I was single right from the beginning. I was working overseas on a cruise ship and seeing a guy from Jamaica for about 3 months. About 2 weeks after we broke up (i called it off because i didn't want to be in a relationship) i found out i was pregnant. I was so excited! I didn't actually think that i could have children. So i came home 2 months earlier than planned... with a little surprise to tell everyone!
I also found it extremely difficult re: finding someone to talk to about legalities etc. Its such an emotionally confusing time, without the added pressure of being a single mum. I wish that i had found this website while i was pregnant, but i didnt come across it til Toby was 2 months old.
Having Toby was the best thing i have EVER done. I love him even more than i thought i possibly could!
I just burnt my dinner and lost the message that I wrote so I'll be brief
Question - breastfeeding, which is fine but he is slow on the uptake of food and for the last few days I haven't been able to feed him at all, though he eats at daycare and with nanny. I figure he just gets too much smells from my milk to take food seriously when I'm around. Is there any particular smell I can wash with that will hide the smell? do I need to invest in a lead vest?
Melsky - I send him about a dozen emails and called - brick wall. I only told 1 of our mutual friends and TF refuses to talk to him now believing he's 'on my side' - such a boring way of looking at it. I guess I'm struggling to accept that someone I previously believed was intelligent and brave, who is loved by so many of my friends, is such an a$$ hole
TT My sister got me on to BB straight away, and I am so grateful it exists, but although there were plenty of women to keep me bouyant and strong, none came forth that had had this experience and with regards to birth certificates and centrelink I, like you, was on my own. Plenty of theories abound, but no concrete - "this happened to me and this is what I did" stuff. I'm hoping that we can remain in touch with this thread to offer our support to other women who are sure to come. And perhaps to exchange ideas on how to juggle a baby with the washing, cleaning, showering etc etc etc
I would also like to let you know that I wont be online every night, or sometimes not every week or month - being single from the start can be so much more tiring than the same experience but with a cuddle at the end of the day! You know this and same goes for you I'm sure.
I found that due to time contraints I was so much more distant from my belly & baby buddies, and it just added to my loneliness, i want to try my best not to forget anyone, no matter how long it's been since they posted last
My god what a crusader perhaps i should invest in a CAPE - will that hide the smell of my milk, or do babies have x-ray vision?
Uncle Amy that was what did my head in and stressed me the most, the birth certificate and centrelink stuff! I guess people dont come forward because of the legal side of it all but id be more than happy to help anyone who finds themselves in our situation. Sure would have saved me a lot of tears along the way!
Im not sure where you live, but in victoria, its almost impossible to not have the fathers name on the birth certificate (and i totally understand this). I dont want to offend anyone who believes that in all circumstances the dad "must" be on the birth certificate, but it's not always as straightforward as that. Toby's dad is on his. He lives in Jamaica, the government doesn't collect child support from Jamaica, he has never and probably will never see Toby and has only e mailed twice this year. Yet, with his name being on the certificate, i have to now have permission from him for all sorts of things such as a passport. By the time Toby needs a passport, i can pretty much guarantee that i will have absolutely no idea how to track down his dad. Which means we will have to go to court to explain that i dont know where he is, to be able to obtain a passport without the fathers signature.
I may be wrong, but i've been told that this is the process.
At the end of the day, you just want whats best for your child.
Toby Turtle - I don't know if this helps you being in Vic but a friend of mine got pregnant in QLD and left the bloke soon after. She had her DS in the NT and recently got a passport for him for a holiday without too much hassle. Centrelink or Family services (not sure which) told her that since the father had never seen her DS or done anything 'parental' he was seen as having no legal rights over the boy. She was told the same thing again when she and her new DH started the process for him to adopt her DS. She was told that his biological father can not impede as he has not been active in the boy's life. Mind you I have heard this second hand but it might be worth checking out. Hope it all works out without too much hassle when the time comes for a passport .
Thanks Macca, thats the other thing that worries me! When i do find "Mr Right" and the possibility of him adopting Toby and how it'll work. Toby's dad certainly hasn't done anything "parental" either!
I could be wrong, but as i trawled through stupid amounts of information on stuff like that, you CAN remedy the situation through CSA, i think it's like a declaration of responsibility - basically it is a form/contract which states how much responsibility for the child each parent has, signed by both parents. I think it;s something like 11% or less is the minimum arrangement, if you get him to sign that it will waive his rights to a certain amount of stuff, the 'passport request' is one of them. Sorry to sound vague, I might have saved the document if i have I'll send it to you
I'm the same as you, I had so much trouble comming to terms with the legalities, and my options within that. The passport thing really got me worried, so I researched it heaps and I'm pretty sure that if you can get a signature from him, with this form, it will totally change that situation. And I reckon, once that's done, your FORMAL necessity to remain in contact will be over. I'll chase it up for you
I sent the birth certificate to TF to sign (sydney, i in melb) and he returned it to the registry unsigned. They contacted me and I gave them TF address and phone number. They contacted him and he denied paternity, he signed a form they sent him, formally denying paternity, and so the birth certificate has no information on the fathers side.
It's been such a heart ache. Everyone seems to have an opinion, and at the time I just couldn't decide what was right or wrong. It was awful.
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