There's a lot going on for your DS's at the moment, MN - it doesn't make it 'right' that he is this way with you, doesn't make it 'wrong', either. Emotional maturity is a long way off and they'll need some strong guidance through this time, and any compassion you can send their way Here's some for you and here's some for them
Talk to their dad and see if you can't come up with a strategy together for the boys?
They're very lucky to have you