MODS: sorry I was supposed 2 post this in the relationships forum but unsure how to move it, if u could bump it to there for me that'd be good
Hi girls,
Sorry to ramble on, im so lost right now and would really like some opinions and support.
DP and I were only together a few weeks before I got pg, we'd known eachother for along time though and always had loving (and sexual) feelings for eachother. Things were great in both departments til I was about 2 months pg (when morning sickness kicked in) and I thought "its ok, once this sickness passes ill get that sexiness that pg women always talk about in 2nd trimester.
Nope.
I don't want to DTD, if we do it or I please him in some other way its just to make him happy, its not like im disgusted or anything but I have zero sex drive....but I have sexual dreams every night (about famous ppl or exs, not DP)...and I don't feel love...I mean I love him and care for him a lot but when he says I love u I feel like saying, I don't feel like I love you. I don't even want to hug or kiss him. At the moment I feel like I love him like a male friend, non sexual but caring.
I feel so guilty cause its not fair on him, but im so miserable feeling so 'blah' that I cry every night about it, DP is confused and thinks its his fault which makes me feel even worse.
I suffered bed depression and suicidal thoughts in my teen years but for the last couple years have been fine, I thought about going back on anti D's but I don't know if it'll make me feel any better and don't think itd be safe for baby or good for me mentally to start so late in my pg (im 27 weeks).
Will my loving feelings for him ever come back? I feel like they just disappeared, I don't know if its pg hormones or??
Pls ladies im at my wits end, any experiences, opinions or support are greatly appreciated.
Last edited by tattoo_mama; February 6th, 2009 at 01:23 AM.
Big hugs...I went through a time at the tail end of my 1st trimester and well into my second....infact probably for most of my second tri where I had absolutely zero interest in sex and if I had a dollar for everytime I told DF to pack his stuff and rack off ....well let's just say I probably wouldn't be needing the baby bonus!!!
We were going through a very traumatic time in our relationship when I first found out I was pregnant which carried through for me for a long time....
I know for me it's gotten better and whilst sometimes I look at DF and just think argh! who are you? there are other times in the last 4 months or so where I just look at him and think ... what would I do without you?
Anyways..... just wanted to let you know I experienced something similar and for me it was just pg hormones.
Sorry to hear that you are having a rough time, I know how unpleasant it is to be in that kind of situation, and frame of mind.
Firstly, can I recommend you seeing your GP? If you have suffered from depression before, it could definitely be rearing it's ugly head. Especially considering the circumstances of pregnancy, it's not surprising that you are feeling so many different things. I thought maybe I could share some relevant bits of my story with you...
I fell pregnant about, hmmm, four weeks after we started having sex. We had been together three months and were blissfully in love, but this was not the direction the r/ship was supposed to go. So I know you must be feeling then strain too!
For me, pregnancy is a blur, I know we stayed together because we loved each other but I know from the moment I got ym BFP that things weren't the same. We overcame a lot together and we have grown as individuals and as a couple in that time. FWIW I am sure you and your DP will as well.
I have PND but it was always very mild until four-six months ago. And I started feeling the way you were. I was very numb towards my DF (I won't go into the baby stuff), despite wanting to feel differently, I couldn't. The idea of him touching me made me physically sick. I didn't want to be with him sexually, even basic intimacy like cuddling when watching a movie was out of the question.
He knew something was up and so I explained how I was feeling - I "know" that I love you, but I don't feel it. It was such a cruel awakening. I didn't feel anything for him. I wanted to have sex but the idea of it was just debilitating mentally. I too, would dream consistently (although for me, about DF) but in a tangible space it was not to happen.
Pleasing him sexually had become a 'dutiful' thing, as a good partner. It was the kind of sex where I would suddenly be in the mood and he's have to go for it before I threw him off me. So, I'm sure I can understand where you are coming from.
Those thoughts darkened and because my relastionship with my DF was failing I began to resent my DS. But that is an even longer story. Basically, I would end up in a headspace where I wanted to harm him or myself, and eventually I became numb to everything, I really lost myself.
I know all cases are different, but because I have been through this and I know how phenomenally cruel it is, and how debilitating it becomes, I URGE you to please see a doctor, a counsellor, someone.
For me it has come back, very recently, but it's back. It's back with so much passion and deesire and whoa, seriously I am a new woman.
It is much easier to recover from this unfamiliar feeling towards your partner, than to when it includes your child as well, so please see your doctor.
Thanks ladies,
DP is not keen on me taking any meds during pg and neither am I really, I had a big cry to him last night after id posted this, he seems to be supportive but its so hard to be thankful for this when I don't feel loving..geez I sound so horrible!
Im worried about PND, my mum suffered terribly and still has bad depression, I might sit down and have a talk with her
no loving feelings for DP, will it come back?!
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