Oh Starfish, I'm sorry he's being such a pr!ck.
Is it feasible for you to make the move? It's not fair of him to hold you to ransom and own all this power, can you at least tell him to just get on with it? It can't be worse than what you're dealing with, can it? It doesn't sound like he's doing you any favors by sticking around.
But that said, I don't know how you're set up financially or support wise.
I really hope you're ok. Please don't let him into your head, you are better than this and you (and dd) deserve so much more.
Big hugs x