Oh Kell don't label yourself a "mother of a bully" because it isn't helpful and could make things worse. From what you have written you sound like a very understanding and reasonable person and they usually breed understanding and reasonable kids LOL Much of what you have suggested sounds great; writing a letter to the victim's mum should help. If my child was the victim your respone would have appeased my frustration too... just seeing your preggy belly would have made me less upset because you obviously have a lot on your plate.

As a mum of a 13yo and 2 much younger children I fully understand the difficulties this brings. My 13yo DD went through a VERY challenging phase just before and just after my boys were born. Please learn from my mistakes and try not to be too harsh. Be firm but fair. Please try not to feel embarrassed because this breeds resentment and will come out in your parenting.

Your older child is probably doing a few things: Working through (in an unhealthy manner) the experience of being bullied himself. Violence breeds violence. Maybe he would benefit from being "heard" more about that past experience. He needs a better way to vent than what he is doing at the moment. He is also probably getting very ansty about the impending arrival of a sibling (competitor for your attention). The best way of dealing with this is lots of assurance and maybe making sure he has more special time with his dad... (the book "Raising Boys" by Steve Biddolph says that boys of this age are emotionally separating from their mums and desperately require lots of male role models to give the a new direction. Does he have this in his life?

My house is getting quite chaotic now LOL but I hope this will tide you over and assure you that you have no need to feel any more ashamed that what you are feeling. Please don't let this create a wedge between you and your son. Try to 'catch him being good' and let HIM wear the guilt... it's he who has to suffer the consequences for this... if he sees YOU suffering then that little angry person deep inside him who may be resenting your lack of attention now that you are so tired etc with pregnancy could very well (subconsciously) be pleased! Show him that you take the issue seriously and tell him that you are upset for HIM... this has damaged HIS reputation. Show him how to deal with it all in a mature way... show him that it's not the end of the world and that it's worth trying to resolve.

You sound like a great mum BTW Your son will be fine... we ALL get embarrassed by our children's behaviours in some way or another