I would sit DD down privately and tell her all the awesome things about her that you and other people love about her. Discuss how its not nice to do those things to others, and then its not ok for people to do them to her either. Arm her with strategies to avoid those situations (refusing to even take the note from the other girl, taking it and throwing it away without reading it, etc etc) Remind her of what being a friend really means, and remind her of those people who are her real friends. She deserves good friends, not nasty people.
Take this to the teacher and principal too. A stern discussion with the whole class, and school at assembly might also be a great way to empower children to not allow this kind of bullying to occur. A notice in the newsletter is always handy too, as is a poster ont he class doors and in the bus (if thats possible).
I think even if the mother is difficult that you should take it to her. I would be pretty narky if someone had a problem with my child, knew how to find me but still didn't raise the issue with me. As you say, kids will be kids but this sounds like so much more than that. Biting at any age is pretty unacceptable and certainly at 9. If the mother's response and subsequent attitude of the kid isn't good enough then I would definitely take it to the school - don't think it matters that she's a little angel at school but a brat on the way there/home.
Sorry your DD is going through this. I hear things that kids in DD1's kindy class say and it makes me want to sit them all down and give them a talking to. Kids can be so cruel when it suits them.
I would talk to the principle and the bus driver, and hopefully the trouble making girl can be moved to the single seat near the bus driver to remove the problem. It sounds shocking, I would certainly be taking it to the school and the parent if she was approachable, although I understand that this is often not the case. Alternatively is there any other way that you could get her to school?
I would absolutely talk to the mother, i would also be showing her the note and (hopefully you've taken photo's) thebite marks..seriously WTF is that!
I would also be talking to the school as well as the bus driver, that sort of behaviour is dangerous as you said.
End of the day the biting is assault, if it continues I'd be talking to the police ... even just to shake the kid up a bit
Yep, sounds like this has gone way beyond normal kid behaviour, particularly the notes and biting. DD1 has a girl at school who has been causing her grief and I have been speaking to her teacher, who is already aware of the issue. I haven't raised it with the mum because it hasn't gone too far.
Notes and biting are a form of bullying that the school MUST do something about about. Photos and the note need to be taken to their teacher so they can be made aware of it. Schools do have a duty of care for the students from the moment they leave the parents til they return to them, so issues on the bus is a school related issue.
I would suggest raising the issue with the school, see if they are aware of it and find out if they are doing anything about it. If not, ask what will be done, and if you want, ask for a mediated meeting with the other mum, particularly if she is a nasty piece of work herself. That way you have documented proof of what is said in the meeting and it is kept civil.
This way it is being done 'by the book' and the other parent can't complain. With your DD, give her lots of positive encouragement to find other friends who play with her nicely and are always kind to her, not ones that scare her. We are working on that with DD1, and she has made some lovely other friends, but until they swap classes next year, she still has to deal with her.
Even though it is happening on the bus the school has a duty of care to the students until they arrive home so it may be worth talking to them about it
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