So glad to help It just triggers a memory in my mind, of a woman who saw a psychologist I knew from the mother and baby unit where I was first put on meds with PND 8 years ago. He said she was finally referred to seeing him after 20 years of her GP just writing her a script for more meds... and the psych said that it's no wonder when she had so much horrible stuff she was keeping buried under the meds that weren't being dealt with as a result. There's been stories of this sort of thing on TV too, mums losing years of their lives, numbed up with meds. We can't rely on meds, we can't rely on psych alone... we need to do the hard work ourselves. And I know from the depths of my heart, realising the answer is YOU and that hard work is required... that there is no magic fix, can be heartbreaking. Being able to confront yourself about this evades some people but when you can courageously do it, when your journey is ready to switch paths, it truly is a wonderful one. You just have to remind yourself how much you want inner peace and to be and loving life.

I don't want to waste 20 years like that woman and I am sure no-one else does too, but it's all we know how to deal with it and how we've been programmed in the media/medical profession. Depression/anxiety = don't be a hero, get meds. And again of course some people actually do need this where safety is involved and the symptoms are severe. I am not condemning the use of meds in these cases at all. But if you are on meds and not experiencing this anxiety, how are you supposed to successfully reprogram your brain? Again when it's safe to do so.

I want to find my own solution and end it all. Life is way too short, I will only regret it if I don't take charge. I don't want to look back and wish I had done something sooner, especially with young children growing up. You want to remember those years well and wonderfully.

With the mindfulness stuff - the book 'The Power of Now' explains it, Byron Katie explains how to put it into action - use the two together for the best result. If you get stuck or have questions, please ask away. Maybe I can start a thread for others interested in keeping each other motivated and supported while they try these things I mentioned.