I've only just seen this... I am sorry you are feeling so conflicted. This is a difficult time.

A marriage/relationship breakdown especially when you have children is one of the most difficult things. I believe you have to do it one day at a time. Be grateful for the roof over your head, chubby little fingers, friends, the trees, everything that there is to be grateful for. Try & wade into the pool that seems really dark and deep with courage & resignation that this is for you to grow & learn. That's why we are here - to grow. You are being given the gift of that right now. Even though it all seems so tough.

I personally like being on my own. I don't need a man & frankly right now don't want one. I think it's a really important thing for all women (& men ) to learn to be okay alone. To have a healthy relationship with anyone - especially a sexual partnership (marriage/live in/ whatever!) you need to be a whole person. If you have some bits missing you cannot fill them up with another person. You need to get to the stage where you are hunky all alone. That you smile, laugh, holiday, mow, paint whatever alone. There is immense satisfaction in sighing at the end of the day & knowing you completed that day in a whole way.

A man (or woman), a partner is to enhance our life not to stop the lonliness. I can honestly say I have never been more lonely than when I was married.

You can do this sweetheart. A foot in front of the other. Somedays you will fall in a heap on the kitchen floor and cry - other days you will shout to the sky... But you will do it.

Remember you are right where you are meant to be right now. You are doing just what you're meant to be. Make the most of it. Get counselling, read lots of books, do courses. You will emerge a better, different version of you. That's all part of your journey... Good luck!