Kids fighting driving me insane!** Long vent**

[Feijoa Mum]

Thanks for your replys guys. This morning was strangely quiet. They are both raaaahhhhh with me so they werent speaking to me or to each other either. Breakfast was all over and done with very quickly as I presume they were both starving hahaha that will teach em.

Inertia it is alot to do with Corban thinking he is soooo much older and wiser so therefore he is the boss. Its hard for him I guess because we do use him as an extra pair of (parental) hands when needed. Like asking him to take Scout for a walk while im trying to get dinner sorted. We make sure he knows how much we appreciate it and I guess he keeps that "hat" on even when not asked to.

Like the early bed time idea Harveybubsmum. It was very peaceful having just two of them at the table last night, but I honestly think some days they would not be allowed out their beds in the morning because they would lose so much time. I used to joke they fought over fresh air but it is seriously like that sometimes.

Nadine it is a great idea in theory but unfortunately it would never work with these two. They cant be in the bathroom together to brush their teeth so there is no way they would co operate long enough to complete a task together.

When hubby got hime last night I burst into tears as it really does drain me and makes me feel so hopeless and useless! He suggested we tie them together 24/7 and leave them in a room so they have to sort it and get along.
I suggested we sell them on the black market!!! (just kidding)

I know one day this will all be a blur on my memory bank but god give me strength to get to that point!

[Inertia]

Inertia it is alot to do with Corban thinking he is soooo much older and wiser so therefore he is the boss. Its hard for him I guess because we do use him as an extra pair of (parental) hands when needed. Like asking him to take Scout for a walk while im trying to get dinner sorted. We make sure he knows how much we appreciate it and I guess he keeps that "hat" on even when not asked to.

Exactly the problem here. I mean Angie is only 11 months older than CJ, but it doesnt stop her acting as though its 11 whole years. Sometimes I feel like I have very little to no control over her anymore and the only way to get her to do what *I* ask is to lose my temper, so I can't imagine that its much fun for the young'ens. Its the start of teenagerdom and we are doomed.

I have tried not to be too harsh - I remember when I was moving into the teenager realm, I was a rotten unbearable cow to my younger siblings. I love them all to death now and would do anything for them, but back then - woah, I was horrific.

Thats the thing though - I regret being that way. I have no idea why I was, they never did anything really wrong, I was just mean and nasty for no particular reason. I doubt Angie and Corban know why they are doing it either - but I would hate for either of them to regret it when they are all adults as I do now. I mean, my younger siblings have 'forgiven' me for it but it is still something I have to live with.

And yeah, I have tried talking to Angie about this point as well but it just went in one ear and out the other - like most things these days. Blah.

Right now we also fine them for fighting - fine them WiiDollars - and they use the wiidollars to pay for time on the games machines and computer, or trade them for real money - so having to pay it in a fine is ouchy for them. Unfortunately, they arent always happy to do the chores to earn them so its hard to fine someone who hasnt earnt a thing. Blah.

Just gotta keep trying.

[Bathsheba]

I read a quote by some wise old Asian person recently... can't remember who... but it went something like: :"Calm parents invariably raise calm children". Something like that. Well it's really stuck in my mind.

My kids fight too. I have noticed though that it's generally worse when my Dh or I am uptight about something and when we raise our voices over trivial things. I think as parents we set the tone of the house and our kids mirror us.

When i had my thyroid condition really bad last year I was a screaming banshee mum most days... and this is when my boys really started to get into the habit of fighting. Now that I am improving on medication I can almost reflect on things... cause and effect IYKWIM? So I have been recently testing out this old guys saying about being a calm parent... i think there might be something to it. So recently when my two boys have fought I have simply stepped in without saying anything and gently but firmly guided one boy to one room and the other to another room. The laundry is a good place. And then calmly gone to each child. I speak to each separately so that there isn't any injured pride. In a low voice i remind them of what I expect and the consequences of their choice to fight. I remind my 5yo that he won't be getting a treat he was hoping for on the weekend and I remind my 3yo that there will be no dessert for fighting boys... and that if he fights he won't get to help stir the jelly (or whatever, make it more immediate for littlies).

The biggest challenge (I think) is to first stay calm yourself. Divide and conquer. Remind of consequences. Follow through on any threats. Don't make a threat you won't persue. Catch them playing well!!! if in a few hours you hear them co-operating go up to each one and give them a hug saying how much you love it when they work things out together.

Goodluck... count to 10 before yelling. You are the mirror!