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Thread: Single Mum to be - Sad and Scared

  1. #1
    mini mum Guest

    Default Single Mum to be - Sad and Scared

    Just discovered this website and been reading everyone stories and finally found the courage to put my stories in words. I am 28 and recently found out I am 6 weeks pregnant .. although overwhelm with joy by the news, the father of baby and I recently broke up. He has now have a new girlfriend and not clear on his role he is going to play in the baby life. He did say he is not going to be their emotionally for me and want to be involved once the baby born. That was really hard to take.

    Although I want to forge ahead I dont know if i can give my unborn child everything it need .. financially it will be tough, and I dont know if im strong enough to go through with everything on my own. I want to know from other single mother what was their experience been as a single mum. How has your children cope.



    I scared of taking this step and just dont know if i can be strong enough to do it ... sorry for the long story

  2. #2
    cassie82 Guest

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    Mini mum,
    I've been alone since I found out I was pregnant. I was (and still am) lucky to have family and friends to support me emotionally.

    For close on 9 months, every spare cent I had went towards baby furniture, clothes, toys etc. There were many times I went without to ensure I had enough of everything. This was even harder for me considering I didn't know the sex of my baby :-)

    I now have a beautiful baby girl (nearly 3 months) who couldn't want for anything. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

  3. #3
    paradise lost Guest

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    I've been a single mum since DD was 8 weeks old. I'm on benefits. Life is not easy because we have so little money but babies don't need money. They need love. I always have enough money to feed us and keep a roof over our heads and pay my bills. What more is there? No, i can't go boozing every weekend. No, i can't buy myself new clothes very often. No, we don't have a car. BUT we have everything we NEED and a few little extras which we value so much because they are extra. DD is the light of my life, a joy every day, and i would not trade her for all the money in the world.

    DD's daddy still has a large part in her life and things are nicer now. WHen i first moved out he was venomous towards me and as little help as possible but he has grown up an awful lot for his little girl.

    I have a new partner, and i should think that before DD is 4 i will no longer be a single mother, so this time might be short but for just now DD is enjoying her life i think. Monday we went for a run (with her in the buggy) around a big local park for an hour, today we went for a wander to the shops to look at the Christmas lights and get some bread (she loves to help at the shop), tomorrow i'm taking her swimming, Thursdays she goes to a toddler group, Fridays we go to a singing group called bounce and rhyme and see some of her friends from toddler group again. At the weekend she either sees her daddy or comes out playing with DP and I to museums, art galleries, the science centre or the book&coffee shops we love. SHe has many fans and is loved across the city.

    If you had told me that i'd be a single mum when i was pregnant i might even have considered abortion, i would have been so very frightened. But when it actually happened to me i just looked at my beautiful baby girl and knew that whatever it took i would MAKE things ok. I would move heaven and earth for that smile. And i am not afraid.

    Love and good thoughts

    Bx

  4. #4

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    Welcome to BB, you will find bucketloads of support.

    I was single (by choice) with my DD for eight years and I still look back and smile. Hoobs is right - babies don't need money and plastic crap, they need you.

    You will be a terrific mummy, your heart will explode with joy day after day. It's a bit hard when you don't know whats going to happen, but it can be done, and it can be FUN!

    Ask a zillion questions, you won't need your smelly old ex - you have us now!!

    xoxoxoxoxoxo

  5. #5

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    Hi mini mum..

    I am going through this now and in the same position with my ex as you are...all the feelings and emotions wondering if I can do this, and how I will do this.

    Like Cassie i have been trying to buy things everytime I go shopping even if it is something little ..even a baby singlet.

    I feel overwhelmed sometimes, scared to death, upset he doesn't want anything to do with the baby etc but there is little i can do to change the circumstances except knuckle down and get on with things as best I can.

    You will be okay, like the others have said having one loving parent is far beter than one who is resentful etc..

    If you want to private message me I'm usually up for a chat.

    Take care

    Rachelle

  6. #6

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    just wanted to wish you a world of luck and good fortune Mini Mum - all the best

  7. #7

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    Just remember - YOU are the best Mummy for YOUR child. And you can do this - being on your own means no other demands on your time by your partner (which is one of the best benefits out!)

