Bathsheba. You must feel so disappointed in her. I remember doing similar things when I was a teen to my parents and their lost trust hurt more than the punishment (although being grounded etc hurt too!!). The trust I lost had to be earnt again and that took a while. I remember after blowing the trust, having to negotiate what freedoms I wanted and what I was going to give in return. So mum would give up a little of what she wanted and I would give up a little and neither of us was totally happy but we could both live with the arrangement.

I was the same as Ella - barely got through Year 10. Didn't care about my grades at all. During the holidays, mum grounded me to the house for the school hours and I had to catch up all the work I missed and then come 4pm, I was allowed to see friends, my boyfriend etc. I look back now and am so grateful to her for caring when I didn't and setting limits because I did change my mind about the importance of grades down the track!!

I wonder if something similar would work with your daughter? The problem is that if you push back too hard, she'll likely rebel further. I agree with others that you need to be really firm about this because she involved her younger brother but at the same time, you want to keep communication and negotiation lines open.

Good luck. I'm sure you're doing a great job handling it!