DH and I have only been seperated for two weeks. And i feel like i am going insane. I hardly see other adults. And in the evenings when the kids are in bed its so quiet. Also the jumping at every little noise! lol. I HATE being home alone..... now i have no choice.
I dont really have alot of support except for one friend. Everyone offered support to me, then as soon as DH moved out i didnt hear from them again. So other than chatting to this mate on msn, i am pretty isolated.
So how long did it take for you to adjust? And did you do anything in particular to get used to it. I am hanging out for a decent sleep
It has been 10 weeks since my husband died and it is easier in some ways (we have found a groove of sorts) but I still hate the loneliness and the lack of adult contact each and every day. I have lots of support but it still makes no difference when you are on your own late in the evening.
As for sleep - I have taken the path of least resistance. Our children were never *good* sleepers before their Daddy died and needed comforting to go to sleep. He was the main night time routine parent due to me working evenings. They still need settling but I have decided a later bedtime for everyone is better for us than me spending many hours fighting with them to get them to sleep. So we are all awake ATM but both of them are now tired and should both be asleep within minutes of us all going to bed together. I am taking the anthropology viewpoint of many societies (looking for justification wherever I can find it ) where there is no such thing as a bedtime and they go to sleep when they are tired. It is working so far and we are all getting more sleep and more rest - critical for me with 5 weeks of a pregnancy left to go. Consequently, I have very little quiet time alone of an evening but I am ok with that.
You find your own groove. For me it was co sleeping DS, running off his self appointed schedule and making an effort with everyone else and hoping theyd reciprocate. It gets easier babe just hang in there
I'm not single atm, but DH & I have been pretty on & off over the past 2 years. Even when things are ok, he mostly works away, so I'm home alone alot.
TBH, I now crave the alone time. I love having the bed to myself, having DS in there... we co sleep full time when DH isn't here, & being able to have the older kids in bed with me if they are sick or something. Makes my life a bit easier.
My MIL got past the noise thing by sleeping with the TV on all night. Even now she has been married for 18 years she still can't sleep with the TV off. I got a dog, but only coz that was possible for me. Having her in the backyard & knowing she'll bark is enough to make me feel safe. I also sleep with the phone & my mobile beside my bed. I used to shut the back half of the house up too. The half with all our bedrooms. The smaller area made me feel safer.
Take your kids to the park & down for hot chips at the local cafe & just get out of the house. You might not get much adult conversation, but getting out of the house just for an hour or so every day helps you forget that you are lonely
After a while youll start meeting other mum's. It might be a while before you have a heap of people to hang out with all the time, but you will. I have a good friend I either see or talk to on the phone every day, then we have a bigger group of friends & we all go down to the club with all the kids (at least 10 all up!) for the weekly meat raffles. Or we'll meet for coffee or something. Avon parties etc. We all have kids & all have more than one, so we are all in the same boat. Not many of us get to go out partying, lol.
Just give yourself some time. Enjoy just being able to concentrate on you & your babies. You can put in so much more time with them when they are the only ones your thinking about. & when that crappy relationship is out of the way, you are happier with them & more patient, as well as having loads of time to keep the house clean! lol.
It will get easier
Early days of separation can be so weird. Friends get weird, you FEEL weird and without all the hours of fighting you have alot more time on your hands .
I've been single for a looong time, I have no idea what I did before the internet was invented. Ran up huge phone bills I think!
I sleep with the telly on too, often I go for ages without worry about being alone in the house, then I have a few weeks of jitters, then it's all good.
I blog in the evenings too.
With the friends - you might have to start reaching out yourself for some company. As I said before people can get weird at the start, but if you call them instead of waiting for support you can begin getting your new life and routine sorted a little quicker.
It was definitely weird at the beginning. You know when I was married, I couldn't understand why my XH had all these great friends and I had hardly any. Since we've been seperated (nearly two years) people I already knew have come forward to be some of the most important people in my life, my best friends.
I don't miind evenings, never really did. I have the TV, the computer, movies...it's relaxing. WRT the loneliness and feeling empty, I started feeling grateful and keeping a gratitude journal. Now it's hard to understand if you dont really feel it. To be honest I didn't when I started. I would write down "i'm grateful for the kids blah, blah, blah" and not really feel it. But then it just kicked in and now I feel grateful for everything. It makes the world a lot less of a lonely place when you realise that the life you have is pretty darn amazing, whatever it is.
As for the sleep thing...Co Sleep If it works for you, but I think it's probably saved most of our lives mant times over!
GL hun, it does get easier I promise. My life is a million times better now and I actually feel like i'm living my life, my way. Not somebody else way. And that's the way things are supposed to be xxx
How did you move past the overwhelming loneliness
Reply With Quote
) where there is no such thing as a bedtime and they go to sleep when they are tired. It is working so far and we are all getting more sleep and more rest - critical for me with 5 weeks of a pregnancy left to go. Consequently, I have very little quiet time alone of an evening but I am ok with that.
.
Bookmarks