Daughter being harrassed

[mrsmac]

Even letting your children watch sexually exlicit movies is abuse Meg so there may be cause for concern about these boys in that respect.
I think its annoying that this man has been given the "naughty" boys and the poor girls in the grade have been made to suffer, if the school is any good they will ensure that those boys are spread throughout the classes next year and the girls that have been with the worst of them do not have to be again (sort of share them around IYKWIM?)
BTW if he is a good teacher he will be able to deal with these boys unless he is very inexperienced.

[tiggerlinda]

Not good enough by the teacher I would be seeing the principal and sending a letter to the parents assoc do all parents are aware. I was harressed at school at a older age but similar talk to your daughter and I was too embarrssed to talk to anyone eventually Mum found me crying talked to a few people but it wasn't till the PTA got involed that we realised how many other kids it was happening too and how bad it was.

Good on you for standing up for your girl

[mrsmac]

The P&C have no power or say over things like this and getting them involved will alienate the teachers and principal and also cause more gossip. This is a matter for the teachers, the assistant principal or the principal. If you are unsatisfied with the way it is handled at a school level you need to contact the SED of your district. (If you need any help finding out who to contact PM me, I notice you are in Sydney too. I am a teacher and can get onto who would be best to speak to in your area)

[Lulu]

I still cant get past "the sucking issue" WTF????

[mrsmac]

Thats what makes me think at least one of the boys have been exposed in some way to stuff they shouldn't which means the school legally MUST report their concern.

[Junglemum]

Glad you decided to follow up with the principle WM. That is absolutely not acceptable. And like others say, it should be delt with now before it turns into a bigger issue for all involved.

Your poor DD and her friends. Its great she was able to come to you and let you know what was happening.

Did you get an appointment yet?

[Mumma2three]

Yes, my DD seems to be good at telling me things, although it took her a week to tell me all the details. but I know that is better than not telling me.
The principal rang and we had a long chat on the phone. She said that although she knows the boys just think they are SOOOOOOO funny, it' is not acceptable and she will be doing something about it. So the teacher hadn't told her (which I think is a little strange, but it's his call I guess).
I dont know where he was before this school, but it's his first year here and he may well be capable, but I have a feeling he's overwhelmed. But yes, he probably thinks he's dealing with it in the best way he knows how. At least now he knows that however he did deal with it, it didnt' stop it for long.
I do believe that the boys probably watch alot of crappola on tv and that is most likely where it comes from (that or they have older brothers....)
As it turns out the mother of the main one has been told by another parent, so that is good because I have NO idea who she is (we've only been at the school a year and a half and I haven't met so many of the parents).
Anyway DD has said she will tell me each afternoon how school was that day. She also knows now that she can talk to the principal if need be. I think it's opened a new door for her, and also for her and I.
Thanks for all your input everyone!
I feel that at this point it's being delt with and I will be following up on what is happening. The principal also told me not to listen to the gossiping mothers and that they obviously have nothing better to do. I gathered that they drive her nuts ()the ones that probably turn up to her office day in day out to complain how their princess is being treated)!! So I won't be listening to the adult gossip anymore!! What are we, year 4 ourselves?????
thanks again xoxo

[Neenee Jellybeanie]

My daughter is in Year 4 and I found out that the boys in her class are harrassing her. She has been saying for a few weeks that they swear at her (well she has said they've sworn for the whole year) and I just told her that they are boys and they must like her....

Anyway, today she came out crying and said the boys had just cornered her in the locker room and said "You are a b*#tch, you hump boys". The teacher was in the computer room so they obviously thought it was their chance. She then told me that last week one of the boys had said "do you wanna s*ck my balls". I can't believe it. Anyway, I went to the teacher. Now he is a male and is the only male in the school and I had heard a rumour that he got all the difficult boys BECAUSE he's a man. So the girls in the class just have to suffer. I also realised it's the "average" girls, because they wouldn't put the top of the year or their work could suffer (grrr I get so annoyed when I realise this).

So, I went to the teacher who ways "we delt with the sucking issue last week"/ Oh ok, well I didnt' know. And then he said to get my daughter (who at this point had gone off to dance class and didn't want to tlak to the teacher) to see him tomorrow and tell him what happened.

My husband says this would be sexual harrassment if it was in the work place, and that they should suffer severe consequences. I am sure this isn't the only two times and Im going to go to the principle. Do you think tha'ts sufficient or is there something else I should do. Has anyone experienced something similar?

Thanks xo

I hope this doesn't offend you but I think that saying "they must like you" when they treat her badly is problematic. Some psychologists think that it contributes to a mindset girls have of accepting domestic violence, "He hurts me because he loves me" etc. I know it's meant to make her feel better when she's upset but it's not something you'd want her to carry into adulthood. Again, hope that doesn't offend, JMO.

