At my wits end - ds (yr 12 nearly 18)

[Dansta]

I dont understand how he can be knocked back on an apprenticeship due to grades? Was that just one place. When i started mine, grades where never an issue, unless they where the tafe cert. Related to my trade... Id look more into it because that sounds wrong some how

[dinky]

I understand your pain and frustration. I think that the school has some responsibility here too. They should have alerted you a lot earlier than the mid year report! At our school if my DD didn't hand in work on the due date, I would get a sms stating what was due and stating that it wasn't handed in. It gave me the opportunity to get on her to make sure that it was, she managed to get everything in. Our school would tell us if they were in danger of failing and give us options of other things to improve the grades. I know that here in Vic, a lot of the kids aren't actually doing the VCE exams but they still get their certificates.

I think there has to be something that you can do....something that he is interested in. My DD can be extremely lazy too, but I pushed her into doing her work before anything else, she didn't get computer time or anything else unless the work was done first. She has just finished her VCE, who knows what the marks will be like?

Tafe can be an option, but only if he wants to do it, they will not push him to do the work, its pretty much the students responsibility!

Good Luck!!

[Ms_Fi]

I dont understand how he can be knocked back on an apprenticeship due to grades? Was that just one place. When i started mine, grades where never an issue, unless they where the tafe cert. Related to my trade... Id look more into it because that sounds wrong some how

It's not his grades that got him knocked back, but the comments and effort. It's all over his report that he's lazy, disorganised and doesn't put in any effort. With competition so high in the area for apprenticeships he's at the bottom of a very long list and isn't being considered.

I'm furious with the school and their lack of communication - they've really dropped the ball on this one and I'm worried it's too late now to encourage him to keep trying.

[surprised]

It must be so hard to see someone you love so much and believe in not make the choice to live up to their potential.

It's like he doesn't quite get that in life you have responsibilities. Right now his main responsibility is to do his school work. If he doesn't do that then there are very real consequences, like failing school or getting suspended for plagiarism. Like someone said before, perhaps it's time for some tough love. If he doesn't fulfil his responsibilities, he loses privileges. Anything other than food, water, sanitation, clothing and a roof over your head is a privilege. If he doesn't learn this now, he will eventually discover that as an adult even those things aren't guaranteed, and are actually unlikely if you refuse to do your work.

Totally not trying to criticise your parenting here. Just trying t bring a fresh perspective as it can be hard to see things objectively when you're so caught up in it all.

You're obviously a very caring and loving mum. He's lucky to have you on his side xo

[fionas]

My stepdaughter was like this. Would lie to our faces about schoolwork and school attendance. The school wouldn't let her do Year 12 and the Year Coordinator told us that she wouldn't cope with TAFE where you still need to put in the effort and turn up. They basically told us that she was lazy, a drama queen (always wanted to see the school counsellor about something to get out of class) and she needed to seriously grow up. All of which, after a couple of years of pep talks, encouraging conversations, I agreed with.

Despite the fact that she was failing all her subjects, she would tell us she wanted to be a lawyer. Complete lack of reality.

Anyhow, long story short, she went back to the US to live with her mum. Went from bad to worse and it was only when she got put in jail for drink driving that she finally woke up to herself. Her mum got her a place in a school for troubled kids (and really, compared to what some of those kids have had to deal with, her life was fairly simple in comparison). She is nearly about to graduate high school at the age of 21.

Sorry I can't be more encouraging but I guess what I'm trying to say is that sometimes there's only so much you can do with kids and they have to learn the hard way that you only get somewhere in life with hard work.

I would tell him that he can leave school if he lines up a job/something. If he gets sacked, go back to bare basics and take away all internet etc. so there's no incentive to sitting at home.

I would possibly try sending him to a counsellor incase there's something deeper going on.

[fionas]

My stepdaughter was like this. Would lie to our faces about schoolwork and school attendance. The school wouldn't let her do Year 12 and the Year Coordinator told us that she wouldn't cope with TAFE where you still need to put in the effort and turn up. They basically told us that she was lazy, a drama queen (always wanted to see the school counsellor about something to get out of class) and she needed to seriously grow up. All of which, after a couple of years of pep talks, encouraging conversations, I agreed with.

Despite the fact that she was failing all her subjects, she would tell us she wanted to be a lawyer. Complete lack of reality.

Anyhow, long story short, she went back to the US to live with her mum. Went from bad to worse and it was only when she got put in jail for drink driving that she finally woke up to herself. Her mum got her a place in a school for troubled kids (and really, compared to what some of those kids have had to deal with, her life was fairly simple in comparison). She is nearly about to graduate high school at the age of 21.

Sorry I can't be more encouraging but I guess what I'm trying to say is that sometimes there's only so much you can do with kids and they have to learn the hard way that you only get somewhere in life with hard work.

I would tell him that he can leave school if he lines up a job/something. If he gets sacked, go back to bare basics and take away all internet etc. so there's no incentive to sitting at home.

I would possibly try sending him to a counsellor incase there's something deeper going on.

[AliBaby]

I really feel for you. No parent wants to see their child struggling with school and life choices at this crucial times.

Would he be interested in doing a gap year? Could this be motivation to put some effort into work or school? If he works hard or saves a certain amount of money that you can match he could go on a gap year overseas to work. There are lots of resorts (ski, sports, etc) that look for students who are 18 to come and work over there and it might be the atmosphere that he will enjoy before he decides what he wants to do in life. In order to go on the Gap year though, he needs to show that he understands the value of money and save a certain amount towards it and prove that he can put effort in.

Surfing the internet and staying home is not an option. He needs to know that is crystal clear. Cut the internet off and cut his phone off from internet if he thinks you are bluffing.


Sorry I cant be more help.