In saying that, we are on great terms with the Ex and her DF (we spend Christmas mornings together etc) so I think if the relationship was strained it would be difficult to sustain.
Communication is the key - you both need to be able to talk through issues calmly and rationally, always keeping what's best for the kids in mind. It does sometimes require sacrifice and putting aside your own ego (and your ex being able to do the same).
If you're not involving judges and can agree on arrangements between yourselves, maybe try weekends to begin with or shorter periods? You haven't mentioned how old your kids are, but for littler kids it may be easier to start with short periods and build up. Older kids can more easily let you know what they think and involve in the discussions as much as you feel appropriate.
Be prepared for the kids to start acting up as they get used to the new arrangements as well. Make sure both you and your ex have agreed methods of discipline and are consistent - kids work out how to play one against the other remarkably quickly.
Cranky Kitten, we've been split up for 2 years and have always done every weds and every second weekend, so all it'll involve is them going to him an extra 3 nights a fortnight...they will be 10, 8 and 4 when/if we do it.
so it works for some and not for others...it's hard to know what to do...I feel like i'm trying to make everyone happy except myself
Stoked...can you go into a little more detail (if you don't mind that is)?
Dr McIntosh is a child psychologist and has done a lot of work and research on the effects of divorce/separation and shared care on children. She used to advocate for shared care but changed her mind pretty drastically after she observed the effects on young children.
Dr McIntosh provides some ideas for when shared care might work, and when it definitely won't. For some families it works very well - usually not those families who end up fighting in Court.
My brother and his ex have shared care with their daughter, which works quite well for them. They have had to make a few sacrifices though, my brother would like to move back to Perth but is staying in Brisbane so he can stick to their arrangement.
Have your kids given any indication of what they'd prefer?
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