He most probably says it because he knows it's going to get a reaction - I doubt he doesn't know how it makes you feel, that's the point, he knows it makes you feel crappy. My DD has tried it on both DH and I, but we found it quickly stopped when we both blandly said, "Okay, doesn't change anything - you still have to do it (or can't have it)" or "that's too bad" and left it at that. It had no collateral then. Kids love to push buttons, that's how they refine us as parents, how they test and understand boundaries, and the go to buttons are always the emotional ones. I think he is simply trying to manipulate the situation to get what he wants. It's a control issue, and kids normally try take on these control issues at home (where it is safe) because they feel out of control else where (i.e. school, where what he does is dictated by the teacher). Perhaps he needs a hobby or outlet where he can feel empowered so he doesn't keep lashing out in the wrong areas. Could he start his own business? My daughter runs her "Henny Pennies". We bought an extra chicken so that we would always have too many eggs so she could sell the surplus to the neighbours or mum's at school.
When any of us kids used to say that to my mum, she always used to tell us "Good. That means I'm doing my job correctly." We soon stopped telling her we hated her, because we realised she wasn't upset by it, so what was the point?
I'm going through the same thing at the moment with my 7yo. Gee, the tantrums.
It's great to know I'm so not the only one having to/had to deal with this, cause some days it sure feels like I'm the one only. ( I hope you know what I mean)
There's a lot going on for your DS's at the moment, MN - it doesn't make it 'right' that he is this way with you, doesn't make it 'wrong', either. Emotional maturity is a long way off and they'll need some strong guidance through this time, and any compassion you can send their way Here's some for you and here's some for them
Talk to their dad and see if you can't come up with a strategy together for the boys?
They're very lucky to have you
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