Initially i read your post and i got so angry.
It is due to my issues with my mother, who puts on a woe is me act, but is really being a manipulative cow. She finds great pleasure in controlling my siblings and turning us against one another, its like she thinks she is the queen bee and we are her workers.
Sorry i read your post right after another argument with her!! She always manages to put words in our mouths and turn things around and use it against us later.
Anyway, i had to re read your letter and not take it to heart (obviously you aren't my mother lol) and i thought i would give you a perspective from a child of a broken / messed up family.
You are right, your daughter did take you protecting the other sibling to heart, i can probably guess that she was feeling fragile and in depserate need of reassurance from her mother and she didn't get what she wanted so she acted the way she did. (IMO only i obviously don't know the whole situation)
However, i think you should go to her engagement. If you don't, you will give her more excuses to make up stories, more excuses to feel hurt and betrayed and more excuses to dislike you in her mind.
You need to go to the engagement, wish them all the best and let her go.
When she goes on in life, gets married etc, all you can do is be there for support.
Even if you are standing quietly in the wings.
One day when she becomes a mother, she will realise all you have done for her and why you do the things the way you do. Because she is apart of you, and you unconditionally love her. That is your downfall, but it is also the most uplifting thing in the world. A mothers love.
Things will work out for you. People will come to realise your not such a bad person. Besides, if they are going to listen to rumours, why would you want them as friends anyway.
Sorry if i just gabbled on and didn't really help, but i hope i did a little
you know from my kids point of view there would be times that they would have just gotten weary of our situation and the stress
and me expressing it to anyone
tired, embarrassed.
recently 2 of my children had court situations. one an ex was trying to meddle with the child he never wanted.
and another was an ex girlfriend being charged for stealing money from my son
they are finding out how stressful court is
and yet my ex dragged me through court for years
i supported them so so so so so much and still do in all these situations, typing, helping them with hints, listening, giving soothing words and uplifting words, and wise words.
i was so alone through so much so i dont want them to suffer the terrible pain of that.
yes if i would hav emet someone and talked to them on the way back from court aobut the day i'd just had they would have felt embarrassed.
people who spread lies oculd use the word manipulate when in fact there is no manipulation but a true situatiohn of need
people get sick of situations of need and start to question them or accuse when there may be no need for that at all.
thats what happened in my situation and i saw it happen now to my daughter that soon after she became a single young mum, people wondered if she really needs help when she asks for it and started to accuse her of being manipulative when the real truth was so so painfully different.
yes i hve to learn not to care about others pain
i am sensitive and most of my family are so its hard work for us to try to not care
one of my children though is totally differnt, nothing bothers her and she is so lucky. she can just laugh off everything.
i have told friends of mine though that if i die of a heart attack from so much pressure on me, financial, emotional, heart break , hurt, that i DO want my kids and people around me to be told of the horrible impact they had on me and the repercussions their behaviour caused on my daily life.
Re the engagement thanks. one step at a time. so far she isnt engaged yet, she needs to find a ring, and she has not invited me yet.
i read your post right after another argument with her!! She always manages to put words in our mouths and turn things around and use it against us later.
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