Hi everyone, I'm new here and I'm glad I have found a forum to chat in!
I live in Sydney and have 2 beautiful girls, one is 5 (starting school in Feb!) and the other is 3. I work full time, and share custody with XH - the girls are with me 7 days per fortnight. We have been separated for 2 months and it has been a rough journey!
XH and I were married for 8 years, together almost 10. We had a fiery relationship the whole time, and in the end I was just sick of the constant tension and his emotional manipulation, and the girls seeing us fighting all the time. So I left. He still hasn't accepted that it is over, and the abuse continues - although at times we get on just fine. We are still in the process of untangling our lives, but most of the "material" things are sorted out now. I am renting a place, and getting used to being by myself for half the time and doing everything for myself (I mowed the lawns today!!!!) but I love my new life and the independence I have now (part of our problem was that I felt like I was constantly being smothered by him - we work in the same building, used to travel to and from work each day, have lunch together etc - and any efforts to pull back a little and have my own life was met with anger and/or sulking).
Of course XH denies that any abuse existed, and I am just a horrible, mentally ill person who has ruined his life and the girls' life and walked away from 10 wonderful years together. The fact that he won't even acknowledge the problems strengthens my resolve that I have done the right thing.
The girls are starting to accept their new life, although it is very hard. The older one in particular asks all the time why we can't all live in the same house anymore. It has been better since I have moved into my own place (I was staying with a friend's mother in law for a few weeks) and now that I am all settled and unpacked and getting into a new way of life, I think things will just keep getting better and better.
The custody arrangement works ok, although I do miss the girls terribly when I am not with them. The trouble is, I really have no support network. My dad died last year, I haven't seen or spoken to my mum in over 4 years (and don't care to - she is a troubled soul), and I'm not close to any of my brothers - emotionally or geographically. I was always close to one of XH's aunts, but all his family have completely sided with him and not even spoken to me in 2 months (stuff them, I reckon ). Most of our mutual friends were friends of his when we met, and I have not spoken to any of them (it was always the boys hanging out and the wives chatting politely). My best friend lives 2 hours away and has very big problems of her own right now. In the last 12 months we had been spending a fair bit of time with a couple of the families from daycare and their group of friends, and they were very helpful when I first moved out, but lately it feels like they have pulled back a lot and don't really want to get involved - XH got on very well with some of the guys in the group, and I think there is a reluctance to take sides. Plus I am not very good at asking for help. So I am trying to do it all on my own - and sharing custody with XH 50/50 lets me indirectly tap into his support network - his family. Plus it means that I can get all the boring stuff done (housework, washing, mowing lawns, ironing etc) while the girls are not here, and then give them my full attention when they are. XH is a very capable and loving father, and so I always know they are in good hands when they are with him.
We are in the early stages of putting together a parenting plan, but I will be seeking to have the arrangements formalised in court ASAP. Over the last couple of months, he has threatened to take the girls away from me altogether, to turn over full custody to me so that he doesn't ever have to deal with me again (including giving up all visitation rights) and has made some last-minute changes to the days we have them. The fact that he would use them to get to me makes me really, really mad, and I have considered going for full custody to protect them - but it is so hard sometimes to know what the "right" thing to do is. In any case, hopefully the whole process with the Family Relationship Centre will resolve a lot of the issues and then with court orders in place, there will be less room for him to use them to try to mess with my mind.
Anyway...... that was very long winded! I hope I haven't put everyone to sleep!
New here, newly single
). Most of our mutual friends were friends of his when we met, and I have not spoken to any of them (it was always the boys hanging out and the wives chatting politely). My best friend lives 2 hours away and has very big problems of her own right now. In the last 12 months we had been spending a fair bit of time with a couple of the families from daycare and their group of friends, and they were very helpful when I first moved out, but lately it feels like they have pulled back a lot and don't really want to get involved - XH got on very well with some of the guys in the group, and I think there is a reluctance to take sides. Plus I am not very good at asking for help. So I am trying to do it all on my own - and sharing custody with XH 50/50 lets me indirectly tap into his support network - his family. Plus it means that I can get all the boring stuff done (housework, washing, mowing lawns, ironing etc) while the girls are not here, and then give them my full attention when they are. XH is a very capable and loving father, and so I always know they are in good hands when they are with him.
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