and just see what they say ~ Does anyone know if DOCs will keep me anonymous? I'm also worried about her actually finding out she's being taped as i think that will be worse, Atleast while she's oblivious to it she wont feel untrustworthy - on the other hand i want to tell her so she doesn't do anything that could get her in trouble.. I can only imagine if she by chance DID do something worse then making playdough or sneaking a snack.

[Pandora]

Yeh i reckon id go DOCS before the birth mother.

[AnyDream]

LP Gosh this is a tricky one...everything about it screams WRONG! There sounds like there's a real "you vs us" dynamic going on which is a really hostile and unnurturing place for someone of that age. My DD is nearly 12 and yeah we have our dramatic moments (fully understand with the slamming doors etc, sounds pretty normal to me) so I'm pretty perplexed as to why the toys and eating would warrant such a level of scrutiny. Are there any concerns re eating disorders that they are trying to catch her out on, or is a just a general distrust of how she's spending her time and whether she's telling the truth? Really, if they're that uncomfortable leaving her at home by herself after school, then perhaps they should make another arrangement so she has some company and/or supervision. That is IMO a much better solution than video monitoring!!!

I really don't know what advice to give...perhaps start by discussing it with your bro and mum...try to use non-confronting language but say how horrified you yourself would have been, then maybe suggest some creative alternatives, in terms of managing her time after school (ie can some other family members or friends share that role, or maybe some of her friends have a parent at home in the afternoon).