I absolutely agree with your husband that this is TOTALLY unacceptable. Not only is it sexual harrassment, it's violence. Cornering her and making sexual advances is absolutely a physical threat and there's nothing to say that these boys wouldn't actually hurt her. I know mothers who have found out their children (one as young as four years old) have been sexually assaulted, often repeatedly, while in childcare and and at school. I would take this as a serious threat to her safety and at the very least, demand that your daughter be moved into a different class. If they won't do it, take her out of the school and make a complaint to the education department. I would also go to the local police station and speak to an officer. They might be able to come to the school and tell the boys off and hopefully put the fear of God into them. If they get away with this with a slap on the wrist they'll just keep doing it. They need serious consequences or the behaviour will escalate.
It's great that your daughter can talk to you and that you and the principal have an understanding. I'd still move her out of class though, up to you though.

[HotI]

This is an old thread. Not sure why it has been brought up again.

[kittykat]

The action is not good enough, go straight to the principle and get a better answer and a better action result if you are not happy have her removed from the class this is rotten behaviour and should not happen, I agree with your hubby if this was in the work place they would be fired and further action would be taken. Just think if it were you in the work place cornered by a group of men would you be scared and upset? i could not imagine how scared you daughter is .

If the teacher has all the rotten boys suggest that it be a all boys class and stopped subjecting the girls to this sexual harrassment and might i add you better let the principle know if this continues you will take it further be firm you are your daughters protector.
kath

[TeniBear]

I know it's been a year and a half, but how did everything turn out? Might be worthwhile to bring this up again now, since it's the start of a new school year - new students, new bullies, etc...

[fourthontheway]

How interesting that the girsl using bad language get a bad reputation and yet no one discusses the boys doing it! RAmpant misogyny at that age is really dreadful. This stuff is the reason I began home schooling my daughter in yr 5, the teacher refused to deal with it adequately, the bullying continued, and my daughter started getting in serious trouble because of it. She left the school with a few of her friends one day to get away from it, and it was her and her friends who were nearly suspended over the issue. The girls were told that the boys were doing that because "that's what boys do when they like girls" and I SPAT CHIPS. TAlk about laying the firm foundations for domestic violence later in life!!!!

These boys need to be pulled very harshly back into line. If the trouble continues (I do realise home school isn't everyone's cup of tea ) you need to go above the principal's head to someone higher up in the food chain. Don't stop until your daughter feels happy again because it's simply not acceptable. Your husband is absolutely right, this behaviour would result in legal action against the participants and against the company who refused to deal fully with the problem.

Best of luck to you xxxx don't stop until it's fixed!

[mygirlsmummy]

ask the teacher what the consequences for the student concerned was. Was it a talking to or detention?
Record down when you spoke with the teacher and what transpired.
Meet with the principal. Record down what transpired during the meeting.
Ask the principal what strategies he is using in the school to eliminate harassment.
Ask the principal what is his short term solution to the problem, and if it is not fixed, where to then.
You could ask your that your daughter be moved to another class.
The rumour you heard is more than likely true, as many educational reports have identified the need for male teachers to act as a 'role model' for troublesome boys, as female teachers are often ineffective at corrective their negative behaviour. The class will probably always be a tough one for the teacher.
If you are still unsatisfied with the results, take it to the district office. Usually complaints are acted upon when it is taken there.
Remember to record EVERYTHING (some bureaucratic organisations don't like to put things down on paper). Harassment is illegal, and you have a right to push until appropriate action is taken that helps all parties involved.

[JBM]

the thing is i think the teachers let them get away with too much and this kind of behaviour needs to stop. i only have to think this week of the poor little 12 year old boy who has had his life cut short because of a bully.
it is not acceptable and as your DH said it would be harrassment in the workplace.

if we let them get away with it at school then they just keep this behaviour up.

good luck

[mrsmac]

Sadly these days the teachers have very little power especially when a lot of parents refuse to believe that their child is a problem. You have no idea the amt of abuse we cop for trying to discipline some kids at school. Many parents seem to be of the belief that their child can do no wrong and must never be disciplined which makes it damn hard I tell you.

[krisp]

The thing that strikes me about this is why on earth are 10 year old children even saying things like "do you wanna suck my balls?" Aren't they supposed to be chilldren, riding skateboards, building cubby houses and climbing trees? How sad that we have a society where our children become sexual at 10 years old??
I sincerely worry for my children. I know I can't turn back the clock and I can't protect them from everything but sexual harrassment at 10 years old - there is something seriously wrong with that...

I'm very very sad to hear this. I hope your little girl is OK.