    Good luck.

  8. #8
    motherduck Guest

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    Hi Minimum
    I was also a single mum with my first for 7 years and we also were on benifits for quite awhile, my girl is the light of my life and is she is now 15, and bearly remembers a time when we were on our own I feel that just having each other the bond you form is overwhelming.

    Enjoy your PG and when you have your bubba in your arms it will feel like you have walked out of the shadows into the light where the world looks brighter than ever before full of love, hope, dreams all for you and your little one.

  9. #9

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    Hello Mini Mum,

    just wanted to wish you all the best. Like the others are saying you are going to be just fine! I have been a single mum for about 6 weeks now, my lil man is 9.5 months. I LOVE IT!!! sometimes it is hard, but it's great if you have some family around, i'm living with my parents until i get myself sorted out. I love the idea that my lil boy has one strong parent instead of two that have differnet parenting ideas (amoung other things, lol) He will grow up how I want him too.

    Take Care, Lots of hugs....
    Sally

  10. #10
    mini mum Guest

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    Thank you for everyone support .... i always envy single parents because I know its tough and never envision myself to be in this position but i guess expect the unexpected.
    I know this child will be the love of my life ... i immediately felt a connection when I was told I was pregnant I never hesitated not to keep it .. but I guess when you sit down and go through the motion .. u kinda envision this tough road ahead.

    But I guess life will always be the way u want it to be ... heads down and just focus.

    I too wish my ex will one day grow up and want to play a part in his child life ... but if not it will be his lost.

    Thanks you everyone once again .. your stories have touch me and given me strenght and inspiration to forge ahead.

    xoxoxox

  11. #11

    Join Date
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    I'm glad you've found support There will always be someone to talk to, and really writing it down is the best thing

  12. #12
    mini mum Guest

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    Right now I finding it really hard to deal with my emotion its like a roller coaster .. Bcos I been with my ex-bf for over 3 years and still have feelings for him but I know we will not be able to reconcile things. I guess im feeling emotions from a break up and also being pregnant.

    So hard to stay focus and just enjoy this period .. any suggestions to get my mind off things?

  13. #13

    Join Date
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    Firstly congrats on your pg!! Hope its healty and happy!!

    I'm not a single mom, but I did go through a break-up with a bf of almost 4 years, he was the guy I was going to marry. I found the best way to work though a break-up is NOT to get your mind off things. I'll try to explain:
    Take one day, a week, a month and THINK. Think loooong and hard about everything -positive's, negative's, laughs, cries, being happy, getting hurt, dreams together. As you are doing this, write it down. Then go through it from your current situation. Work through your emotions, build courage to control them and burn everything you have written. Get your break-up out of your system and then focus your energy on your child. You said yourself, you are not reconciling, so cry, scream, punch something (I recomend something soft, like a pillow - not a wall ) get your emotions out.

    The best of luck too you!! You are going to be the best mommy for your baby!!! :hugs:

  14. #14
    paradise lost Guest

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    That's really brilliant advice there Nadine!

    I agree - to truly be able to move forward you need to deal with your feelings of loss and grief over the end of the relationship. You're in pain, it's ok to feel that pain, to mourn what you've lost as well as looking to what you will gain (your beautiful bub). Even if you do go on to reconcile, you will both do better to have dealt with the pain of the current situation before making a new start. Hang in there, this passes, i promise.

    bx

  15. #15

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    Hey Mini,

    I know how you feel..7 years with my ex..and I know there is absolutely no hope of getting back together..in fact he has a new gf after splitting with me all of 5 weeks ago..that is really hard to deal with

    It is tricky dealing with everything, it's a great idea to jot things down in a journal that only you will see, talk about how you are feeling and let people know when you need help. Everyone needs a hug every now and again and you have a lot going on.

    Write him a letter and write about all the things you want to say and do, your feeling about him and the relationship etc..all the things you want to say to him but may not be able to. Then either store the letter away or destroy it. It helps just the release of that emotion from your mind to physically placing the words on the paper.

    Hugs to you, you'll get through this, just take each day as it comes.

