thread: The school morning tears... what do you do?

  1. #1
    Registered User

    May 2007

    The school morning tears... what do you do?

    so it has been a big 6 weeks here in our household, with moving and change etc. (not to mention the issues with the school dd originally started at last term if any of you remember).

    Term 2 is here and OMG DD starts screaming and crying around 745 ans is still crying hysterically when i am walking away from her in the school ground whilst being consoled by a teacher.

    I have tried talking to her about her new friends, and what wonderful things she is going to be doing and how big a girl she is etc etc

    but i could still here her screaming MAMA!!!!!! from 100m away in the car park.

    When i pick her up she is happy and has lots of stories to tell but the mornings are dreadful

    what more can i do

  2. #2
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Jul 2008
    Eastern Surburbs, Melbourne

    Many years ago we went through this and in the end matched her up with a year 6 girl who used to walk some of the way with us.
    Does the school have a buddy system? If they do can you ask if her buddy can meet you at the gate or somewhere along the way and walk together. It didn't take long before she was going in by herself with her 'friend'.
    If you drive her, park away from the school so you use the crossings and walk with other families. This helps you to get to know others and for her to join in with the others

    It is hard and many a morning I was in tears or near tears walking back home.

  3. #3
    Registered User

    May 2007

    they have a drop of zone at the school where the kids pull up in the cars and teachers get them out.
    There is a car park but the other children arent allowed out of the play ground once arrived.
    Currently they only go up to year 4 but no buddy system as far as i am aware.
    As for parking further and walking - not at all possible. unfortunately it is a busy part of the city with no parking unless i walked from home

  4. #4
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Jul 2008
    Eastern Surburbs, Melbourne

    What a pain.

    Maybe after school get your DS interested in what she did and make this part of afternoon tea time. Then in the morning make a point of saying you are both looking forward to hearing what she did today while you have afternoon tea together. Maybe for the first few days let her know what your are going to have during this time. This will give her something to look forward to. If she doesn't go to school then don't have this special time.

    These were just some thoughts that came to mind

  5. #5
    Registered User

    May 2007

    thats a really good idea
    yesterday i told her that after she goes to school i wil buy what we need to make cupcakes when she gets home (didnt stop her crying yesterday) but we did make them.

    I find it hard as she doesnt know the other childrens names (mostly she doesnt ask) and has been quite shy and introverted in school this term (this is a new school this term btw) and even when the kids come over to play with her she just walks away...

  6. #6
    Registered User

    Mar 2009

    PP - we've had similiar issues about crying etc. If you ask her what it is that upsets her will she tell you? I had some fab suggestions from BB'ers just after school started. DD1's issue is leaving me and not wanting to go to OSHC on the days I work.
    We found getting used to the daily routine helped - so me running through what to expect each day and having something to focus on in the morning - so Monday is assembly, Tues library, Wed...... I also bribe her with a lunch order once a week and we had a star chart to get a Build a bear at the end of term. She was allowed to wobble a bit but needed to be composed when she went into class. We also had a clear cut routine to say goodbye - so I try to get ready with heaps of time so we aren't rushed out the door as this makes things worse (not always possible). To help this we lay out the next days clothes the night before and pack her school bag with the necessary bits. I also as much of her lunch as possible and keep it in the fridge. Sounds OTT but I really notice when things are rushed that she gets more wound up. On the days I am home we walk and chat, counting the crossings, house numbers etc and this also seems to help.
    I think the biggest thing that has made a difference is that I have organised a heap of play dates too - she didn't know anyone and we have really made a massive effort to get a social network going for both her and us, I have felt like a bit of a stalker and it really has been quite a big effort. We have made some lovely friends as a result and are now very deeply entrenched in school life - I also found lots of other people who were in the same boat. Most people are just so pleased that their kids have friends as well!!! Good luck - it is such a worry but you will get through it. We still have bad days but that's ok. xxx

  7. #7
    Add Rouge on Facebook

    Jun 2003

    Lead by example. Get in and socialise with the mums. They watch us and they do what we do. This is the best advice I can give.

    And invite some kids over for plays.

