thread: Single dad unsure about more kids ?

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  1. #1
    Registered User

    Dec 2005
    4,840

    Hi and welcome to BB!

    I think your concern is one all single parents have, whether they have one or ten children from a previous relationship.

    Im a single mum to 3 boys - all under 3 - so they are all pretty close age-wise and relationship-wise. Considering I too am only young, there is always the possibility I could end up meeting someone who would like more children and Ive had a bit of a think about the fact that there would be a big gap between kids and Im not sure I like the idea because it could turn it into a mine vs ours situation.

    But in the end, siblings are siblings and I think its better to make sure its a solid loving relationship your bringing another child into rather than hurry into a relationship for the sake of having another baby because of an age gap.

    FWIW, I was 7.5 when my brother was born (he's my full sibling though) and I thought it was AWESOME. I also had a sister who was 2yrs younger than me. I loved being able to help my mother out with him and we still are very close today (well as close as I can be to a moody 17yo lol)

  2. #2
    Registered User

    Dec 2007
    Taking a ride on my grdonkey :D
    2,716

    I can share a couple of experiences that people I know have had with single parenting (dads) and having more kids in new relationships. When I was in high school I met a guy who was the sole parent to a gorgeous little 2-year-old girl. Her mother had some issues with substance abuse and unfortunately wanted as little to do with her daughter as possible, so this guy was 21 and doing it all on his own. I introduced him to one of my friends and about five years later, they are very happily married and have a little boy as well. The age gap doesn't seem to worry them, and my friend would love to have at least one more bub to add to her family, but they're just seeing how they go with finances for the time being.

    My DH is another kid who was raised by a single dad - his parents split up when he was 2 and sadly, we have no idea whether his mother is even alive today. She expressed no desire to be involved in his life, which is sad, but DH's dad met a beautiful (inside and out) woman when DH was 6, and they were together for 17 years and DH has a half-brother from that relationship. The age gap is 7 years, but as kids they always got along great - there were enough years between them for most of the bickering etc to not exist, and DH being the older sibling took on the protective role at school etc so for the most part they got along great, and although they played together a lot they also had their own groups of friends their own ages. DH's brother lives with us now and we have taken on more 'parent' roles with him because he is not quite 17 and needs guidance, but we are still close enough to him in age to understand what it's like to be a teenager and we can get through to him on issues like drinking, the birds and the bees and paying bills etc because we're not 'old fuddy-duddies' like parents.

    In my eyes these are both overall pretty positive experiences, so please don't let the thought of an age gap get you down! There are pros and cons to every situation - hey, sometimes I think a 2-year age gap between my girls was a stupid idea because I'm now juggling a tantrum-throwing toddler as well as a newborn But you have age working on your side, hun - you're still so young and the majority of my friends our age haven't settled into serious relationships yet, so you plenty of time to find the right person who is going to be a great mum to your little boy and the children you will have with them in future! I know how you feel about a lot of people our age just wanting to party it up and not have the responsibility of kids, but trust me, there ARE heaps of wonderful ladies out there who are just waiting for the right guy to come along and make their lives complete... and you could well be that guy!
    Best of luck, good on you for taking responsibility for your little man the way too many other men don't. Welcome to BB, hope you can make some more friends on here and get the support you need, being a single parent with a toddler!

  3. #3
    Registered User

    Dec 2005
    5,951

    Hi Singledad,

    Just wanted to wish you all the best with the new job tomorrow. I hope it goes well. I'm sure I'll see around

  4. #4
    Registered User

    Mar 2006
    soon to be somewhere exotic
    1,550

    Congrats on being such a great role model to your son.

    On age gaps - there is nearly 25 years between my brother and myself - we share the same mother but different fathers.

    Good luck with it all, when the time is right, somebody will come along for you.