So far they have been able to treat you like crap, then summon you to their rescue when the going gets tough. That must change and you are the only person that can do it.
Stop coming to their rescue - they are adults. It might be hard, but you must do it - what unlikable people they must be right now. Not just to you but others as well. If they can treat their mother like this, how do they treat everyone else?
So, hang up the phone if they get abusive. Tell them you won't talk unless they can be mature.
RETRAIN!
so much to answer becauase parts of each ones story is so relevant
thank you so so so much. everything you all said was relevant and helpful thank you.
rifts are so painful and the most painful is you cant go around talking about it even. you can say things like ' my partner just got diagnosed with ... so i'm stressed , but you cant easily say my children are really acting carzy at present or my family isnt getting on at present"
rifts are painful. i wish they could just talk sort things and get on
but at present i'm going to have to have the pain of the rift as well as time to focus on other areas of my life which is much needed after 3 decades devoted to children and almsot nothing for other areas of my life.
Oh yeah you can - I do it all the time ie - "my teenager sucks right now", "my 3yr old has gone feral" and something a friend said to me just last week - you give birth to them and love them, but you don't always LIKE them....
A relative of mine has forever been coming to the rescue of her adult kids and still does! At ages 45 & 40 she still bails them out
Mr 45 won't contact her for months but then he will turn up because he needs money to pay for a tank of petrol to get to work.
Not being in your situation I'm not sure I can say what I'd do, but I know damn well I'd not let it get to that point after seeing what the relative goes through.
thank you everyone for your response. i am feeling very raw and sad for a long time from this.
well i guess there are different situations which decide if you should give or not. if people need support even huge support and they then go flying with the support you give thats great. but if they fly for a while and then in a crisis kick you in the face, thats the painful part.
suze orman once said on oprah how single mums give all their time and money for their kids with no time for relationships, friends, savings, and then have nothing left at the end of it. i've got worse than nothing left i've got so much hurt.
i'm trying to focus on other things but i have found its made me very down. I was exhausted by challenge after challenge without a while lot of crazy thigns now that its left me to do when i just needed peace already.
Last edited by sue1386; October 16th, 2009 at 07:58 PM.
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