DSD Potentially Moving Out To Friend's And Friend's Parents House - Could This Work?

[~Serenity~]

I agree with lulu especially being abit like that myself though not going out drinking but did get kicked out alot and it will be character building

[feeb]

I say worth a try, but I aggree with lulu in fact that she can pay own board!!

Good luck

[Mum2Romone]

With her behaviour I wouldn't be encouraging her to live anywhere else. It sounds like she's screaming for attention and wants a parent

[LimeSlice]

With her behaviour I wouldn't be encouraging her to live anywhere else. It sounds like she's screaming for attention and wants a parent

Couldn't have said it better myself.

[KimB]

Some kids will only learn the hard way. Talk to the other mum and she what she decides. If she agrees to take her on then let her set the ground rules. Also let DSD accept full responsibility for paying her own board. Maybe a swift kick is the only way DSD will appreciate what she had. My DD is acting the same but she has told us that at 16 she is legally able to leave home and so she is Wish these kids would learn to appreciate what they have and not what they think they should have

[fionas]

With her behaviour I wouldn't be encouraging her to live anywhere else. It sounds like she's screaming for attention and wants a parent

I'm sure that's what it sounds like. But if her way of screaming for attention is to disrupt the family when I'm basically disabled and sick on top of that as well as being pregnant, staying out every weekend and stealing her friend's stuff, when we also have a high maintenance toddler and a baby on the way as well as just having finished buying/selling a house and now in the middle of moving ... there's no way we can give her that attention right now. It would be a different story if my health was good and we had no other 'big' things going on. We can't revolve the entire family around her needs when she is continually disrupting it rather than supporting it. We have offered family counselling, she doesn't want to go. We have told her that if she needs more one-on-one time with her dad, she only needs to say so. DP took a day off work so that he could take her and her mates out for her birthday. Her response was to wag school for the entire day (after swearing black and blue just 48 hours previously that she would not miss any more classes hereon in) and not turn up for dinner with her dad. So he lost an entire day's wages for nothing. If she wants attention, she needs to learn to ask for it in a mature way not in a toddler's way. We already have one of those. We have to think of the needs of ALL the family; not just hers unfortunately.

[Miss H]

You might not like my response but I think another women shouldn't be made responsible for your daughter. I'm sure she won't want to police her all the time and will eventually cause problems. It sounds like you could use some help. Maybe go see someone about her behaviour without her if she won't come with. In a few years time when she is all grown up and past this stage, the thing she will remember the most is when she was really in need of guidance and support, her parents threw her away for the other children. That's what I would think. I hope you can come to a solution which sits well for all of you. Having teenagers can be the most difficult thing you do in your life. I had a difficult few years when I was a teenager but my parents never let me leave and I thank them for that. They were always there for me no matter what I got up to and I eventually grew out of it and now have a wonderful relationship with my mother. I understand she is your step daughter so you might not have that connection with her and you will definately have it with your kids.

[fionas]

You might not like my response but I think another women shouldn't be made responsible for your daughter. I'm sure she won't want to police her all the time and will eventually cause problems. It sounds like you could use some help. Maybe go see someone about her behaviour without her if she won't come with. In a few years time when she is all grown up and past this stage, the thing she will remember the most is when she was really in need of guidance and support, her parents threw her away for the other children. That's what I would think. I hope you can come to a solution which sits well for all of you. Having teenagers can be the most difficult thing you do in your life. I had a difficult few years when I was a teenager but my parents never let me leave and I thank them for that. They were always there for me no matter what I got up to and I eventually grew out of it and now have a wonderful relationship with my mother. I understand she is your step daughter so you might not have that connection with her and you will definately have it with your kids.

We HAVE been to a counsellor who says there are a few options. Have her living with us with MUTUALLY AGREED boundaries. We've done this. We sit down and work out what's reasonable with her. She agrees to the boundary, then breaks it days later. Option 2 is that she lives with us with no boundaries. That's not going to work either because she simply doesn't want to come to Woodend, boundaries or not. Third option is that we throw her out. Not prepared to do that. Fourth option is that she lives somewhere we know she's safe. That's what we're considering. We are NOT forcing the friend's mother to have her - she is weighing it up herself. They get along.

[PumpkinZulu]

I agree with what you're doing hun, I think it's your last option right now. LOved your post about how you can't revolve the family around her, and that if there weren't a billion other things going on right now you would be more capable to deal with her

I reckon as long as there are set rules at this woman's house (which you said you will be making) and your DD's mate's mum knows what she's in for, and I agree with others, she pays her own way (because it's the real world) then it could be just what everyone needs.