Thanks everyone for your concern. it made me feel better to write it all down. i'm looking for some help i can get around the sunshine coast like groups or associations. 4 more anyway and i'll be with my little princess!! this is all i need to focus on now. I haven't told the situation to my family, it's too hard, and I don't want to make them worry. we're so far from each other, they would feel too bad not being able to be there with me and I love them so much, i just want to spare them the pain.. I'll go through it. thanks a lot to all of you xxxxxxxxxx