My rule of thumb is about progress. If there's some progress, no matter how slow then that is a sign of hope and motivation to keep trying. If there's no progress then really there's little cause for hope. I must say that the things he's asking you to do such as not going out and/or seeing friends seem very unreasonable on face value.

DP and I have issues too but we make progress, hence we're still together. Sometimes our problems seem insurmountable and sometimes one of us loses hope but luckily never at the same time.

It's really hard Starfish. I do think though that sometimes people have to confront the reality of losing what they have before they actually put the work in to the relationship. Maybe he needs that wake-up call.