Ok, so just going off this post, I think that maybe your liddle miss has got into a cycle of behaviour where she goes for the negative attention kwim?
I notice with my lot, across their ages, is if they feel they aren't getting enough attention, they go for the negative because they know (or feel) they are going to get it. You can't ignore a child teetering off the couch can you? It's a look at meee mum, look at meeeeeee!
I'm certainly not saying you don't give her enough because a) it's hard with 3 kids on your own b) some kids just neeeeeed more to fill them up and c) it can be hard to distribute you attention evenly - I mean if one is sick or TT'ing that takes up a little more from the rest.
So Miss 7 is the oldest? Can you put her 'in charge' of one or two things? Remind her she is the oldest and therefore gets to stay up 20 min later than the others etc? Compliment the hell out of her (over and above what you usually do) till she settles down just a bit.
Have mum and me time - to the exclusion of the other two (when in bed maybe?) Maybe share a hot choc and a girly goss? Help her find her place in the family as the oldest (the very first baby) and tell her stories of what a wonderful baby she was and how much you love her - really lay it on until she feels a little more secure.
For tonight. I'd leave her in her room (maybe chuck in a sandwich ) and too bad, so sad. She has been disobedient and you need to save your sanity a little. And the other 2 are watching...
I just wanted to add...the next time she climbs on that bed and presses against the screen you need to remove the bed from the room. If she climbs on something else, remove that too! It's very dangerous. If she ends up with an empty bedroom, so be it.
If you threaten anything, go through with it or she will never take you seriously.
Give her lots of attention, kisses, cuddles and praise when she is being good.
Any chance at all of some one on one time? Anyone that could watch the other two kids even for an hour? Maybe let her stay up late occasionally, after the others have gone to bed and watch a movie with her.
I agree with Marlene, if she ends up with an empty room, so be it. I know someone who did this with their DD (a bit older) & it did work wonders. In this case though it's a safety issue more than anything.
I think in the case of attention seeking behaviour the idea is to not react to that behaviour - so that means if she is doing something dangerous, don't have a discussion about it, just make sure she can't do it. You can talk it over later when things are calmer.
I do a LOT of talking - later - when everyone has settled down a bit.
Trying to get her to understand consequences when she is upset & in the middle of those consequences doesn't always work...wait until later (or in the morning if need be) give her a hug & have a chat then.
One on one time is good because even if it doesn't make any difference to her behaviour (and it very well might) at the very least it lets her know you love her, and gives you both something nice between the two of you instead of just yuck & stress.
Maybe it's an age thing. DS2 is seven, and he's driving us all nuts atm (although in his case, I put it down to a new baby).
So, I sympathise. I think you're doing great, it's not easy, just remember - it's not forever
Your so right Trillion. Its so hard. It's hard on both the girls. Jesse just demands so much of my time, coz he's such an attatched baby. He spent the first 8 months of his life with noone but me, so is very very attatched to me. Makes things so hard & I can really see how hard it must be on the girls to see that. And DD1 is the only one at school, so the others get to stay home etc.
Its really really hard to find that time for her. I had to start sending her to bed at 8, coz she was just too tired if she went at 8.30. DD2 usually goes to bed around the same time these days. DS on the other hand will often still be fighting me after 10 pm! Then will wake between 7.30 & 8, the same as the girls. But maybe her going to bed a little later than DD2 will help.
The girls are so competitive, I usually do everything exactly the same for them. I don't have much choice. They are both so jelouse of eachother. If DD2 get something while DD1 is at school, she know's if she tells DD1 she gets upset & DD1 does similar.
Kids! We had a bad day. I'm probably more sensitive coz AF turned up today, I'm a bit stressed about all the flooding, coz mum & dad were sposed to take me to town so I could buy food, but they are flooded in & I only got enough to get us through tomorrow, maybe monday if I really push it. & its hard with noone at all to help out & give you a break.
So I don't think my sensitivity would've helped matters
Aah...I'll have a big talk to her tomorrow while doing yet another egg removal & we'll see how we go.
ETA - I have noone to take the others at the moment. Mum & dad are just that little bit too far away, & mum works 6 - 7 days a week. All my friends here have their own babies & Jesse wouldn't dare let me leave him with one of them for 5 minutes!
I'm going to see how we go. If she does get up on the bed like that again it might have to come out. I was going to do that last year when she kept pulling the top mattress off her bed, putting it up against the wall & window & jumping from her chest of drawers onto it! I left her sleeping on the base of her ensemble for weeks coz I was scared of her or one of the others going through the window!
Last edited by ~clover~; November 7th, 2009 at 09:08 PM.
hun its not easy, and your doing a great job.
its a tough age aswell, she is prob trying to find out who "she" is in society and also at home.
being the oldest is sometimes hardest, they say the middle child has it worse, but from my experience its the eldest, as so much is expected of them, to always be the one to set the right example or to be mature and help out.
i find DS who is 9, responds really well to one on one time, its hard to do but when he gets even 20 min a week he is more receptive to us, i know i have it easier because i have hubby here, but maybe thats what she is missing as well all the kids at school talk about daddy, so maybe a phone call when the others are quiet where they can have a chat and talk about daddy daughter things, i know his job makes it hard for him aswel and him being so far away is a strain on everyone no doubt.
but remember your doing a great job.
we also find if we follow through with our threats DS soon learns we arent just saying it and he changes his attitude. like the other week he was lying and being rude and arguing over everything and not listening so he didnt go camping, now we only have to say keep it up boy and you will miss out again, he sulks for 10 min then comes out an dis fine.
he has had x box, ds, tv, computer, toys taken off him and then he has to earn them back with good behaviour and love and affection ( he isnt a very affectionate person usually )
remember she is picking up on your stress aswell.
DS TTing is hard aswell as you need to be there more for him.
maybe set the younger 2 up with a movie and take DD1 outside for a bit of girly time or some craft stuff, maybe she can help with your buisness your starting?
set up stations, colouring, bubbles in a bnucket in the kitchen, and sonething else they like, then go and te;ll then 20 min at each one, help them all one on one so they all get the special mummy time, and will help to start teaching ds mummy has to leave him for a bit for his sisters
I'm just letting them go in the family room atm. I'll clean around them & worry about that later! Since they are getting along & there is no fighting right this second!
that takes up a little more from the rest.
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