Can he do this?

[Marlene]

He talks too much, and he talks crapola too.

I agree with Lulu....he's talking shiat!! There is no way a judge would make you follow him just because he is thinking of his career instead of his children!

[Marlene]

Ok, have to add more after reading through all the posts properly....please, please, please keep a copy of ALL the textx and emails that he has sent you...I know others have already said this, but I can't stress how important this is!! And just as important...don't reply to his texts or emails anymore...and if you feel you have to be VERY careful how you word them!
Good luck with this hun, and I hope it all works out for you. When I read posts like yours I am soooo glad that my XH has nothing to do with my girls!

ETA: I would think that the courts would actually approve of the "notes" that your XH is holding for ransom. The notes show that you are working through your issues by writing them down and trying to relieve your stress in other ways...better to write down your thoughts than take it out on the kids....don't let him bully you with those notes....tell him to go ahead and show them to the court!! You need to show him that you are NOT scared of him.

[Inertia]

Ok, excuse me while I LOL here, but if all he has is a note that says "I yell too much", then he has absolutely nothing. Every parent in the history of the world has yelled at their kids. For some parents, "too much" could be once a month. They have much bigger fish to fry - and he knows it. Don't let that stress you.

Your anxiety is being properly managed, and has never caused anyone with medical experience cause for concern in regards to you being the primary care giver of your children. I think they will take a nice expert opinion over that of a ex-partner (who has ulterior motives) so just get a nice referral regarding the proper management and risk assessment from the treating doctor and keep it aside just in case it raises any questions.

Apart from that, there isnt a chance in hell a judge is going to agree that you have to follow him. If he chooses to leave the immediate area, then that is his damage. If the kids are happy at school and care and have a stable home with their needs met, he will not order major upheval to that. He can certainly TRY what he is trying - it does not mean it is going to be successful - and I am pretty certain based on the way you describe him (sounds just like my ex) he knows it for a fact, and is simply trying to manipulate you to get his own way. He is about to lose control of you and the situation, and when that happens, they start making huge mistakes. So keep records. Don't stoop to his level. Stay strong and play fair. He'll dig his own hole. They always do.

[Lulu]

And thing is with these notes - it would be clear you wrote them to try to manage your stress ffs! Even if there were notes that said for eg "I can't cope with this", it would STILL indicate you recognising stress and taking steps to get over the problem.
I wouldn't feel comfortable with things I'd written privately to myself in times of stress potentially being on show to others - buit I think it will go in your favour that he is trying to discredit you for his OWN benefit. So HA HA to him.

[Melby]

I am back from the solicitor, and she basically said the same sort of thing that you have all been saying, and it was very reassuring. Of course she emphasised that nothing is a sure thing in family law, but she totally brushed off the whole mental illness angle and said "for heaven's sake, 1 in 4 Australians suffer from a mental illness". She emphasised the taking of notes, keeping emails and messages etc. and said he will gain nothing by trying to sling mud in a court room. She also said that if he even just moves as far as Parramatta (about 30 minutes drive with no traffic problems) then I would be seen by anyone as extremely generous (and probably too much so) if I let him still go 50/50 and be putting the girls through all that car travel every second week. It's also very unlikely that I would be the one with less than 50% of the time if he is the one moving away, especially with me being the mother of two very young girls, and with the resulting upheaval of moving schools, moving away from friends, established activities etc.

She gave me the option of having her write him a letter now, making an offer to settle, and she said often people will back down when faced with a letter from the ex's solicitor. Or she said just to keep going down the path I am going, and wait for the FDR process to play out and come and see her whether or not we end up with a parenting plan at the end of it (if he even attends).

So since I got the reassurance that I needed that really, things were in my favour, and especially that he can't do a single thing to have my kids legally removed from my care pending the process playing out, I opted just to keep going with the FDR. I will keep but not respond to his emails and messages, and take better notes on what happens when. She also suggested that I come up with my proposals for care should he move either to Parramatta or beyond, so that I know what my desired outcomes are in FDR - I already have a really detailed document showing what I want out of a week-about arrangement, but that was on the presumption that no move was imminent.

Thanks again for all your advice. I think I'm gonna need you guys........

Melby

[chrysalis]

Hi Melby,
Great to see you got some good advice.
Personally I would probably wait to see whether he actually is serious about the move etc and what his properly thought out proposals are about the move rather than front foot with an offer to him about that part of it all. After all, he is the one who wants to move.
I agree however you do need to think about what you want and about all of the logistical things which will be associated with a change so that you are not caught out like a rabbit in the headlights down the track. At least if If you have an idea in your mind you may be able to minimise your anxiety about it in the meantime.
Definitely a good idea not to engage him in a dialogue by responding to his texts or emails in the meantime. Let him shoot himself in the foot!
Good luck.
Belinda.

[stacey83]

Just know a lot of women go through depression and anxiety and stress, your not a nutcase just because this has happened to you...its a stage i think most women go through... especially after having babies and trying to maintain a happy healthy family, life is not easy!! It's hard work!!

Go easy on yourself hun... i hope it works out for you... i think it will..just stay strong! Keep us updated!

hugs*

[kelebek]

Melby,

I am glad you have seeked legal advice. I did want to add that I think the way he is holding the notes you wrote over your head are another example of his abusive nature so I really do think it will blow up in his face.
Are you comfortable him having the 50/50? would you rather have them more but he just has you convinced you wouldn't get them more? Just something to consider especially with what your lawyer said about moving etc....

Goodluck

[Footsteps]

huge hugs melby...let him hang himself, he will you know it...just enjoy spending time with your babies...stuff him...hes only trying to bully you hun...
youv got us all here whenever you need.
lots of love rach xxxxx

[jakodai]

I know this is a little redundant now, but I just wanted to post this news article that I read today on news.com.au.

Basically a family moved to a remote mining area for the father's / husband's work, and then they separated. The mother / wife wanted to moved back to their home town where they'd spent most of the children's life but the court ordered that if she wanted to move, she wouldn't get full custody.

I'm not entirely sure how it relates to your personal circumstances, and you've already been given great advice by people a whole lot more knowledgable than myself, but something like this might make you feel a little bit better when you really need it?

Family Court forces mum to stay in isolated town after split | National News | News.com.au