Hey Sue,

Initially i read your post and i got so angry.
It is due to my issues with my mother, who puts on a woe is me act, but is really being a manipulative cow. She finds great pleasure in controlling my siblings and turning us against one another, its like she thinks she is the queen bee and we are her workers.
Sorry i read your post right after another argument with her!! She always manages to put words in our mouths and turn things around and use it against us later.

Anyway, i had to re read your letter and not take it to heart (obviously you aren't my mother lol) and i thought i would give you a perspective from a child of a broken / messed up family.

You are right, your daughter did take you protecting the other sibling to heart, i can probably guess that she was feeling fragile and in depserate need of reassurance from her mother and she didn't get what she wanted so she acted the way she did. (IMO only i obviously don't know the whole situation)

However, i think you should go to her engagement. If you don't, you will give her more excuses to make up stories, more excuses to feel hurt and betrayed and more excuses to dislike you in her mind.

You need to go to the engagement, wish them all the best and let her go.
When she goes on in life, gets married etc, all you can do is be there for support.
Even if you are standing quietly in the wings.

One day when she becomes a mother, she will realise all you have done for her and why you do the things the way you do. Because she is apart of you, and you unconditionally love her. That is your downfall, but it is also the most uplifting thing in the world. A mothers love.

Things will work out for you. People will come to realise your not such a bad person. Besides, if they are going to listen to rumours, why would you want them as friends anyway.

Sorry if i just gabbled on and didn't really help, but i hope i did a little