wow, thanks for all the replies.

I am doing some of the moneysaving ideas already (opshopping, i repair clothing by handsewing, freecycle, ebay, gumtree, stock up on basics when they are on special. No cable tv, don't hire dvd's, ). Before i left X, i was a big library user, but since leaving X, i have been too upset/busy/unable to concentrate to read a novel. when things improve, i'll go back to the library (wherever we're living).

Planning to do some vegie growing in styrofoam boxes, buying the potting soil has put me off ($$$). the soil here is rubbish, needs alot of organic matter to get it "happy" again. I've transformed awful dead soils, to healthy black loam full of worms - but it takes me about three years to do it (constantly adding organic matter, sheet mulching). i could do that here, but i don't think me and bilby will be here in three years time. i really hope we aren't. the foundries in this neighbourhood spew out so much air pollution, i'm not sure vegies would grow that happily here anyhoo. First place i've lived where i'm so reliant on eyedrops (my eyes are irritated by the air pollution, just walking from back door to get in my car).

I have felt too upset/overwhelmed to get into the baking of muffins etc, but when life goes more smoothly, that is the sort of thing i start doing again - on a small scale compared to how you are doing it Bec293.

Meal planning is an area that interests me (healthy, economical), but for many reasons, i don't understand the nuts and bolts of how to make it happen. My supermarket shopping is haphazard which i know is bad, and i read that people who do the meal planning for real, do very planned supermarket shops - and thereby shop wisely. i feel so lost about the whole "meal planning" stuff.

i'm doing one of the worst things multiple times per week, bilby is such a fussy eater, i feel like she holds me to ransom every single mealtime, and in desperation i give her individual quiches from the Coles deli section ($2.60 each) a few times per week. if i'm lucky, she will eat half. She refuses to eat my home made versions (i and other adults eat this happily, mine are actually edible). So that's prepared food i buy her on a regular basis, so i know she is actually eating a meal for a change, and it's got eggs, cheese etc. i feel guilty each time, not knowing what else i can do. Bribery doesn't work, she just is not interested in food.

When i was looking for somewhere to live, one of my criteria was to live close to public transport, near to services e.g GP, shops,etc - to save petrol, have a plan b if my car died/i could no longer afford to run a car. Where i am now, i am two blocks from a bus that goes into the city (i have no need to go into the city). but no public transport to get to bilby's childcare, future school, her GP, her dad's etc. I can walk to a very exxy supermarket (type of shop that is more like a 7day deli price wise, rather than an everyday place to shop. Such a small range, no clearance racks like the bigger supermarkets have). but once i get in my car and drive 10 mins away, the supermarkets are so much better, cheaper and have more stuff on sale, marked down etc. i think it sucks that a supermarket in a low socio economic area, is actually dearer, than supermarkets in a slightly better economic area.

Once i get the budget details back, i will not be surprised, if my car expenses aren't the biggest part of the budget.

Last year when i asked HT for help with paying bond (for private rental) they told me they wouldn't unless i found rent that was 35% or under, of my income. and because $250 rent per week is more than 50%, then they woudln't help me. There is only one guy on the counter at Modbury, maybe i should try other HT offices, to see if i get a different answer.

the thing is, i could see their point. If i get a rental, that is 50% of my income, well rents go up much more than CL income does. so i thought to myself, yeh, they might be trying to save me, from being on a rent that's eventually 70% of my income or something drastic like that.

Bec, i might PM you about where you can get decent accom for $190, cos i'd love to know about that. When i was shopping for accomodation, looking at the private rent ads everyday, often teh cheapest rents were in areas i knew nothing about. So hard to make big decisions, based on zero info.

Today, i re-did bilby's curtain, bought a 2m curtain rod, more rings, so i could make it look nicer. I'm sure it was purely psychological, but after i had rehung the (opshop) curtains, it did look nicer and she was happy when she saw it. I NEED to know i'm making things better for her, in SOME way. Her window is not big, i know she doesn't like having so little light in her room, and i'm always nervous cos the window is so close to the footpath, and i'm terrified of some drugcrazed idiot carrying on when she's in the room awake. I've been so lucky, so far, she's either been asleep, at x's, or at childcare when it's happened. i don't expect that luck to hold out forever.
i also fear men from the hostels, looking in her window, when she's getting changed, or running around just in a fairy skirt, cos she's 4 and thinks just wearing a fairy skirt is a fun thing to do when it's hot. I have a lace curtain at the window, but sometimes she puts the main light on. (in the day). she is so trusting, i can't tell her WHY i'm so scared. She would run out to the letterbox just in her undies if i let her, she has no idea, let alone, about the drugged up people who are around us literally on our corner. i am scared for her to be outside in the front yard. If she is singing and carrying on near the gate when i'm trying to get us in the car to go out, i'm scared people walking past will hear her, i don' twant the druggies to know there is a child living here.

i'[m so glad she wasn't here to see the broken bottle after NYE thrown inside our gate, i'm so glad she wasn't here to see the two druggies menacing me, demanding a car ride to the nearest chemist, to get their "done". I'm so glad she wasn'[t here to see the guys thump my auntie's car roof (with us inside). I'm so glad she is a heavy sleeper, when the screaming and fighting goes on outisde our windows, so close to where we are.

i'm on high alert, she picks up on my anxiety. she talks of "the bad men" and "the naughty people". She was upset by the gang tags on our gate and fence a few days ago.

i find it hard to put on a brave face, pretend everything is fine, when i have to see X (pickup and dropoffs).
SHe is so happy and relieved to go there (he is not on high alert, it is safe there, she is allowed to go to the front letterbox there, no-one can see in her bedroom window, she has lots of light.