  8. #8
    Registered User

    May 2007

    THanks Mak and Rouge

    It is hard with the play dates - everyone is in their cars at picked up (althought i have walked a few times this week) so you dont get the sitting the yard waiting for the kids chat.
    She wont ask the kids their names so i cant ask her about 'specific' kids.

    I have been saying, i need you to ask your friends their names so i know who to write on the party invites for your birthday (which is in 6 weeks). and she says just invite everyone!

    Gosh how i wish i would socialise with other mums - apart from what i just wrote, i have gone to a few mothers groups and i am greatly an outsider. I live in a very ethnic suburb, and when i make effort to say hi, i get a smile then every mums so far has turned and talked amongst themselves in their language.

    walking to school this arvo i smiled at 4 mums i passed ready to say hi , not one lifted their head to make eye contact.

    i just dont want her to feel the way i am in this new town - she has noticed she looks different to everyone else and gets upset she cant speak other language most days.

    although this arvo she asked why she cant go to after school care - go figure! its just the mornings that are hard

  9. #9
    Registered User

    Mar 2007

    Can you read a book to the kids some mornings before the bell? Not sure if that's allowed but don't schools encourage parents to participate where possible? Good luck it must be heartbreaking
    And keep talking about exciting things you can do with hereafter the park some days or making cupcakes or having a babycino together.

  10. #10
    Registered User

    Mar 2009

    PP How are things going? x

  11. #11
    BellyBelly Life Member - Love all your MCN friends
    Add Gigi on Facebook

    Jun 2004
    The Festival State

    we're having "isthoos" mainly the other end of the day - bilby doesn't want to leave school - and it's usually ME who feels like crying (worn out from the cajoling, the begging, the encouraging, the reminding, the "ok, one last go on X" - i FINALLY get her out of the school yard (she's walking like a snail) and i get "Muuuuum, i need to go the toilet" - so BACK we go. By the time we get to the car, i am a wreck, just want to bawl. ME not her.

    Sounds like your DD has only been at this new school a few weeks, it does take time to "find your place", especially when the other kids have already had a whole term, to get to know each other, form cliques etc.

    i sympathise with the "feeling on the outer" that you feel, i felt that in a different way, when we started this year, and i realised i was easily 15 years older than most of the parents - the age gap, and also the financial/where you live gap. The ice is slowing thawing, the longer we are there (into 2nd term now). At prep level, the parents are hanging around alot before and after school. i am guessing, as your child gets older/more independent, there is more "drop off kid, parent doesn't come into the school, except if they specifically need to speak to teacher etc) - so there would be less opportunities to engage with other parents.

    A big group is hard to break into, my suggestion is to find smaller groups, or common interest groups at the school.

    My child had half a term of inviting kids to play with her, and they would blank her, or refuse to play - it was heartbreaking. Took me ages to work out, she has quite good communication skills, and they were intimidated by that. She just assumed they didn't like her. Such a relief, that she has kids to play with now (many of them boys, who are not so cliquey to her).

    It's so hard when you're in the thick of it PP, language CAN be quite a barrier, but there are many universals, everybody's child cries, when they fall off the jungle gym, no matter what your language is. Sometimes when there is a baby sibling, and everyone smiles at a cute bub, that is universal too, i think every mum is proud as punch, when people admire their bub. Searching for icebreakers - that's what i did. And i brought crafts with me, that worked as an icebreaker too.

    We're also not doing much on the playdate front, as we live in a dodgy suburb far away from the school. The teacher suggested playdates as a way to make it better too.

    good luck PP.

  12. #12
    Registered User

    May 2007

    hi girls!

    things have improved.
    we have moved dd's bedtime forward to 630 and it has made a huge difference! she wakes around 630 but t gives her time to wake up , watch a little tv, have breaky and dress without the stress of being late.

    she has been making some little friends, a couple of boys adore her and she likes playing with them(which is a huge difference as the last school we left she cried if she had to be near a boy because of the bullying).

    still not met any mums, but i am going to try help out at the mothers day mass/stall tomorrow (although i am sick as a dog right now) and socialise


  13. #13
    Registered User

    Mar 2009

    Great to hear things are improving! I hope you find some company as well. xx