Your child support is calculated for the amount of days you have your children, to provide for their basics. Their cost of living. It's his job to supply EVERYTHING on his visits. I felt like that too for the first few months. Then I realised how much it costs to raise a child alone. No alternating expenses from each others pays any more. You'll change viewpoints many times, over the next few years.. Just like I have. You can only do what feels right, and seems to work for everyone. Just don't get into the trap of not wanting him to cover any costs 'because he pays child support.' I still expect ex to pay for half of girl guides fees, swimming lessons, and alternate school expenses like dance, excursions etc. And he is happy to do it. (Now. After 2 or 3 years of whinging.) he sees how happy it makes his daughter to feel comfortable knowing she can ask mummy OR daddy for money for planetarium or a new dress- either of us will happily accommodate if its needed. If i'm not flush i'll text him and ask him to buy. Last year i earned way more than him (he had a zero CS assessment too) so i covered more school expenses. It was a slog and some mediation to get to this point though. I think the zero child support assessment for last year helped open his pockets a little
Hi Fiona. Seeing as how you are both on tight budgets I think it's a good idea just to pack for now. It might even help the girls in their transition of keeping things the same.
They will eventually leave bits and pieces there as time passes. We bought clothes and bits for DHs kids so they didn't have to bring extra things - particularly if they were coming straight from school. Just things like pjs, swimmers, toiletries. We certainly never asked them to leave "our" clothes behind where they went back to their mum's house.
Just an idea, but could you ask him to go halves with the girls winter wardrobe maybe? I know that this is what my brother and his ex did for the first year. His ex would buy the clothes and give him a receipt and he'd put in half. As time moved on and they both became more established they would each buy things themselves. They also did this for their christmas and birthday presents. They got a present from mum and dad and then a little something from each parent (as an individual). I would love it if DH's ex was as agreeable!
And big kudos to you both for keeping it civil and putting the girls first. You're awesome!
I stopped sending anything other than the absolute bare minimum school uniform my DD was wearing when the ex started keeping clothes I sent DD in for his younger girls of his new relationship.
I think it depends very much on the relationship you have with your ex.
As a child growing up my parents were divorced, and I'd spend every weekend with my Dad. I never kept anything at his house. I took a packed bag of clothes each week and they all came home with me again on the Sunday evening. I remember reading books (I think it may have been the babysitter's club series lol) and one of the girls had separated parents, and had clothes at each house - I found that really weird as it wasn't how we did it. Seems normal now though! lol.
ExDH has his own stash at his house. Although I think it contains some of 'MY' stash as some of my favourites have gone missing lol! DS tends to take toys from here as well. I pack a bag with his pyjamas and some nappies (although exDH buys his own though sometimes we split a pack) and the toy he wants to take with him that time. We are pretty fluid and let DS decide what comes home. It gives him a bit of control over the situation.
DS spends three weekends out of four with his dad.
Separated Parents: Kids' Clothes
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