Omg that is my DD to a T lol. You are definitely not alone in this. The complete self centredness, the dismissiveness, everything is my DD as well. We had advice from her cousellor to start treating her like a guest in a hotel. If she wants to share information with you then talk to her otherwise don't include her. It is hard to do but she has responded to it (as she didn't like it lol). Don't get into fights about her as they like ANY attention they can get. We sat down and worked out some basic boundary rules and so far they seem to be working. We have left the lines of communication open and she knows she can talk to us at any time about any thing.

I send you big hugs and lots of tissues because this is a really hard time to get through. Make sure you and DH agree on a strategy and don't argue over her because it can and will cause rifts between you (experience here). If you need a shoulder to cry on or just to vent you can pm me or just talk on here all the ladies are great.

Take care