Simply shocked by the way DD's friend is dressed

[e_p]

Ok, maybe I'm just an old fuddy duddy but I"m talking about close to a g-string and I'm quite shocked by some of the responses. Would you truly send your 9yr old out like this?

Regards,
Dianne

I don't participate in body shaming...so if my 9 yo wanted to be naked full time around the house, I'd support that. If she was going to someone else's house, ideally I'd want her to wear something that made her feel good about herself that was age appropriate. Is your DDs friend wearing a g-string or bikini bottoms that are a bit small? Either way, all you can see is some bum cheeks...it's just flesh...she's not out to 'tempt' your husband or teenage sons. I find the pressure we put on such young girls to dress and behave 'appropriately' so, so sad.

[Maruschke]

I would be uncomfortable if someone wore that in my house, regardless of age or gender. It's not about sexuality. It simply isn't appropriate. It is a shame this needs to happen between you and the girl rather than between parents. I would offer her some shorts without mentioning why, perhaps ask your daughter to put some shorts on at the same time.

[FabFiona]

Maybe offer everyone some dry clothes to change into when they get out?

[fionas]

I think it's really hard when we can't see them Dianne but I trust your judgement that they're inappropriate.

I think the sunburn excuse is actually a really good one and I'd use that. Not ideal but probably the best one under the circumstances.

Your house. Your rules. End of.

[black_rose]

I know it's probably hard for you but she is just a kid, at that age knickers are fine, I even remember we used to run around nude under the hose with friends no one made a big deal. You will embarrass her and could trigger body issues if she is a big girl. I agree that talking to her mum might be a good idea. Your family shouldn't have to hide, just remind them she is a little girl like your own dd and it's no big deal.

[Mildez]

Perhaps say she needs the shorts for sun protection.

[Rosey]

I would be uncomfortable if someone wore that in my house, regardless of age or gender. It's not about sexuality. It simply isn't appropriate. It is a shame this needs to happen between you and the girl rather than between parents. I would offer her some shorts without mentioning why, perhaps ask your daughter to put some shorts on at the same time.

Totally agree.



Sent from my iPhone... Please excuse the mistakes

[diannescruffy]

She is now wearing a pair of my shorts, I simply went into DD's room and offered them to her saying if she wanted to change, like DD, she's welcome to wear them. Not once was I worried DH or the boys would be drooling over her, obviously everyone has different opinions on appropriate clothing and in our household this is not appropriate and makes us uncomfortable.

Regards,
Dianne

[Maruschke]

Pretty sure I would be more concerned about the fact my teenage sons and husband can't look at a NINE year old in bathers without assigning her sexuality.

I think it is a very unfair assumption that the reason they are uncomfortable is for sexual reasons. Very unfair.

[diannescruffy]

I think it is a very unfair assumption that the reason they are uncomfortable is for sexual reasons. Very unfair.

Thank you.

Regards,
Dianne

[Marley&Me]

I think it is a very unfair assumption that the reason they are uncomfortable is for sexual reasons. Very unfair.

I have to agree. I don't think that's what the OP was suggesting at all. The girls mother should know better when shopping for bathers for her daughter, I would feel very uncomfortable if it were me.

[krysalyss]

Off topic but as your issue seems to be resolved I hope you don't mind…. A question for Onyx - do you think it would be offensive for someone who is not muslim to wear a burqini? Not that I ever go to the beach really but I worry quite a bit about sun cancer as my brother (who has similar skin to me) had a melanoma when he was only 23. It seems to me here in QLD (skin cancer capital of the world) a good option for fair-skinned people. Not sure if it would cover more than just the long UV shirts and legs with a hat?

