My DD is turning into someone I don't like

[mrsmac]

Hard as it is you usually have to let these friendships run their course. I know with DD1 that if I just went along with the friendship (didn't actively encourage it but was never negative) then eventually she wised up and moved on.
At the moment your DD is prob terrified of high school and the fact that the only girl she knows going is a total back stabbing biarth means she needs to befriend her so she doesn't become her victim at high school (you know the term keep your friends close but your enemies even closer ?) I would write to the HS and ask that they be separated, your school may do that as well!

Hugs babe it does get easier eventually.

[Tinks]

Thanks for your advice

I haven't been discouraging the friendship or anything, in fact she spent the weekend at the girl's house. I'm trying to make her realise that she has her own mind and can make her own decisions instead of following L and to teach her about the implications of lying about her teachers and peers. Just dosen't seem that I'm getting through.

I would love to change her school preference but the school she's going to is the only high school (public or private) in the area, she'd have to travel over an hour each way to another one which I dont' really like the idea of. There are over 10 feeder schools for this high school so I'm hoping like mad that she and L become friends with other girls and go their own seperate ways at some stage next year.

L has very little parental supervision, I went to pick DD up yesterday and there were no parents in sight. She also was dropped off at the local pool by L's mother where they spent the day unsupervised. I had a phone call from Dd saying she was going to the pool but nothing was mentioned about going alone, I don't think DD even knew until they were there.

Another sore point is Facebook. L has FB, I'm sure her mother has no idea what it is or she's up to on it. L keeps harping on about FB to DD which results in DD begging for a FB page. Our rule for FB is 13, she knows this and I'm NOT going to budge. I don't believe an 11 yo girls needs FB. She has MSN and will be getting a mobile phne for Christmas, so it's not as though she's cut off from everyone.

At this point, I know DD will not abuse my trust, she's a very good girl who doesn't like doing the wrong thing. That's now, at 11 though. I'm so worried that L will go off the rails as she gets older and DD will follow.

[Lulu]

I wonder if she would respond to some (gentle) teasing about L? How L seems to tell DD what to think/do - hasn't she got her own brain? That you heard L is a mean girl and she should think about people calling her a mean girl too... Push it a little bit further so DD can see the longer term effects on her actions.

I feel a bit for L, but I also think she is going to dig her fingers right into your DD. I bet she doesn't have many other friends acting like this or having a mum around a bit more to guide her behaviour. Hopefully once DD sees how other people view this behaviour she will back off of her own accord.

[*LittleMissSummer*]

I was quite the same as your DD, a very nice girl never had a bad thing to say about anyone. I had a bestfriend i had since i moved to canberra and as soon as we hit high school i met another group of girls who seemed 'cooler' i guess and i totally up and ditched my bestfriend i made her cry in front of my whole year (over 200 students) i called her a freak and that i hated her! i did that for popularity. She didnt talk to me until i served her at work last year and she noticed i was pregnant and she congratulated me and seemed really genuine. To this day i feel awful for what i did, i ditched her for 'friends' that soon later on got jealous i met my now DP and teased me, spread rumours around about me. I guess that was Karma for being horrible to my best friend.

I wouldn't want that to happen to your DD, this L girl doesn't seem very nice but then she probably doesn't have parents teaching her what is an appropriate way to act. Your DD would think she is 'cooler' than her other friends but she has to realise that her other friends are true friends and this other girl, in my experience will end up ditching her and leaving her with nobody.

[Bathsheba]

I was going to post pretty much exactly what Mrsmac said: brace yourself and let the friendship run its natural course. A very similar thing happened with my DD at that age. It took about 1 and a half years for the friendship to run it's course. You will have to listen to lots of high drama and there might be a few early rays of hope (when they have inevitable temporary spats) but if you can bite your tongue and just keep offering a calm port then your DD will soon wise up and set sail in a new direction. Oh and I also agree with Boobaloo... very good points.