Single, pregnant, father lives overseas, how do I tell him?

[Rita68]

Single, late thirties and pregnant to a man who lives overseas

[The[cookie]Doctor]

Hi Rita -

Firstly, congratulations on your pregnancy - however daunting it may seem at the moment, i'm sure you'll come to embrace it soon enough and i wish for it to be a happy and healthy one for you.

I'm really sorry that i can't offer you any advice or words of wisdom regarding your situation, but am sending many hugs your way.

Good luck and i hope to hear how things go for you soon.

[Jas]

Hi Rita,
Congratulations on the pregnancy. It is a tough situation that you're in and I can understand that you would be stressed and feel very uncertain! I think it's probably just best to contact him and let him know ASAP. The facts are that it takes two to tango so even though you feel as though you are about to change his life his actions have also changed your life and even though you are the one who is carrying the baby it is your child and his child.

And he has said he doesn't want to live in Aus maybe he will when he knows he is soon to become a father.

Whatever your worst fears are in terms of how he will react they may happen but there is nothing you can do to stop it so you may as well find out what his react will be if its bad then you know as much in advance what level of support you will have from him and if it is good you can stop stressing!!

I wish you the best of luck and am looking forward to hearing how you go. This is an amazing website with women and some men from all walks of like many of whom are single parents and will share your ourney with you!

Also I really think you should chat to a good friend who can help you through preferabbly one with kids

[fionas]

Hi Rita

WOW! And congratulations.

I think just tell him what you've told us - that you're surprised, a little scared and you haven't had too much time to process it yet but you thought he should be the first to know.

Just bear in mind that he will need some time for it to sink in too so his first reaction may not be his final reaction.

Then I think write a list of all your fears and have a long think about what you can do to combat each of those, one by one. If it means talking to a counsellor, do that.

If you have financial worries, think about what you CAN do rather than what you can't and get as much information that you can from various sources which may include lawyers (in the case of child support from the father if you want to go down that path), Centrelink etc. etc.

And please don't think that having fears/doubts/worries are confined to single parents. I think a lot of women have those same fears when they find out they're pregnant, whether it was planned or not! I know that I did!

Finally, don't hide yourself away and isolate yourself BUT do choose someone to tell who will be thrilled and supportive.

Best of luck and let us know how you go.

[MummaBear79]

Hi Rita,

Do you use msn? I have been in this situation so I might be able to help As you can see by my signature, it all worked out and we now have 3 kids My partner was also from Europe (Sweden) when I fell pregnant with Bailey. It was a HUGE life change for the both of us, but it all worked out in the end. Im happy to talk if you want too. Where is Europe is your friend from?

[~Belinda~]

Rita, congratulations on your pregnancy. It's such a wonderful journey to be pregnant and then to become a mother. I still pinch myself that I have Madeleine, she is an angel and truly the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

I can't offer any advice in your situation but I do wish you the very best with everything.

Hugs are coming your way from me...

[Rita68]

Hey there,
Thanks for the advise from everyone. I told the father two weeks ago and he is very adamant that I should have an abortion. He says that this is going to destroy his life. He says that it would be easier for everyone if i get rid of it and that it is not fair to bring a child into the world with no father.

So the end result hasnt been good but in some ways I am relieved that I have finally told him. I'm trying not to engage too much in conversation with him anymore about it because I absolutely will not have an abortion. He told me that a female friend of his thinks that I only want to have it because of all the hormones going on and that once I have an abortion this will go away. I find it unbelievable that he managed to find a female who could say this. She had an abortion in a similar situation so maybe she is just trying to justify things for herself.

Financially i should be okay and I have a lot of friends who should support me.
Once again thanks for the kind words
xox

[Jas]

Rita,

I am so sorry to here that news. I want to say a big congratulations on your pregnancy and your decision!

There are ladies on here in all different circumstances that would love to support you on your journey looking forward to hearing more on your pregnancy because regardless of this reaction a baby is definitely a positive thing!

[mirandainmelbourne]

Hi,

Me too! I'm 20 weeks pregnant, the FOB is in Canada and wants nothing to do with the baby. I told him when I was 4 weeks and haven't seen him since. I've emailed him a few times, birth certificate and next of kin stuff, but he's adamant he doesn't want to know about the baby. I'm keen to not burn too many bridges, as I reckon it's in my daughter's best interests to keep communications cordial. It's a very weird situation though. Which is probably why I'm sitting on the internet at 06.30 on a holiday monday...

[Rita68]

Hi there. That's quite a coincidence. I'm also 20 weeks and live in Australia too. The FOB lives in Europe. If you feel like emailing a bit just to share the experience my email is mozza68@hotmail.com

I don't know anyone else who has such a similar situation to me.