Lost, lonely and really angry!

[Jas]

I think you should put him down with csa because you have told births deaths and marriages you know who he is and with centrelink if you know who the father is but don't try to claim child support they majorly reduce your payments.

It won't force anything to happen as far as custody goes. your ex would have to go through the court to get custody so there is no real down side I can see for you.

Also as far as your house goes you can actually go through court and they can force him to sell. I would definitely definitely see a lawyer about this contact legal aid. My dad was abusive and when mum moved out he lived in the house for several years and wouldn't sell it, he eventually agree to sell it after someone put a letter in the mailbox to offer to buy it, mum had seen a lawyer to find out what she could do (he didn't know about that) he was paying the mortgage at the time and even though he wasliving there and wouldn't sell legally he could have tried to get money back off her for the rent once the house sold and there were other downfalls, so I would really get onto that also you would be entitled to a higher percentage of the money from the house due to you caring for your dd.

[Gigi]

You're right, he is robbing you of a special time in your life

but if he's going to live life like that, i think he's done you a favour by leaving

but coming back and going again - that's just messing you about - that's so not fair

i hope the mediation (visitation stuff) and legal advice (re the house) make some things clearer for you.

it IS very muddy water, once you have a child with someone. it's the only r'ship breakup you CAN"T 100% turn your back on (for the sake of the child).

best of luck to you

grab EVERY opportunity, at mother's group, playgroup, child nurse visits etc, to take out your camera and say "would you mind taking a happy snap of us please?" - who woulnd't love to photograph a cute bub and their loving mummy? i would happily do that for a single mum (well i'd do it for anyone, but you get the drift).

so keep your camera in the nappy bag and dont' be shy to ask strangers even. You might get some dud shots but the more you get taken, the highter the chance of a good one. (i take lots, am estatic if ONE turns out well LOL).

you're a new mum, madly in love with your bub, extremely biased (as every mum is!), so of course you want photos. You're the reason your bub is here, so you deserve some photos together. Especially after having a hard pregnancy, if you want photos, get photos. Sometimes, having a baby, gives you the omph, to do things you ordinarily wouldn't do, i have found i am a bit braver than usual, if it's something to do with my child. I want to do it FOR HER. Even if i would never get up the courage to do the same thign, just for me.

wishing you well petal, keep posting, you need all the support you can get - i know words are only MORAL support, but it's something to keep you positive.

hugs

[Little Bean 09]

Hi Jas
Thank you for the advice on CSA. I hadn’t even thought about them reducing my payments. I’ll go and see CSA this week sometime. I would just rather he had nothing to do with her. Regarding the house, I’m trying to get legal aid but they’ve rejected my application twice just because I own a car worth $25K. They tell me to sell it first and then they’ll consider it. So, lawyers are out for now until I hear back from Legal Aid, I’ve applied again. Meditation is where I’d like to sort things out but it’s up to my ex on that one. I too think he might take me to task over him paying the mortgage but at the moment that’s his child maintenance. I’ve sent text messages on numerous occasions asking to pay half the mortgage and also to work out selling the house so I’ll use those too if he goes down that avenue.
Hi GiGi- I have a feeling that he’s going to come back in to my life again, as soon as he’s finished being a bachelor. This is what I’m struggling with right now because I don’t know that I’m strong enough to say no to him this time. I really wanted our family and we were supposed to be getting married in May. I’m not sure how I’ll react if he does want us back. My friends all tell me to forget him but as you would know, you just can’t do that when you both have a child together. My friends are all single or married of course. As for the photo’s – at least I have my family here and they’re great, I guess it’s just those times at home when you’re alone and she does something gorgeous but you don’t have time, or when she’s asleep on your shoulder and you just wish you had a photo of it. It’s not the end of the world though and I’ll have those memories in my head and heart forever. Great idea about the playgroups though and taking the camera. I usually have it on me everywhere I go. I haven’t joined any mothers/play groups yet as I was a bit embarrassed about having to use nipple shields whilst breast feeding and it can get a bit messy. I’m getting better at it though and I understand the other mothers are understanding, it’s just awkward. I’m hoping to one day get her off them and slowly we’re making progress but I have flat nipples so it’s a bit hard.