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Thread: Teenage DSD vent

  1. #1

    Default Teenage DSD vent

    (she taught me how to do that)

    I just need to vent about my normally fabulous DSD1. Her attitude and lack of caring about anyone but herself has DH and I at our wits end atm.

    Yesterday afternoon she took her nail polish off and put the used tissue straight down onto my big gorgeous (very expensive) wooden coffee table. The nail polish remover stripped the vanish off it and basically took a chunk out of the table. It’s not massive, but when I noticed it last night I was SO cranky. DH spoke to her about it and she just looked at him with vacant eyes and said ‘oh, sorry’... my most disliked words EVER! (Closely followed by ‘it’s at mummy’s’... every time the girls can’t find clothes / shoes / anything and we ask them where it is, that’s what they reply with... I often say now that the Ex's house is like a black hole... what goes in, never comes out again).

    She has had her laptop taken off because she left it turned on, sitting on the couch with the powercord across the doorway... needless to say, I didn’t see the powercord, tripped over it and the laptop went flying. When DH told her what happened and why it had been confiscated (can anyone say fire hazard??) she just said ‘oh ok. Can I take your laptop into my room?’ She’s continuously at as to buy her a new laptop (we gave her old one when we paid it out) and I just can’t figure out why I should pay this current laptop out and give it to her when she doesn’t look after anything we buy her now...



    While things like that make me annoyed, I've never really been disappointed in her... until last weekend. My DSD2 was staying the IL's for the first week of the school holidays and consequensely missed DSD1's birthday. To make it up to her sister, DSD2 went to a scrapbooking class and made this really cute photo frame with a picture of herself (ok, she's a wee bit modest ) in it to give to DSD1 for missing her birthday.

    DSD1 unwrapped the gift, said "oh, thanks for that", threw it down on to the coffee table and walked away... DSD2 is still devastated... she made especially for her, and DSD1 just doesn't care. DH had a dig at her about it last night... the response "oh, sorry"...

    *sigh*

    DH and I spoke about it last night and we're both struggling with her attitude and behaviour. It's hard because we just end up having a huge *****fest about her... 'oh, I can't believe she did this, that and the other'.

    I think (and vaguely remember) this all just being 'normal teenage behaviour', but I just can't move away from the fact that she wants and expects SO much and gives us nothing in return. I have used the line 'you expect to be treated like an adult and yet you act like a child' so often, I'm sick of saying it. Yes, she 15 and yes, she's at the horrible stage of hormones, school and boys, but seriously...

    Please tell me I'm not alone and that other's are dealing with issue like this?? What tactics have you come up with to deal with it??

  2. #2

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    NIc

    Totally wish I could tell you I know how you feel but I can't

    BUT I do remember BEING that way!

    Hugs Hun x

  3. #3

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    hun, sorry can't relate in any way. But it must be tough, hopefully thing will get better for you soon.

  4. #4

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    I was watching my 15 year old cousin the other day, and I know exactly what you're talking about! I think its that teenagers just don't see the big picture - they only see it as how it affects them. Not deliberately generally, they're just not mature enough yet to see things from all sides. I remember always been on edge as a teenager, everyone said I didn't have any common sense, but I was constantly trying SO HARD to think of issues this way and that way and the other way - and then someone would come up and cut through all of it with a simple explanation that completely eluded me

    Sadly, the only thing that worked for me was time. Maybe you could sit her down and explain how upset her sister is, and why, and explain that it's important to put ourselves in other people's shoes, and try to understand them. Explain that you realise it might be difficult for her to see things from all angles because its an ability that comes with time, but as long as people can see she's trying, things should be alright.

    Or maybe wait for someone to respond who actually HAS teenagers as opposed to me in my fairy world

  5. #5

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    Every time I read one of these threads I plot harder for either a tower or a basement to put DD#1 in when she turns 15. Its not that far off either ...

    I guess you just have to grit your teeth, try and engage damage control rather than pushing her away and hope it passes sooner rather than later?

  6. #6

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    O no WAY are you alone. It's amazing how self centred they are. AMAZING. I think my DD has said/done everything you posted at least 500 times. She still thinks the world revolves around her....

  7. #7

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    Is there something else going on (you know, untoward) that could be preoccupying her mind?