[Smoke Jaguar]

Umm, next time you make an invite, please let people know what your social mores are. I wouldn't have thought it would make a flying difference what my kid wore to a private pool without there being an official policy about it that I may have been informed about.
It's skin. It's skin on a kid. If she's already large she's gonna know all about her skin very, very shortly, without your help or shock.
I would say that if your husband and sons have issues with what they saw, you may need to have a discussion about what it was they found offensive or objectionable - without pinpointing what the actual problem was that sparked their reactions you will have a very offendable family who will tend to blame the person they're looking at or listening to without owning their own reactions. She hasn't caused offence, she has triggered something that was already there. She's just being her and just being a kid and at her mum's mercy.
Who knows, maybe she comes from a family where she's been taught that skin is skin is skin and it doesn't matter what you're wrapping is, because everyone has a bum with bum cheeks, everyone has a belly, everyone has nipples (*ooh ahh* I wonder if she'd have been wrapped in a towel and sat at the door to wait for her mum if she hadn't brought the rashy!).
I remember being in NZ at a hot springs and two girls were playing with DS who was 6mo at the time and it was so, so refreshing to see these 7yo's (asked their ages, they were so friendly) from Canada, long beach hair, tans and bead necklaces and only bikini bottoms. They were fairly lean, so no 'offending' boobie show, but they were kids and they were comfortable in their own skin. It challenged me for a minute (not offended, just assimilating it to what everyone else was wearing that day there) and then I decided that it was the kind of thing I would encourage in my own kids. My DD, granted is only 2, wears only bottoms to her swimming lessons where every single other girl is in a bikini or a frilly one-piece - they are just kids!
I read the thread title and thought maybe there was a party or an outing where someone was dressed far beyond their years...only to realise you're talking about swimwear that rides up someone's bum.
Seriously, if it's such a problem for you to accomodate, talk to the mum and please consider advising parents of your private pool wear policy. I really wouldn't have thought it would matter, especially in a home where there are boys AND girls in residence? Then again, DP's walking around naked, DD doesn't have undies on and I was topless at the creek just before

[Phteven]

No I don't think it's offensive at all. I know MadB has one of the sun smart suits that ahiida sells and Nigella Lawson has one of the full cover ones with a sun visor.

[Livinthedream]

TBH, I wouldnt care (nor would my hubby) if a 9 year old wore nothing in my pool. Yesterday we had a friend come over with her 6 and 8 year old girls and they didnt bring their swimmers and both of them along with my 2 1/2 year old son were all naked in the spa.
Maybe her mother didnt notice or maybe they are her only swimmers?
I worry more about little bra type tops and tiny micro shorts that kids wear to the shops/movies than I do about a bit of "innocent" nudity.
Sorry it bothered you so much though and was a situation that was easily rectified.

[diannescruffy]

I'm sure my views were pretty clear in my post, I didn't ask for opinions on whether this was appropriate with others or not. I shouldn't have to feel bad about my view on this by peoples comments and assumptions. Thank you to those who offered advice regarding my question.

Regards,
Dianne

[Smoke Jaguar]

No, you shouldn't. If you feel bad then that's something for you to explore.
I'm glad you didn't send her off feeling mortified that she somehow has to learn to dress 'appropriately', whatever that means. I really am. I'm not sorry, still, that I would prioritise her feelings over yours and your boys and DH's - you guys are adults who are more emotionally mature, presumably, and sending her off with a new complex, in addition to your complexes about bodies would be a poor outcome, indeed.
I did offer 'advice', I suppose, it just wasn't what you wanted to read. I suggest you guys talk about it and what exactly brought your discomfort to the fore and how you can deal with it next time (if there IS a next time), and what it all means for you, if, you find it has a significant meaning when all is out in the open (so to speak lol).
I still don't know why you couldn't just let it go I seriously don't understand what the threat was. We all have bum cheeks, don't we? It just reminds me to really work on my kids to appreciate bodies for what they are; vessels for souls and the spirit inside.

[nothing2lose]

Mayaness, just out of interest, would you also tell someone who was a Muslim that they should just essentially get over wanting modesty in their own home? That they should just accept flesh is flesh and they should be fine with it? I totally get where you are coming from but I also respect Diane's right to her standards being observed in her own home. I also think she acted tactfully and sensitively.

Also, my understanding is that Diane's boys aren't 'adults' but teens.