Hey gorgeous!

Sorry to hear that you are having a rough time, I know how unpleasant it is to be in that kind of situation, and frame of mind.

Firstly, can I recommend you seeing your GP? If you have suffered from depression before, it could definitely be rearing it's ugly head. Especially considering the circumstances of pregnancy, it's not surprising that you are feeling so many different things. I thought maybe I could share some relevant bits of my story with you...

I fell pregnant about, hmmm, four weeks after we started having sex. We had been together three months and were blissfully in love, but this was not the direction the r/ship was supposed to go. So I know you must be feeling then strain too!
For me, pregnancy is a blur, I know we stayed together because we loved each other but I know from the moment I got ym BFP that things weren't the same. We overcame a lot together and we have grown as individuals and as a couple in that time. FWIW I am sure you and your DP will as well.
I have PND but it was always very mild until four-six months ago. And I started feeling the way you were. I was very numb towards my DF (I won't go into the baby stuff), despite wanting to feel differently, I couldn't. The idea of him touching me made me physically sick. I didn't want to be with him sexually, even basic intimacy like cuddling when watching a movie was out of the question.
He knew something was up and so I explained how I was feeling - I "know" that I love you, but I don't feel it. It was such a cruel awakening. I didn't feel anything for him. I wanted to have sex but the idea of it was just debilitating mentally. I too, would dream consistently (although for me, about DF) but in a tangible space it was not to happen.
Pleasing him sexually had become a 'dutiful' thing, as a good partner. It was the kind of sex where I would suddenly be in the mood and he's have to go for it before I threw him off me. So, I'm sure I can understand where you are coming from.

Those thoughts darkened and because my relastionship with my DF was failing I began to resent my DS. But that is an even longer story. Basically, I would end up in a headspace where I wanted to harm him or myself, and eventually I became numb to everything, I really lost myself.

I know all cases are different, but because I have been through this and I know how phenomenally cruel it is, and how debilitating it becomes, I URGE you to please see a doctor, a counsellor, someone.

For me it has come back, very recently, but it's back. It's back with so much passion and deesire and whoa, seriously I am a new woman.

It is much easier to recover from this unfamiliar feeling towards your partner, than to when it includes your child as well, so please see your doctor.

Thinking of you