Sex education for junior primary kids

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

In the UK "Sex Ed" starts pre-school. But that's about the importance of washing hands rather than sex. But it is all about a healthy body and how to keep it healthy, also that other people don't touch areas that are under clothes (good blanket rule really).

Had an argument with DH last night - he told Liebling not to have his hand in his pants and to stop playing with his penis. I agreed: you only touch your penis in private. DH got upset: Liebling should NEVER play with his penis. I didn't laugh in his face, but did ask "yeah, how well did that rule work out for you?"

But about periods - Liebling is old enough to ask why Mama is bleeding, so I can explain I'm not injured (please don't kiss it better!), but sometimes grown-up women have something called a "menstrual period" where they bleed out their vaginas. It doesn't hurt (ha!) and they aren't poorly, it just happens. And it's OK. No, Liebling, it will not happen to you. If you bleed from anywhere you should tell someone.

[Phteven]

My boys asked about periods. I told them that every month a woman's body makes a comfy nest for a baby to grow but if there is no baby then they body gets rid of the nest and grows again.

There is a book about the difficult questions children ask. I think the author is Mariam Stoppard (or something similar). It has age appropraite answers for all sorts of awkward questions.

[Gigi]

My boys asked about periods. I told them that every month a woman's body makes a comfy nest for a baby to grow but if there is no baby then they body gets rid of the nest and grows again.

There is a book about the difficult questions children ask. I think the author is Mariam Stoppard (or something similar). It has age appropraite answers for all sorts of awkward questions.

bilby keeps on asking me, why i have mumma pads. She sees my drawer of them, wonders what they are. So she's not asking about periods as such, has not seen me bleeding or anything, has just seen unused pads and is curious about why i reach for those (once a month obviously, not that she registers it's once a month). I try to manage my periods out of her sight, but she has this uncanny knack of wanting me, just when i need some privacy, our bathroom is 1.5 x 1.6 in size. it's very close to the kitchen and her bedroom. everywhere is very close in our place.

I guess my fear is, the accompanying questions, not just the first one. She has pretty good logic. So if i say - women bleed once a month, so that's why i need the mumma pads - i suspect she will think about that and come back to me with, "when will that happen to me mum?" - so that's another question i'm unsure how to answer (a five year) about. She already has lots of bad dreams, forever asking me when will i die (she's scared of her mummy and daddy dying and leaving her alone, as she has so few relatives), so talking about bleeding - which she might relate to sickness/dying - i am nervous about.

She seems quite comfortable about concepts like breastfeeding and a baby coming out of a mummy's vagina. I cannot bring myself to discuss the c-section i had with her, i feel too upset to discuss that memory, i have "shut her down" when she starts talking about it - cos of course, being a kid, she uses blunt language which i can't cope with.

i have been told, in our state education system, Protective Behaviours is a principle, taught from kindy. But what she has been told so far, is very mild, more stuff to do with privacy and self esteem.

[Phteven]

For a 5 year old the teenage years seem quite remote. I don't see the harm in an honest answer. For most girls it starts about the same time as they become a teenager. For some it is earlier and for others it is later.
I can see that you might be worried about the association with bleeding but the fact that you're still standing and you're obviously fine should be proof that it is essentially a safe, natural process.

[briggsy's girl]

i tend to agree with Onyx - being a teenager is a very long way away to a five year old, and explaining it now rather than hiding it from her may actually help her to see that not everything relating to bleeding means illness/death. it might help her to put some things in perspective and make normal events (like AF) seem less scary for her

DD has asked why mummy bleeds (we have sliding doors to the ensuite and she just walks on in, so i've given up on the privacy thing!) - i told her that mummys tummy gets ready for a baby to grow in there like she did, and when there is no baby, i have to get rid of the stuff in there that the baby doesn't need - and that's how it happens. she was older when we planted her placenta under her tree, so we talk about how she was joined to me via her belly button to her placenta, and when there is no baby there, the bit that the placenta joins on mummy has to come away. some of it is probably a bit more complex than she is ready for, but she is putting the bits together a little each time i bleed, and she remembers enough to not be freaked out by it and to ask questions to answer her own curiosity, so we just run with it. i also tell her that, given that she is a girl, it will happen to her one day too, but she shouldn't hope for it to happen too soon, cos it's not much fun. when she asks me when it will happen to her, i refer to a bigger kid (for us, it's her cousin, but for bilby, perhaps you could reference the biggest kids at school or the kids that go to the high school) and i tell her i don't know for sure, but probably when she's older/bigger than those kids. given af didn't start for me til i was 16, i won't give her a specific time frame!

i know it's not easy to answer the questions, especially given the mumma instinct to protect our kidlets from subjects that seem to grown up/advanced/scary/overwhelming for them when we think it through with our own knowledge base - but sometimes it's more scary for them to have information hidden from them (or that's how it feels to them). you can point the conversation in the direction of "normal" if you are wanting to avoid discussion of her particular birth, given the trauma you have experienced. it sounds like you've already talked to her about it in the past, and given she is already aware of vaginal birth, she is well on the way to understanding periods without much extra explanation - she knows about birth - so explaining to her that the body gets ready for a baby, and when there isn't one, you have to get rid of the materials (nest or whatever you want to call it) through the vagina ready to start again next month isnt' that much of a stretch. perhaps finding an explanation that works for you is going to be the hardest bit - think of something that you can explain to her that is clear and would make sense. does she make her own bed each day? maybe something along the lines of "just like you make your bed every day to go to bed at night, a womans body makes a type of bed in her tummy for a baby to grow in. if there is no baby in there, you get a period. a period is like when you strip your bed to wash the sheets - it needs to start fresh, like having clean sheets" (not the clearest way to say it - trying to type it out is very difficult - but you could use an idea that she would understand about starting fresh and that it's not a bad thing)

[Gigi]

thanks Onyx and BG, i do feel better about this now, am formulating what to say, next time this issue comes up. You're right, we bleed, and we're still standing.

[krysalyss]

I am mostly guided by DS as to what he is interested in knowing. He knows how babies come out (both vaginally and c/section). He has seen animals mating (but hasn't yet twigged what humans may do). He understands periods and knows what tampons are, and what tampon bins are for, and he knows the proper names for the body parts. So that is about what we are up to. He is 5. I am guessing he will ask more when he is interested in more and I will just try and answer honestly.