    I know that it's normal 15yo behaviour. I'm sure I was like this, but I had other issues going on... just a thought xx

  8. #8

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    Omg that is my DD to a T lol. You are definitely not alone in this. The complete self centredness, the dismissiveness, everything is my DD as well. We had advice from her cousellor to start treating her like a guest in a hotel. If she wants to share information with you then talk to her otherwise don't include her. It is hard to do but she has responded to it (as she didn't like it lol). Don't get into fights about her as they like ANY attention they can get. We sat down and worked out some basic boundary rules and so far they seem to be working. We have left the lines of communication open and she knows she can talk to us at any time about any thing.

    I send you big hugs and lots of tissues because this is a really hard time to get through. Make sure you and DH agree on a strategy and don't argue over her because it can and will cause rifts between you (experience here). If you need a shoulder to cry on or just to vent you can pm me or just talk on here all the ladies are great.

    Take care

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lulu View Post
    O no WAY are you alone. It's amazing how self centred they are. AMAZING. I think my DD has said/done everything you posted at least 500 times. She still thinks the world revolves around her....
    revolves around her? oh yeahhhh that....

    I had to restrain myself talking to my DD today, I restricted myself to the words 'thoughtless & inconsiderate' - I could have thrown a whole lot more in there as well The total disregard for anyone else... kills me.

    I really do think though that there is a certain inability to see or feel anything from another person's viewpoint. I kind of remember being a bit like that myself. (surely not this bad, lol) I think it's age related, not a personality trait (at this age anyhoo).

    So no, you are sooo not alone...
    ummm, as for how to deal with it *shrug* .... you know how everyone always says babies don't come with an instruction manual? well I think babies are waaaay easier than teenagers. I'm winging it

  10. #10

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    My 19yo sister is still like this and unfortunately, I'm pretty sure I was oblivious to the world around me too, until I had to go out on my own and pay my own way.

    Oh how I miss the bliss of ignorance and only having to worry about myself Although, you couldn't pay me enough to go back there!

    The only tactic I can think of would be to possibly have the 3 of you sit down together and talk about how you all feel, draw up a 'contract' (or just talk about) for respecting house rules and the possible consequences of not following the rules, while at the same time praising her for all the good things she does do already.

  11. #11

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    oh don't start me.

    DSD is 17 and completely like this. I have no idea if we cut her too much slack a few years ago and could have cracked down on it earlier but it has created a lot of issues for us.

    So it would be hypocritical of me to give advice, just reassurance that you're not alone!

  12. #12

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    Quote Originally Posted by sconeonamission View Post
    Is there something else going on (you know, untoward) that could be preoccupying her mind?
    I know she's got a lot going on while she's at her Mum's place. We try to step lightly because we know that's she's dealing with a lot while over there, but I'm just at my wit's end in trying to deal with her. Add to the mix her attitude, trying to deal with the Ex and TTC... I just feel like sitting down and having a big ol' cry...

    Thanks for replying girls...

  13. #13

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    That is exactly how DD was at that age, she has improved but still has those moments! I think/hope its just normal teenage behaviour I know I wouldn't want to be a teenager again for all the money in the world, so much angst and confusion and hormones.

    Hugs to you, it doesn't make it any easier but there are many of us who understand.

  14. #14

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    No you are not alone. I know exactly how you feel. Today I could put DSD's (13) head through a wall, not that I really would but that's how I feel. The attitude, the language, the I don't give a crap, the mums always right you n dad aren't important anymore, the I don't give a crap about my sister or brother because they are only my HALF siblings. It was dh's birthday today, she couldn't even space 2 minutes to give him a phone call. I am so so over it. It's sad really. I hope things improve with your DSD soon .

  15. #15

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    Grrr! Argh! *Stress! Vent!* I can so relate.

    My DD1 shrugs her shoulders and makes some weird oh well sound when ever she does something that ends up causing damage.
    I have confiscated her laptop on several occassions - the response I get is "I don't care"..... Oh trust me, honey, you will!

    And she does. She expects everything and gives nothing at all in return! She wants a new laptop - I want her to do the damn dishes at least once! It is infuriating to the nth degree and I too am at my wits end on how to get her to just understand! We wont even go into how she treats DD2. Suffice it to say the other day I said to her "How would you feel if you had an older sibling constantly speaking to you the way you do DD2?" to which she replied "I would have killed myself by now"... -- I flew off the handle obviously because whether she was purposely trying to destroy her sister and force her into suicide, or she just doesnt make the correlation - its bad and she needed to be pulled up there and then!

    Sadly I don't have any answers, but I suggest you try checking youtube for "Whatever! The Science of Teens" as it explains a lot. There is no easy answers in it but it does help you reconcile things in your own head and you might be able to develop some strategies to cope.

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