Crappy Situation With Unborn Baby's Father Already (VENT/HELP)

[Gigi]

took me five years to conceive, older than you, and i took to heart, that some women miscarry. So i took great trouble about my personal safety, even in public places. One wrong knock, a fall, i didn't want to take risks. So i say this, in the context of your - um - i am not sure what to call him - your X? - well he physically pushed you.

i would encourage you - if you want to have counselling/talking - any contact with him, make it in a very safe environment, especially with a 3rd party - anything so that you protect the little life growing inside you. Because if he happens to get nasty again, and physical with you again, it would be terrible to think of a potential miscarriage situation.

i was pregnant at the age my own mother was menopausal, so i consider my DD to be a miracle too.

Feeling like you only have one shot at being a mother, did make me over cautious, but my DD is alive, so it was worth it.

It sounds to me like you want your baby very very much, so i say all this to you, because i want your dream to come true. I don't know you, but you express how i felt, that having a baby was (and is) very important to me too.

have a healthy and happy pregnancy.

make it child focussed.

if YOU might agree to something (e.g seeing the father to talk), think about "how can this be achieved, with the baby's safety, the first priority".

it's so easy, to "put everybody else first" (e.g the daddy), if you can't put your own safety first, put the baby's safety first.

[emc2]

thanks Mummytee

It is a very similar situation. Rather than go into more about my situation, well I wish I had done this during my pregnancy, but I cancelled the appointment as it was a very hot day in summer. I went to the appointment with the DV counsellor at Relationships Australia today. She was brilliant, and she went through the scenarios with me and just how to cover things for the future.

I suppose my scenario is a little different in that, the father does want to know and be involved with his son, so I have to set very clear boundaries, which I have been doing, but to keep it up, but also to cover things for the future. She suggested I keep a daily or weekly log/diary of any interesting behaviour from my ex. eg showing up for visit obviously intoxicated, dropping in without notice etc. Then if things do ever go to court, there's evidence there.

Every DV scenario is different, oh the good thing is there's oodles of free services and emotional, financial, verbal abuse is well recognised in 2011. You might get the odd service asking "but does he hit you" but on the whole it's well recognised that often emotional/verbal can escalate to physical so it is finally acknowledged that it is just as bad iykwim.

Sorry this is very broad advice, I like to respond to the OP but also just put general advice up for anyone who may need help about anything on forums.

[bec293]

I have to agree with the previous replies, I think you and your baby will be better off without someone like this in your lives. Don't be scared of being a single mum. My sons father does not have anything to do with any part of our lives. Never has, never will. I don't get child support (he is overseas and mostly unreachable), I have sent him photos of his son but since I found out I was pregnant all I have gotten from him is one text message (my bub is almost 9 months old now). But I am happy, my baby will grow up without a father but he gets more than enough love from me. You will be fine, it is very scary at times being pregnant alone, wondering what your life will be like when your baby is born.. I know that feeling very well but just try to look at the positives and do what is in the best interest for you and your baby.

[MummyTee]

Gigi, thanks for that advice, I will take it on board as I hadn’t thought of some of that stuff. I have/am and will always put bubs first and want to be a good mummy.

EMC2, very interesting. Thank you for that. I will look into those services. Everyone has testing time I guess so we can then help others in the same position.

Bec293: I know you are right, sounds like we are both better off!! And bubs too.

Sounds like I’m in great company as a single mum. Kudos. x