OMG

[Bathsheba]

Not sure if "happiness" is quite the thing to strive for ( I know that must sound weird ) it's more a sense of "rightness". All couples experience times of challenge... all couples disagree. I don't expect my DH to make me happy... that's something i must create within me... but a partner should make you feel comfortable most of the time... like when you are with him you feel understood and respected. Never allow humiliation, fear, and isolation into your relationships... there's an old saying "Fear and Love will never live in the same house". Happiness is a symptom of a good relationship... not the primary objective.

[Lulu]

Oh pfft - what an arrogant SOOK.

Let me tell you about an urban myth us girls used to giggle about - it's called the Engagement Ring On Layby...

Over the years me and my posse noticed that if we ended up breaking up with a guy who strung us along or wouldn't commit - as soon as we moved on, looked happier, or didn't want to go back, the good old But I Had an Engagement Ring On Layby for You line would come out.
Like Beyonce says - if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it - come on now girls IF YOU LIKED IT THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE PUT A RING ON IT.....oh oh oh, oh oh oh - yep come on wiggle your butts oh oh oh, oh oh oh.....

In the most memorable time my bestie said - WHERE? WHAT SHOP? - no answer...

So it's sort of the same thing really isn't it? He didn't think you would do better than him, or even get a life. Said it once, I'll say it again - ARROGANT!

What more is there to discuss with your ex? Bloody nothing. Don't bother.

[Butterfly Child]

I can't remember which fellow BB member's signature this was on, but I found it so powerful and true, and I remind myself of it when I feel sad or start to wonder if things have turned out the way they were supposed to with XP and I.

"When a person in our life can walk away from us, let them walk. Our destiny is never tied to anybody that leaves".

I'm not sure whether he left, or whether he drove you to leave, but either way it doesn't make a difference in my mind. Maybe I'm an idealist, but I don't believe we should settle. Strive for nothing short of happiness. It sounds like you're capable of achieving that now without XH. Good luck x

Woo thats my sig

Babe you know what you need to do! In the pit of your stomache, that Women inside you knows that you can do so much better, And we sure know it too babe.

Sometimes it feels like it may be easier just to just stick with it being the relationship and knock down everything we know we deserve and who we really are to make a relationship work!! but you know what in the long run it will get harder and the time we wasted just supressing the happiness we deserve to make our partner happy will only lead to resentment and no one really wins babe.

Listen to that little voice inside and know and seek what you truly deserve and thats true happiness and you can only do that and be that within yourself first.

So hell have some fun babe ..enjoy being single xx

[newmummy85]

I'm not sure if I was really trying to say that our partner is responsible for making us happy, but my personal view (and of course everyone has their own) is that we get one life, and my goal is to feel a genuine sense of happiness, contentment and to know that I have made the most of every moment. That may or may not include a partner.

Everyone has times of feeling other emotions, sad, angry etc. which is part of life and makes the good times all the more sweet, but I believe a person's partner should bring out the best in them. I've been in 2 long-term relationships which were certainly not smooth sailing all the time, but I never ever had to question whether I was happy being in it.

I don't think any one of us has 'the answers', they're all just opinions and in the end, it's a matter of listening to your own heart.

[Jas]

Hi,

I have only kinda seen ur story since u have broken up. I think that the fact you have a child together completely changes this situation.

I certainly don't believe in staying in abusive unhappy relationships etc for kids but I think if you think there is a possibility this relationship could be one you could be happy in then it is worth giving it another shot. I THINK PROBABLY THE BEST WAY WOULD BE AS SOMEONE ELSE suggested going on dates etc he has his house and u have urs and see where that takes u and if you are able to work through and change things.

I believe it is important for women to know what they want in a relationship and what they deserve so maybe you should write a list, forget every man you know and pretend your 15 with no cares in the world and write down what kind of man you want anad what kind of relationship you want and set up a time period, 3monthss, 6months, 12months whatever you thingk and after that time make a decision whether u will make or break this relationship.

I think so often we set our bars and then when someone falls below it we just lower the bar to meet them rather than waitign for the one that will me our wants and needs.

I guess u r looking for the yes or no answer but maybe at this stage if you can't answer that for your self a maybe would be better?

A huge goodluck with this journey ahead of you

[Lulu]

But what if someone has held you in the palm of their hand, has had your commitment right there in front of them. Has had a chance to change things after you leave and STILL does nothing?

How many chances can you give someone? Regardless of how someone else can make you feel (woooo on that one, and just what the dr ordered ) - does it come down to how much work it is for them to just love you as you are???

