Deciding to overcome and defeat anxiety or depression... without meds.

[BellyBelly]

Having had PND in the past, as well as mild anxiety (which I never really took much notice of, all I could focus on was the depression) I was never really aware what anxiety was and that I had it. I assumed it was being nervous or unsettled about things (and I justified it with I was a new mother, who wouldn't feel like that!), until I got a big dose of it this year. I suddenly realised what anxiety sufferers were going through and I didn't like it. Such a shock.

I chose not to go onto medication, I didn't want to be stuck on a cycle of drugs for so long when I knew I could just end up back on them later, not to mention side effects. Its only a bandaid fix, it doesn't give you the tools or development to overcome it for once and all. Even a psychologist admitted to me (and what I have also read online) is that CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) which is commonly used for anxiety and depression, often works well while you are in therapy but has a high relapse rate when people stop. It's just not helping the amount of people we believe it is.

I've helped myself a huge amount by doing something different, taking control and educating myself (as I tend to do lol). As I mentioned above, I strongly didn't want to go on meds even though I was fiercely tempted several times as I couldn't stand the feelings when it was at its worst, but it passed. Here's what I have been doing, and I hope it will help you guys too - because medication is not the answer for permanent change - you are the answer. Some people do need meds if they are in a serious state, but actually being in situations of anxiety give you an opportunity to overcome it by changing the neural pathways in your brain, relating feelings and emotions to certain situations.

Here's what I did in no particular order, they all helped!

1. Found a great naturopath. Nicole Tracy (from the BB Centre) put me on some potent and heavy duty herbs and flower essences. Because I wasn't going on meds, she could give me a wider range of herbs, but there are also some if you are on or think you may go on meds. Kava is the strongest herb you can get for anxiety is and probably the best one for it. If you have panic attacks this could help you too. Also I went to my GP (on Nicole's recommendation) about my energy levels and tiredness and after a blood test found out I had chronically low iron again - it was at 7 - when they love you to be around 50. When you're 30, they tell you you're getting low... so I was able to work on this as well which will no doubt be a huge help. If you feel too tired, it's a great idea to check your iron levels too. Many pregnant women have low iron in pregnancy and you can also have issues afterwards.

2. Learnt about mindfulness. I have posted about this before, but it's been a major part of hugely reducing my anxiety and being a tool to rewire those neural pathways - re-associating those anxious situations into okay ones. It's very effective with treating anxiety, and also depression. I have posted an article here which is a must-read. There is also a great book, 'The Power of Now' by Eckhart Tolle, which is on Oprah's booklist. Mindfulness as a concept came to Byron Katie in her lowest moment of her life (agoraphobic, alcoholic, overweight, depressed). She sees it as her job to teach people how to end their own suffering. Many psychologists and health professionals are now embracing and teaching this a great deal due to its profound success. Check out her site and you can see her stuff on the web and youtube to get some ideas. Hopefully this YouTube link will work!

3. A good psychologist. My psych does MBCT: Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy. She keeps me accountable and on track learning about this. She challenges me which is hard, but important. I was interested in her approach which different from the CBT everyone else does ... and with little long term success. Even my GP knew about mindfulness. So if you find a professional to help you, see if they know about mindfulness. If anyone in Melbourne would like her info send me an email or message.

4. Read some great books to further help develop my brain and understanding of what's going on. I read Heal Your Wounds by Lise Bourbeau (to find out where my pain came from, how it effects me and others around me as well as how to move through it), Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus (great stuff about women and the way we work, not just men) and Passionate Marriage by David Snarch (the pioneering book on human intimate relationships which is as much if not more about yourself as it is your partner/close friends). I read affirmations and quotes from inspiring people daily, I have watched the Secret again a few times too as well as What The Bleep. I also have a few books here ready to read which I can't wait to get my teeth into. While its not made my anxiety go away instantly, I have more peace, hope and acceptance with that and my life, and when I read something great I have a real boost for days or even the week. Apparently this book is very good too, and is based on clinically proven ways to prevent depression reoccurrence, but I have not read it yet: The Mindful Way through Depression by Mark Williams, John Teasdale, Zindel Segal and Jon Kabat-Zinn.

5. Byron Katie's 'The Work'. HUGE, HUGE, HUGE. This woman is incredible, she's been on Oprah and helps people overcome loaded emotions associated with loss, anxiety, cancer, depression, relationship issues, childhood issues - very quickly and easily. All of her worksheets are on her website and there are free YouTube clips everywhere. Her website is http://www.thework.com. Here is her YouTube channel. Also she has released a movie you can download for $9.99 HERE. She makes her money from her workshops and books - so there is no catch to all this - loads of her stuff is on her site already. I recommend studying the heck out of this work and watching the clips to see it in action and even get a book or the movie... it is THAT profound.

6. Women need other women. I've posted this somewhere before, but one big thing I got out of 'Men are From Mars...' was that women need oxytocin to feel good, to lower stress in their brain. Loaded stress = low oxytocin. We get loaded with oxytocin from nurturing activities, especially talking... with our female friends, even our partner... but ideally women because men don't often know how women need to be heard - they aren't built like us and need to know how to listen and respond. So if you don't have some close girlfriends, step out of your comfort zone and get to know some women. Regularly go out together, if you have kids, take them to playcentres... it's stuff women need. Choose someone who is a good listener and attentive - not so you can blast their ears off but you need to be heard and you need to hear them too to get a good dose of oxytocin.

7. Exercise. I have been slack over Christmas, but it makes a huge difference to walk everyday. Even if it's just half an hour, ideally an hour... but it helps. iPod up nice and loud with my fave tunes Just to update this, I started at the gym 6-7 weeks ago and its made a massive difference. I feel better, look better, people are commenting, and my moods are great! Energy is much better which I think is a huge thing - tiredness when you're depressed or anxious can make things much worse for me. Meltdowns come much quicker.

8. Learning About Differentiation (Holding on to yourself). This is a BIG one and is in the books by David Snarch (Passionate Marriage). Everyone needs to learn this skill, and it's especially important if you have anxiety or depression. I posted some basic info on it HERE.

Remember... you are not your anxiety. It's not who you are. I have days where I get angry that it's not fair I have it and it was caused by a particular situation which came about from someone in my life. But that's just all so what. I need to fix it so I can live a better life, and permanently resolve past issues which trigger this anxiety here and now. Medications can't fix it... but I know I can... I have to! Who wants to live like that or be dependent on medication? Don't just take a 'magic' pill and hope... use this experience to make some life change and a pathway to inner peace, with tools that you can have for the rest of your life.