  16. #16

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    This is a very hard time for you, you need to sit back and relax first of all :-)
    Im a single mum, I am 23, I became a mum at the age of 19 and had a "shotgun" wedding soon after, my marriage ofcourse failed when my daughter was around 8months old. Her dad has never really been around, so I count myself as a single mum right from the time my daughter was actually born.
    Yes, indeed it is hard , ofcourse it is, Im not going to sit back and say its a walk in the park. What you need to realise though is its not as hard as you may first think...

    I am not rich by any means and stick to the tightest of tight budgets - we get by and my daughter has all that she needs and I have never been in a situation where I have been unable to provide for her in any way and I have financially been suppporting her 100% on my own. I work part time and I am at uni also... Your life will not end because you have a child on your own. I went throught stages of thinking that my life is nothing, Il always be alone, Il never have money, my child will hate me etc.... To be honest I truly believe that children who are raised by one parent intsead of 2 grow up no differently. I have worked in childcare for years and single parents do a great job with their children, if not better!
    Your ex is obviously an immature man or "boy" as he is acting anyway... He will one day realise what he is missing out on and how selfish he has been. In the meantime you get to experience a littlelfie growing inside of you, then delivering life into the world and being a mum!!!!! You cant get better that that, trust me....the first time you hold your little bubby, all your problems will be erased, nothing matters anymore. You will be fine. Limit contact with the ex and forget about what he is upto and who he is dating, itls only do your head in and achieve nothing.
    You will be just fine, trust me. It will work out and this baby will be a new road in your life. Youre going to be a mum, CONGRATS and enjoy each minute :-)

  17. #17

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    Hi ladies,

    I did a google search for 'single pregnant scared' and came across this forum and I am so glad I did.

    I am 23, nearly 11 weeks pregnant with my first wee baby, and every day I am unsure as to whether I am about to become a single mother-to-be. Here is my story in a nutshell.

    I was in the UK on a working holiday visa, where I met the love of my life in Scotland at the place I was working. He had recently come out of a relationship where he and his ex have a young son together, and his ex made our lives very difficult because she wanted him back. This forced us to look at moving to Australia so we could live in peace.

    It was at this time that I found out I was pregnant (not planned!), so I came back to Australia, and he was to follow when his visa was approved (can take up to 5 months-visa still not quite submitted).

    He is struggling with the idea of leaving his life in Scotland behind, as well as his young son, friends and family. Whilst he assures me that he loves me and wants to be with me and have a family together, our relationship is uncertain with all this stress he is under, and I feel that I need to be prepared for anything to happen.

    I am not working currently, so financially it will be a struggle as a single Mum I am sure, but I have the most wonderful, supportive family and friends. Without them, I don't know that I could do this.

    All your encouraging advice has really lifted my spirits, and knowing that there are other ladies going through the same thing that have made a go of it fills me with hope, and I feel less alone.

    Sorry this is such a long reply, but I needed to get this off my chest.

    Take care.

  18. #18

    Join Date
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    oh hun I have been there. When I was 4 months pregnant my childs father left for work one day after sleeping at my house and didn't come back. It was very hard to take, he wouldn't return my txt's or answer my calls and showed no interest in Ashton. For months I cried wondering what I had done and why he didn't want to be a part of our lives. I didn't understand how someone could turn their back on their own baby. I later found out that he was seeing someone, a person who caused trouble in our relationship and constantly stalked me online, read my blogs and looked at my photos etc (I had no idea at the time) and she kept telling my sons father to get a dna test, don't be so sure it's his etc. Once Ashton was born I told him, asked him if he wanted to come visit. He said no basically and that he wanted DNA tests (which never eventuated) and we didn't hear from him for 3 months until I filed for Child Support and had to get DNA tests done. The day we got the results back (2 days before Christmas) he txt me and said "When can I see MY son". This was so hard to take, I had grown very attached to Ashton as MY child, that he was all mine and I didn't have to share him with anyone. I had gotten over the fact that his father was a jerk and didn't want him, because I did with all my heart and soul.
    He has had a few visits, been in and out of his short life, and we have now moved 300km away from him which was the best thing I could have done. All in all I am so happy being single and having my gorgeous child who I love so so much.
    So basically, while it's tough in the beginning, and you will be overcome with sadness, it does get easier.
    BIG hugs to you.

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