[littlelara]

I'm sorry, I just don't buy it, even if on some level exDH does. I think he's pannicked and saying what he knows he should have been saying the whole time. What a shame it took the threat of you finding happiness elsewhere (and not the threat of you walking away) for him to even begin to show signs that he could have been this person for you, SHOULD have been this person for you for no other reason than that be loved you and you deserved it. I too have btdt with the engagement ring on lay-by (great analogy, Lu) such a joke. Would he still take you if you don't give him back his dinted pride?
Think, girl, do you actually LIKE this person?
You know, I think sundays adventure made you feel sexy and attractive, but you were already happy

[Lulu]

and one more time before I go - "oh oh oh, oh oh oh - if you liked then you should have put a ring on it"....

* shimmies and grooves off to bed....

[fionas]

I agree with Lulu (what a surprise) - he had lots of chances to make a go of this and he didn't. And really d'you want to live your life having to pull out all the stops to get him to see sense?

Sunday Night Man sounds great. Maybe not a keeper but sometimes it takes a one night stand (or several) to see your life in a different perspective. Doesn't mean swapping one life for another, just a different perspective. Long story short ... a sexual awakening changed my life (for the better).

[fionas]

Bloody hell. Now got that Beyonce song in my head!

[brydz]

Off Topic: If you are in victoria (Not sure about else where) you can get people to come and install those new special lights in your house TOTALLY FREE!! the whole house.
just google it, there are several companies offering it, i think it's a government incentive.


damn that Beyonce song is stuck in my head too.

and I only browsed over the answers above, but I saw someone say not to chase after happiness. I think they are wrong. Happiness for yourself is the best thing you can look for in life. its a cut throat world we live in, you have to learn to be selfish. I'm a little confused about XH and the other guy and all that's going on in your head. But really JUST PUT YOU FIRST!

i read this the other day on gives me hope:
"I was reading about a little kid whose mom told him the key to life was happiness. When he was in school the teacher asked them to write down what they wanted to be when they grew up. He said happy. They said he didn't understand the assignment. He said they didn't understand life. My generation GMH"

[widdly]

wow thanks everyone, I cant believe the response i have in this thread, you are all so caring x

So yesterday I spent ages going back through all my threads about XH nad wrote down 3 pages of dot points to discuss with him (grill him), if he didnt give me decent answers I was walking forever.

Well, my goodness, I know you will all roll your eyes when you read this (especially you Lu Lu x) but i think he may finally realised what a messed up selfish arrogant ass he has been over the last few years.

He came home from work nad talked to me from his heart, finally. I absolutely did not hold back, I told him everything I didnt like about him this past few years, and he finally owned everything he has done, the things he said totally took me by surprise, I never ever thought he had itin him to wake up and see all the wrong he has done to his family. Things I had forgotten about, he was bringing up and accepting responsibility for and apologising for.

He has been talking with a psych over these past months and has realised many negative things about himself.

We discussed core values, and yes, we do share the same core values it seems, though we didnt over the last couiple of years due to XH selfishness.

The light bulb thing, he bought up and said as soon as he whinged about it to me he realised what a **** he was being.

Anyway, long story short, I trust him again with my feelings, and am giving it another go. I truly believe that this time he has changed inside his own head, he isnt full of false promises like usual.

Monday we are having a date day, he is taking me to the cinema then out for tea. He told me he realises he needs to treat me like a princess like he did back in the day.

THankyou for so much support through all of this guys, I dont know what i would have done without you.

[Meo]

Good for you, Widdly, but even better that your husband has owned his ***** and is prepared to change! Have fun on Monday

[Bathsheba]

and I only browsed over the answers above, but I saw someone say not to chase after happiness. I think they are wrong. Happiness for yourself is the best thing you can look for in life. its a cut throat world we live in, you have to learn to be selfish. I'm a little confused about XH and the other guy and all that's going on in your head. But really JUST PUT YOU FIRST!

Just wanted to say that I strongly disagree with the above... but don't need to debate about it Am prepared to agree to disagree.

[surprised]

Widdly, just wanted to say that's fantastic... I'm proud of you for not just giving up when that would have been the easier option... I hope you have a fantastic date and that it's that start of a positive, joy-filled (rekindled) relationship.

[Bathsheba]

Yes! I wanted to say that too.... so good that the lines of communication have been opened up now regardless of what happens... he will remain the father of your child... might as well have an optimal relationship whether it's together or apart.

[brydz]

aww best of luck to you and your XH and I really hope for the both of you that everything works out in time.

If not, at least you'll be able to say you really tried.

[Lulu]

I'm not rolling my eyes....yet

Watch him...watch him....waaaatch himmmmmm *cattle dog style*

He needs to maintain this for alot longer than one conversation doesn't he? Must be great to get some fricken VALIDATION about his twatdom though, I hear that.

Don't hand your heart back over yet - give it at least the same amount of time that you have been separated to see if it stays.