Advice Please

[caleem]

How do you know when its time to get out...... I have 3 kids under 6 and am a stay at home mum, we fight over the smallest things, i couldnt exactly call it a fight as its one way.... I just take it and walk away for the sake of the kids, cause god forbid i argue back he loses it, screams, punches walls, swears and starts throwing things.... and this is something i dont want my kids to witness, especially the 6 year old.....It is like constantly walking on egg shells with him, if the kids are to loud he screams and sometimes takes it too far in disciplining the kids.... I sometimes feel like i cant protect my kids, cause if i intervene he will just keep on going......

He is physically home at night, doesnt gamble, drink do drugs etc, and feel in a sense i should be happy.... but he does nothing but play world of warcraft at night, if the kids try to rumble he gets angry, angry angry angry..... he doesnt help with homework, housework or nothing, I cant pass the baby to him for "me" time cause he'll just put the baby on the floor, hold the bottle in one hand and play with the other.... to him its a burden..... I cant talk to him at all..... I have talked to my mother in law about him.... and she understands what i am saying as apparently my father in law was similar.... according to her it gets better..... but with her "he" was never home as with my husband he's home but gets angry and aggressive.....

Deep down I feel like I should leave but dont know how...... I have no savings as not having a job..... My parents live overseas, im the only child and couldnt possibly move in with the inlaws..... (dont want to burden friends).... I tell my self if i win a little bit of money from lotto (keep dreaming) it will help get me started to find a place.... I dont want to tell my husband I want to leave cause i think he will tell me to get out straight away..... I couldnt stay at my home as i cant pay the mortgage and we dont have any equity to split...... How do you guys do it, knowing it is time to go, and then setting up a place.....

sorry that it doesnt all make sense, my mind is just going a hundred miles

[Hollybolly]

Oh Hun, you poor thing... big big hugs to you

Can I just start by saying that if you've posted to say you're over it, then you don't need to ask when do you know when its time to go... sweetie, its time to go

After reading through your post, I think you need to put yourself, and your precious little ones first - yes, your DH may be home at night, but thats not everything

What you've described is just not healthy for anyone to be around - let alone little ones... and they're YOUR little ones xxx
Without running the risk of stepping over the boundaries here, you need to remember that little people are like sponges - if your children see enough of how your DH behaves over a long enough period of time, they will only start to live as though this is normal behaviour - and in turn may eventually end up becoming the same way
Remember that you are constantly shaping your childrens future, and although there are many horrible, unfortunate things that we CAN'T help in regards to raising them, if there is something nasty that we can avoid then we should.

I know my post may be harsh, but I think you deserve so much better - put yourself first, and in turn, you are putting your children first... a happy mum is a good one

I was lucky in the fact that when I left my ex DH, I had my brother to turn to and moved in with him for 6 months before I got my own place... but I am sure you will have some opportunities present themselves if you are open to receiving them xxx

Do you have any close friends that you can turn to - even initially so you have a little bit of a plan in place before you bring it up with your husband (Just in case he tells you to leave straight away as you think he might)?

I wish you all the very best in this huge decision... but keep reminding yourself to trust your instinct and always put yourself first hun - you only deserve the very best... and anything less than that is just not good enough xxx

[Chocaholic]

I suggest you contact your Domestic/Family Violence service. They are in the local Yellow Pages and it is a freecall number. To me (from what you have posted), it sounds like he is emotionally and verbally abusive so you need some support. They may be able to help with short-term accommodation if you have nowhere else to go.

Regarding finances, I am assuming you are an Australian citizen or permanent resident. Contact Centrelink and ask what support you can receive.

From the sound of it, you have pretty much made your decision. I believe it is better to deal with the situation early, otherwise you run the risk that your children will start to display the same behaviour and that will bring a whole NEW set of problems.

Good luck

[AnyDream]

Living in constant fear of an outbreak is a sign of domestic violence. It is time to leave! Gather some information, make a plan, and go. If you're in Australia, there should be a women's information line you can ring for information about support services for women in your situation. You can find it under "Women" in the government section of your white pages. They will take you very seriously when you describe your husband's abusive behaviour. There may be a social worker or a counsellor who you can talk through your feelings, to help you with making your decision. I know you're scared of making a change but it will be worth it - for you and for your kids. Good luck.

[Lulu]

How are things going? Are you still around?

Im sorry I didnt see this any earlier, there are numbers you can call and $$$ available should you need them....