Single dad unsure about more kids ?

[BabyQ]

I just wanted to pop in and congratulate you on being such a strong and supportive Dad to your DS....
You've done such an amazing job and at such a young age!

:yeahthat: And WELCOME to BB! Don't be a stranger!

[fionas]

Just want to reiterate - don't worry about the age gap thing. I know siblings with very small age gaps who can't stand each other and siblings with large age gaps who are best buds. My DP is one of four brothers. The first three were born with a two year age gap between each one then there was an eight-year age gap before DP (so he's the youngest). Of the four of them, the two siblings who are the best mates are DP and his next-oldest brother. The eldest three, who are the closest in age, don't see each other much or have much in common.

As an old fart, can I just say that life tends to have a way of working out just fine. You just have to be patient sometimes so don't get hung up on finding someone in a hurry. A lot of relationships are started because people don't want to be on their own or give themselves a self-imposed deadline ... only for it to all end in tears.

Enjoy your little boy, enjoy life ... you've got a lot to look forward to!!!

[widdly]

fiona, I love your advice, perfect!

[Visitor7]

Welcome to BellyBelly! What an amazing job you're doing for your son. I can only imagine what you must be feeling and going through. You and your son must have been through a lot, and will no doubt go through a lot in the future. But you are still young, and so is your son, and you both have plenty of time for new adventures.
I wish you all the best with your upcoming job, and I hope you and your son enjoy it here in this lovely town of ours

ETA: I just read in another post of yours that you're a Centrelink CSA, do you still work at Centrelink? I work in the Cairns Call Centre.

[~clover~]

Hi & welcome to BB.
As you can see its a great place with the best support & advice!!
Good on you for taking care of your DS the way you are. Not many men your age could be bothered...single or not.
I had my babies at 18, 21 & 24, so I know about feeling left out of your age group...trust me! Can't drink all night & sleep all day, lol. I'd personally just sleep all day!
Things will happen when they are meant to You are still very young! Who knows you might meet a great woman with kids of her own similar age to your DS.
A bigger age gap can be a bonus too They can help out alot more

[Jas]

Hi,

Just wanted to say you sound like a reat guy and there is definitely some one out there for you. It is understandable u feel this way but I am sure there is someone who would love to go through the whole journey with you and share parenthood. Don't worry about the age gap, perhaps you might even meet someone who already has a child around ur sons age?!

[singledad]

Thanks everyone for the nice comments It has been a journey, with ups and downs, but I have enjoyed it and wouldn't change a thing!

Jodi, that's the job I'm starting next monday. I'm going to being in the Cairns call centre too. Might run into you there one day.

[Gigi]

Welcome to belly belly, singledad.

We are all parents here, or about to me, or wanting to be, all on some kind of a journey.

i have one child, and she came along late in my life (not my choice) and i sometimes worry about her being an only child, and what the gap might be, if a miracle happened, and i did have another child. Her father and i live together, but as housemates, co-parenting. R'ship is non existent but neither of us can raise a bond to move out, so we stay.

So i'm in a bizarre situation of living in the same unit as my child's father, but feeling, in many ways, like a single parent.

The great thing about forums like this, is when you are going thru whatever with your child, you can post questions, or have a vent, and other people pop up, sharing what they tried with their child, in that same or similar situation - or just commiserate with you.

Much of parenting, i have found pretty lonely (in real life), so it's been great to get support like this, in this cyber way.

I relate to what you said, about people WITHOUT kids, thinking about life so differently. I've experienced that with people older than myself too, so to my surprise, it's not just a "young clubbers" attitude, any agegroup can have it. Including ones that DID have kids, but that was decades ago, and they've forgotten what it's like.

I've just toilet trained my child a few months ago, so sing out if you still want info on that topic. If i can help, i will.

Welcome, i think it takes a brave man to join a forum with a predominantly female membership. But you have lots in common, we all love our kids to bits.

[Freya]

Hi and welcome to BB!

I think your concern is one all single parents have, whether they have one or ten children from a previous relationship.

Im a single mum to 3 boys - all under 3 - so they are all pretty close age-wise and relationship-wise. Considering I too am only young, there is always the possibility I could end up meeting someone who would like more children and Ive had a bit of a think about the fact that there would be a big gap between kids and Im not sure I like the idea because it could turn it into a mine vs ours situation.

But in the end, siblings are siblings and I think its better to make sure its a solid loving relationship your bringing another child into rather than hurry into a relationship for the sake of having another baby because of an age gap.

FWIW, I was 7.5 when my brother was born (he's my full sibling though) and I thought it was AWESOME. I also had a sister who was 2yrs younger than me. I loved being able to help my mother out with him and we still are very close today (well as close as I can be to a moody 17yo lol)

[Glamourcide]

I can share a couple of experiences that people I know have had with single parenting (dads) and having more kids in new relationships. When I was in high school I met a guy who was the sole parent to a gorgeous little 2-year-old girl. Her mother had some issues with substance abuse and unfortunately wanted as little to do with her daughter as possible, so this guy was 21 and doing it all on his own. I introduced him to one of my friends and about five years later, they are very happily married and have a little boy as well. The age gap doesn't seem to worry them, and my friend would love to have at least one more bub to add to her family, but they're just seeing how they go with finances for the time being.

My DH is another kid who was raised by a single dad - his parents split up when he was 2 and sadly, we have no idea whether his mother is even alive today. She expressed no desire to be involved in his life, which is sad, but DH's dad met a beautiful (inside and out) woman when DH was 6, and they were together for 17 years and DH has a half-brother from that relationship. The age gap is 7 years, but as kids they always got along great - there were enough years between them for most of the bickering etc to not exist, and DH being the older sibling took on the protective role at school etc so for the most part they got along great, and although they played together a lot they also had their own groups of friends their own ages. DH's brother lives with us now and we have taken on more 'parent' roles with him because he is not quite 17 and needs guidance, but we are still close enough to him in age to understand what it's like to be a teenager and we can get through to him on issues like drinking, the birds and the bees and paying bills etc because we're not 'old fuddy-duddies' like parents.

In my eyes these are both overall pretty positive experiences, so please don't let the thought of an age gap get you down! There are pros and cons to every situation - hey, sometimes I think a 2-year age gap between my girls was a stupid idea because I'm now juggling a tantrum-throwing toddler as well as a newborn But you have age working on your side, hun - you're still so young and the majority of my friends our age haven't settled into serious relationships yet, so you plenty of time to find the right person who is going to be a great mum to your little boy and the children you will have with them in future! I know how you feel about a lot of people our age just wanting to party it up and not have the responsibility of kids, but trust me, there ARE heaps of wonderful ladies out there who are just waiting for the right guy to come along and make their lives complete... and you could well be that guy!
Best of luck, good on you for taking responsibility for your little man the way too many other men don't. Welcome to BB, hope you can make some more friends on here and get the support you need, being a single parent with a toddler!

[Visitor7]

Hi Singledad,

Just wanted to wish you all the best with the new job tomorrow. I hope it goes well. I'm sure I'll see around

[Little Bean 09]

Great to see such a young man take great resposibility. I'm sure Tyler will benefit from it greatly throughout his life. Welcome to Cairns also. I've been here about 12 years and call myself a local so if you ever need any advice on anything or just a chat drop me a line. Take care. xxoo

[AngelPunks]

Congrats on being such a great role model to your son.

On age gaps - there is nearly 25 years between my brother and myself - we share the same mother but different fathers.

Good luck with it all, when the time is right, somebody will come along for you.